Symbolic how those crackers are usually a bit stale.
Arnosays
“Mmmmmm… leg, or breast?”
John Ssays
I fucking LOVE my Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, me.
clinteassays
“I’ve developed a taste”
Said the priest and put his wafer into the tabernacle.
Kimpatsusays
Why are you surprised? Catholic priests have been eating their alter boys for years…
stewy.cvlsays
People always claim that “the empty tomb” (something we’ve never found anyhow) is proof that Jesus was resurrected… I think it’s better proof that his disciples “drank of his blood, and ate of his flesh” like Jesus told them they would have to do if they wanted to get to heaven.
Seriously they were all so obsessed with cannibalism, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit.
Apsarassays
This was a decent episode of Tales from the Crypt too. (Only it wasn’t Jesus. It was a diner that served mystery meat steaks. Mmmmmm)
Mike Psays
Very Grand Inquisitor-esque. Except I don’t remember the inquisitor necessarily having a taste for flesh…
Chrissays
Some fava beans and a nice chianti anyone?
NonyNonysays
I think it’s better proof that his disciples “drank of his blood, and ate of his flesh” like Jesus told them they would have to do if they wanted to get to heaven.
Or that Jesus was a vampire.
(You know, Anne Rice switched from vampire novels to Jesus novels a while back. I wonder if she knows something we don’t …)
Dave Godfreysays
“Jesus, how can I be a better person?”
“You could untie me from the ceiling”
“Heavenly! Not as hearty as bishop, but not as bland as curate, either.”
GirBoBytonssays
That’s hillarious, hey, the church should look out for that! But I am not totally sure that the flesh of christ is habit forming…they probably have the side effects in the bible somewhere right?
wookeristsays
(+)
Ericsays
When I first saw that comic, I just knew it would appear here.
Yeah, like that guy in Canada developed a taste for people on busses! Nom nom nommmm
Randallphobiasays
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is great. This guy isn’t afraid to offend anyone!
Bill Dauphinsays
People always claim that “the empty tomb” (something we’ve never found anyhow) is proof that Jesus was resurrected… I think it’s better proof that his disciples “drank of his blood, and ate of his flesh” like Jesus told them they would have to do if they wanted to get to heaven.
Sounds like somebody’s been re-reading Stranger in a Strange Land! (Hmmm… I was going to link to the Wikipedia plot summary here, but it seems to omit the relevant fact that at the end of that book, Valentine Michael Smith’s followers perform actual ritual cannibalism, sharing a broth made using [apparently just small bits of] his freshly mob-killed body.)
“the empty tomb” (something we’ve never found anyhow) is proof that Jesus was resurrected.
There is also the Minnesota Miracle where Jesus was entombed in a trash can, then shortly afterward the trashcan was found COMPLETELY EMPTY!!!!
Jared Lesslsays
> There is also the Minnesota Miracle where Jesus was entombed in a trash can, then shortly afterward the trashcan was found COMPLETELY EMPTY!!!!
Hey, I see that miracle all the time. And I don’t even have to leave a Jesus-cracker in it. I just put the trash can by the side of the road, mumble an incantation, wave a dead chicken at it, and when I come home from work it’s empty. Amazing! Truly, our god is an awesome god!
because you call it a wafer and a “Jesus-cracker” obviously recognizes that you are ignorant and are afraid…i feel so bad for you all! and i will pray for you!
“It puts the catsup on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.”
Peter Ashbysays
What’s for dinner? Jesusloaf!
Pierce R. Butlersays
Everybody drop everything and read James Morrow’s Towing Jehovah!
(Yes, it pertains – particularly the “Famine” chapter.)
For the uninitiated: Morrow is head-&-shoulders-above-the-rest America’s leading blasphemer-novelist. TJ relates the consequences of the Death of God – starting with the discovery of a three-mile-long cadaver floating in the north Atlantic…
bsdsays
Jenkins, NO!
william e embasays
A new play by Rachel Caris You’re Eating God (which takes its title from you-know-what) attracted the attention of you-know-who, who couldn’t help but spout stupidity and lies. Google “you’re eating god catholic league” for a few laughs and snickers. Some people are what they eat, as in, crackers.
