Here comes the bride » « Hooray for Oklahoma!

Small forest values

I may have to change my voting plans — a real wild card candidate has entered the race.

There is, of course, a poll.

These guys are going to have a lock on the cryptozoological/weird conspiracy/tinfoil hat constituency, and we all know that that is a huge fraction of the population in this country. Don’t count them out.

Here comes the bride » « Hooray for Oklahoma!

Comments

  1. The Petey says

    is Nessie supposed to be stealing the fence-sitting Hillary supporters?

    Though, I think Palin is scarier than any prehistoric water predator.

  2. Deepsix says

    Bigfoot had to withdraw from the race when he was shot and killed in Georgia. Luckily, Yeti has stepped in to take his place.

  3. says

    Moderator: Mr. Sasquatch, how, as president, would you work to shrink this gap of polarization which has sprung up in Washington?

    Sasquatch: Raaaaaaowwwr…. Grunt… Raooowrrrr… Aaaaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhh!

    Moderator: Mkay… Moving on… Last year, Congress passed a bill that would make it more difficult for debt-strapped mortgage-holders to declare bankruptcy, to get out from under that debt. This is something that John McCain supported. Would you have?

    Sasquatch: Urrrggghhhh! Garrrrhhh! Meeeeearrrrggghhh! Rowr.

    Moderator: Umm… yeah… Okay then, let’s talk about climate change. What is true and what is false about what we have heard, read, discussed, debated about the causes of climate change?

    Sasquatch: Urrrrggggghhh! Growl! Urf. Urf. Raaaawwwwrgh!

    Moderator: Erm… Right… Mr. Sasquatch, are you going to answer *any* of these questions in a language the rest of this room speaks? Or shall I just throw out this list? What are you even saying? Because honestly, I have no idea?

    Sasquatch (winks at camera…)

  8. says

    I’m pretty sure Nessie is a British citizen.

    Also does Obama really only have one house? I’d have thought he’d need one in Chicago and one in Washington, if his job is to represent that former in the latter. Does he just rent digs in DC?

  9. says

    Thanks for this, PZ – I needed a good laugh today ! And, looking at it from across the pond, I’m not convinced that this isn’t the best choice for America…Certainly in a Nessie vs Palin contest, I know which I’d pick (actually…Nessie vs Palin – wouldn’t you love to see that on pay per view ?!)

    Rog

  11. Curt Cameron says

    From Palin:

    “Governor Nessie has had her flippers in special interests from day one. She looks out for one creature, and that’s herself! Is it mere coincidence that while her fellow dinosaurs perished in the Great Flood, she managed to survive another four thousand years? I think not.”

    The “four thousand years” is a nice touch.

  12. OctoberMermaid says

    Nice.

    Oh, totally OT but fun. Check it out. Bill Donahue uses youtube! Hooray! Let’s treat him kindly.

  13. says

    I’m a tad bit disappointed. I was hoping Bigfoot would really reach across party lines and choose Chupacabra as his running mate. Well, maybe 2012. In the meantime, I guess I’ll have to vote Nader.

  14. SC says

    OctoberMermaid,

    Thanks! That’s great. Isn’t he just the personification of self-righteous bigotry?

    I love how the “Related Videos” are mostly cracker desecrations and Kathy Griffin (hilarious).

  16. says

    I’m a tad bit disappointed. I was hoping Bigfoot would really reach across party lines and choose Chupacabra as his running mate…

    Chupacabra. He’s a blood-sucking terror that comes in the night, a whispered rumour of horror on the lips of children. And he’s never been seen by daylight…

    So, in other words, if he’s elected VP, it’s pretty much more of the same.

  17. says

    I for one would never vote for a campaign that is so blatantly dishonest! Nessie isn’t a dinosaur, she’s a sauropterygian (I hope, and damn Wikipedia if I’m wrong). If they’re lying about that, what else are they hiding? Eh? Eh?

  18. thelogos says

    Bah!
    Upstarts, all of them!
    Everybody knows the true mavericks this year are Azathoth/Nyarlathotep!