DaveGsays
A few years ago, I saw a really creepy “Twilight Zone” type show, set in the 1990s/2000s, wherein a group of young 20somethings are out hiking and decide to stage a pagan ritual just for laughs. Next thing you know, darkness has fallen on the Earth. They hide in a cave and start to get paranoid that they have offended the Big Guy, and start to turn on each other until someone suggests a human sacrifice for appeasement. The unlucky girl who draws the short straw gets her head smashed with a rock (not shown). A few hours later, the sunlight returns at the end of the solar eclipse they knew nothing about.
Qwertysays
With sauted mushrooms and sliced green peppers, the priest could have king of kings ala king.
Kagehisays
I think it’s better proof that his disciples “drank of his blood, and ate of his flesh” like Jesus told them they would have to do if they wanted to get to heaven.
Interestingly, there is one guy who wrote a book called ‘Caesar’s Messiah’, who claimed that the NT was co-written to create a new Jewish religion favorable to Rome, at the same time Josephus was writing the chronicles the war being fought with them. Within Josephus’ writing is an account of cannibalism from people trapped within the walls of one of their cities, who, having run out of food, began opening the tombs of the recently deceased. The description of the supposed witnessed event is very similar in wording to the resurrection of another figure in the OT, Lazarus, and he suggests that the Biblical account was written “after the fact” as a parody of the original event, specifically with regard to the way him being “served” would seem to logically be constructed as you would have described someone serving an article of food to others, and not as others “bringing” him food.
Mind you, the guys book is rampant speculation, only bolstered by the fact that there is no real evidence to “prove” that the two works didn’t get written together, and that the Flavians, who are prominent in Josephus’ work, became the first “official” members of the foundation for Catholicism… But, short of someone digging up documents suggesting that people “knew” is was fakes, or notes from the writing of them, or some other evidence… All we really have is that its not “impossible” for some captured Jewish leader to have been offered his own life to help write a fable, based on mixing OT prophecies and intentionally distorted fables, based on the accounts of events in the same places, locations, and fudged Biblical “dates” (we do know that Josephus did that to make Titus look like a second coming), as the campaign itself.
I mean, the common themes, named places, etc., require one of three things – 1. NT written “after” the campaign, which would make it a complete fake, and lend itself even more strongly to it being intentionally made to reflect the campaign, 2. NT written “with” the campaign, such that it parodied events as they happened, which still makes it fake, but fits the “time line” for the sudden “conversion” of the Flavians better, or 3) NT written some time before the campaign, but well after the events they claim to describe, in which case, the campaign would have had to have been coordinated to “match” as closely as possible the times and places needed to make it look “Biblical”.
But, the later would imply that the events described would have had to have been “made up”, to reflect what the Bible said happened… And, what are the odds of Titus showing up at the same lake some place, *knowing* that he would use nets to drag people who fell from their burning boats, like fish, onto the shore to kill them, not to mention everything else. It would have been a *lot* easier to have someone invent some gibberish “first coming”, who said things, or did things, at the right places and times, to “match” the events that actually happened “in” the campaign itself. And that tends to help bolster the idea that both where written in parallel, or the NT *after* the campaign was over, so they knew which “key” events and places to include, suggesting that the theory that the NT was a made up religion intended, for only those who ‘knew’, to make a parody of Jewish belief, while giving the ignorant something to follow, which would promote coexistence with the state, instead of opposition to it.
Even if the guy got a lot wrong, he is right about one thing, the parallels are too glaring, the choices of campaign sites too similar, and the luck of being “almost” in the right place every time, very slim, if your intent is to finish a war, and not just run around making it “look like” you where the second coming of some new religion.
If anyone wants to help me out, I’ve been replying to a video response to one of my videos on youtube, from a kid who thinks that the Eucharistic Miracle of Lanciano is indisputable evidence for the existence of transubstantiation. If anyone wants to help me out, reply to this person and I would be very grateful. He doesn’t seem to know the difference between good and bad evidence and just keeps shoving quotes from obviously biased catholic sites, claiming that the piece of human meat remains somehow magically preserved “woooo” defying science to this date.
thanks
writzersays
What a fiend friend we have in Jebus!
gaypaganunitarianagnosticsays
The ‘blood of St Januarius’ at Naples is an example of a pius fraud. I expect the transformed wafer is another.