  19. Chiaroscuro says

    Nah! Ill keep my vote on Cthulhu/Shub-Niggurath, with a thousand young Shub really stands on family values.

  20. Chiaroscuro says

    Nah! Ill keep my vote on Cthulhu/Shub-Niggurath, with a thousand young Shub really stands on “family values”.

  21. Sydney S. says

    Oh, I see! One of my fellow grad students had a Bigfoot ’08 shirt on yesterday, and I was wondering what it was all about…

  24. SC says

    Is Bill Donohue trying to do a video caricature of Archie Bunker?

    The Catholic Archie Bunker (minus the pathos)? You be the judge!:

  27. says

    What, Azathoth/Nyarlathotep? If I was from round there (America, not R’lyeh), I’d certainly vote for them, since what other candidate has formulated his (err, her? its? THAT THING’s?) platform as a poem, with solution to crises in finance, housing and everything?

    Soon from the sea a noxious birth began;
    Forgotten lands with weedy spires of gold;
    The ground was cleft, and mad auroras rolled
    Down on the quaking citadels of man.
    Then, crushing what he chanced to mould in play,
    The idiot Chaos blew Earth’s dust away.

    Destroying everything there is is certainly a maverick choice; out-Republicaning the Republicans or something like that.

  29. David Marjanović, OM says

    Moderator: Erm… Right… Mr. Sasquatch, are you going to answer *any* of these questions in a language the rest of this room speaks? Or shall I just throw out this list? What are you even saying? Because honestly, I have no idea?
    Sasquatch (winks at camera…)

    ROTFLMAO!

    This time you get a Molly nomination. :-D :-D :-D

    You certainly don’t want to vote Jesus though:

    Awesome. Utterly awesome. And I didn’t even recognize whatever the 9iu11ani quote was.

  30. JSW says

    Do Vice-Presidents have to be natural born citizens of the United States? I know Presidents do, and I assume the same rules apply to VPs since they’re expected to take over if something happens to the President. That would most likely disqualify this ticket as Nessie’s been in Scotland since long before the United States was founded.

  33. Sili says

    Damn, beaten to the IWW.

    Well, don’t they say that the tallest candidate is more likely to win?

  34. Doog says

    “I’m a tad bit disappointed. I was hoping Bigfoot would really reach across party lines and choose Chupacabra as his running mate..”

    Nessie seems to be the best choice. Sure Chupacabra could help bridge the party lines, but he sucks goats dry of blood. That would certainly alienate farmers and ranchers. And although Mothman has some good ideas on the economy and church/state separation, his opposition to gay marriage wouldn’t help Bigfoot’s message of change.

  36. phantomreader42 says

    JSW @ #30:

    Do Vice-Presidents have to be natural born citizens of the United States? I know Presidents do, and I assume the same rules apply to VPs since they’re expected to take over if something happens to the President. That would most likely disqualify this ticket as Nessie’s been in Scotland since long before the United States was founded.

    Well, techincally, if Nessie could establish that she had US citizenship at the time the Constitution was adopted, she’d be eligible even if she wasn’t born here. The first several Presidents COULDN’T have been born in the United States, since the US didn’t exist at the time they were born, so there’s a grandfather clause.

  37. HidariMak says

    It’s nice to see so many realistic alternatives to McCain and Palin. Well, other than the Jesus ticket, anyways.

  39. Qwerty says

    Change! Who is going to change his litter box? Who will change the water in Nessie’s tank?

    It will cost us BILLIONS if we elect these two!

    Also, who will play Nessie on SNL? Tina Fey can’t do it all!

  40. Qwerty says

    Change! Who is going to change his litter box? Who will change the water in Nessie’s tank?

    It will cost us BILLIONS if we elect these two!

    Also, who will play Nessie on SNL? Tina Fey can’t do it all!

  41. Eyeoffaith says

    Yay. Another Irregular reader. I love that comic.

    I am personally hoping the Allosaurus gets another term in office.

  43. gaypaganunitarianagnostic says

    No, Nessie would not be eligable. Champ now…
    Couldn’t be worse than Palin.