NanuNanusays
A few years ago, I saw a really creepy “Twilight Zone” type show, set in the 1990s/2000s, wherein a group of young 30 somethings lived in an apartment in Manhattan. They would always get into trouble with relationships like there was a curse or something. There was a strange creature named “Bing” that would only talk in wise cracks that lived with them along with a large retarded man everyone called “Joey”.
Man that show was fucked up. I still get nightmares.
NanuNanusays
aaaaand since the posts are separated by about 5 comments I ruined the joke.
SMBC is one of those rare comics that has a follow-up b&w comic…
Aw man, I’ve been reading SMBC for ages and I never noticed! Now I’m going to have to go back and read them all again… sigh
silkwormsays
Host Barn
Nyuk, nyuk.
wrongfontsays
Can anyone out there mail me the jawbone of a cave man? I would like to crush it into powder so it could be mixed with water and used between the elements of the water filter of my swimming pool. I am told that it works much better than diatomaceous earth.
Scrofulumsays
What? Use a biological artifact! In a pool filter!!! Arise all biologists! Kill Him and His Family, and anyone else who think or behaves in a similar manner!
windy, OMsays
aaaaand since the posts are separated by about 5 comments I ruined the joke.
No you didn’t! I saw your follow up a day after I read DaveG’s and it was still funny as hell.
mmmmmmmmmm sacrilicious
Cardinal Lechter
I wonder how tender Jesus’s flesh is? Must be quality meat right there!
Priest to Jesus:
“I wish I could quit You.”
Symbolic how those crackers are usually a bit stale.
“Mmmmmm… leg, or breast?”
I fucking LOVE my Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, me.
“I’ve developed a taste”
Said the priest and put his wafer into the tabernacle.
Why are you surprised? Catholic priests have been eating their alter boys for years…
People always claim that “the empty tomb” (something we’ve never found anyhow) is proof that Jesus was resurrected… I think it’s better proof that his disciples “drank of his blood, and ate of his flesh” like Jesus told them they would have to do if they wanted to get to heaven.
Seriously they were all so obsessed with cannibalism, it wouldn’t surprise me one bit.
This was a decent episode of Tales from the Crypt too. (Only it wasn’t Jesus. It was a diner that served mystery meat steaks. Mmmmmm)
Very Grand Inquisitor-esque. Except I don’t remember the inquisitor necessarily having a taste for flesh…
Some fava beans and a nice chianti anyone?
I think it’s better proof that his disciples “drank of his blood, and ate of his flesh” like Jesus told them they would have to do if they wanted to get to heaven.
Or that Jesus was a vampire.
(You know, Anne Rice switched from vampire novels to Jesus novels a while back. I wonder if she knows something we don’t …)
“Jesus, how can I be a better person?”
“You could untie me from the ceiling”
“I’ve grown accustomed to your taste . . .”
heh, actually, I was about to e-mail you this comic, but you were too quick for me. SMBC is one of those rare comics that has a follow-up b&w comic: http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20080804after.gif
So the healthful breakfast food is Jesus Nuts?
“Heavenly! Not as hearty as bishop, but not as bland as curate, either.”
That’s hillarious, hey, the church should look out for that! But I am not totally sure that the flesh of christ is habit forming…they probably have the side effects in the bible somewhere right?
(+)
When I first saw that comic, I just knew it would appear here.
Yeah, like that guy in Canada developed a taste for people on busses! Nom nom nommmm
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is great. This guy isn’t afraid to offend anyone!
Sounds like somebody’s been re-reading Stranger in a Strange Land! (Hmmm… I was going to link to the Wikipedia plot summary here, but it seems to omit the relevant fact that at the end of that book, Valentine Michael Smith’s followers perform actual ritual cannibalism, sharing a broth made using [apparently just small bits of] his freshly mob-killed body.)
I’m rather fond of this one: http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20070422.gif
They’re on to us!
Urkk! Only the title Stranger in a Strange Land and the word actual were supposed to be italicized in my last (@25). I hate when ‘at ‘appens!
There is also the Minnesota Miracle where Jesus was entombed in a trash can, then shortly afterward the trashcan was found COMPLETELY EMPTY!!!!
> There is also the Minnesota Miracle where Jesus was entombed in a trash can, then shortly afterward the trashcan was found COMPLETELY EMPTY!!!!
Hey, I see that miracle all the time. And I don’t even have to leave a Jesus-cracker in it. I just put the trash can by the side of the road, mumble an incantation, wave a dead chicken at it, and when I come home from work it’s empty. Amazing! Truly, our god is an awesome god!
Type vs. antitype.
Sure, we like our wafers, but if we can get not only the substance but the matter as Jesus’ flesh and blood, well, no contest.
Baby-eating atheists are little different. It’s just that they’re warming up with something a little more gamy.
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
A little Grand Inquisitor action, anyone?
because you call it a wafer and a “Jesus-cracker” obviously recognizes that you are ignorant and are afraid…i feel so bad for you all! and i will pray for you!
Um, if the prayers worked, you wouldn’t have to tell us about them, would you? We’d just notice the miracles.
So your point is that you’re going to say something to nothing? Or to something indistinguishable from nothing?
Glen D
http://tinyurl.com/2kxyc7
Aw, you missed the follow-up comic!
http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20080804after.gif
Still: SMBC for the win.
“It puts the catsup on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.”
What’s for dinner? Jesusloaf!
Everybody drop everything and read James Morrow’s Towing Jehovah!
(Yes, it pertains – particularly the “Famine” chapter.)
For the uninitiated: Morrow is head-&-shoulders-above-the-rest America’s leading blasphemer-novelist. TJ relates the consequences of the Death of God – starting with the discovery of a three-mile-long cadaver floating in the north Atlantic…
Jenkins, NO!
A new play by Rachel Caris You’re Eating God (which takes its title from you-know-what) attracted the attention of you-know-who, who couldn’t help but spout stupidity and lies. Google “you’re eating god catholic league” for a few laughs and snickers. Some people are what they eat, as in, crackers.
A few years ago, I saw a really creepy “Twilight Zone” type show, set in the 1990s/2000s, wherein a group of young 20somethings are out hiking and decide to stage a pagan ritual just for laughs. Next thing you know, darkness has fallen on the Earth. They hide in a cave and start to get paranoid that they have offended the Big Guy, and start to turn on each other until someone suggests a human sacrifice for appeasement. The unlucky girl who draws the short straw gets her head smashed with a rock (not shown). A few hours later, the sunlight returns at the end of the solar eclipse they knew nothing about.
With sauted mushrooms and sliced green peppers, the priest could have king of kings ala king.
Interestingly, there is one guy who wrote a book called ‘Caesar’s Messiah’, who claimed that the NT was co-written to create a new Jewish religion favorable to Rome, at the same time Josephus was writing the chronicles the war being fought with them. Within Josephus’ writing is an account of cannibalism from people trapped within the walls of one of their cities, who, having run out of food, began opening the tombs of the recently deceased. The description of the supposed witnessed event is very similar in wording to the resurrection of another figure in the OT, Lazarus, and he suggests that the Biblical account was written “after the fact” as a parody of the original event, specifically with regard to the way him being “served” would seem to logically be constructed as you would have described someone serving an article of food to others, and not as others “bringing” him food.
Mind you, the guys book is rampant speculation, only bolstered by the fact that there is no real evidence to “prove” that the two works didn’t get written together, and that the Flavians, who are prominent in Josephus’ work, became the first “official” members of the foundation for Catholicism… But, short of someone digging up documents suggesting that people “knew” is was fakes, or notes from the writing of them, or some other evidence… All we really have is that its not “impossible” for some captured Jewish leader to have been offered his own life to help write a fable, based on mixing OT prophecies and intentionally distorted fables, based on the accounts of events in the same places, locations, and fudged Biblical “dates” (we do know that Josephus did that to make Titus look like a second coming), as the campaign itself.
I mean, the common themes, named places, etc., require one of three things – 1. NT written “after” the campaign, which would make it a complete fake, and lend itself even more strongly to it being intentionally made to reflect the campaign, 2. NT written “with” the campaign, such that it parodied events as they happened, which still makes it fake, but fits the “time line” for the sudden “conversion” of the Flavians better, or 3) NT written some time before the campaign, but well after the events they claim to describe, in which case, the campaign would have had to have been coordinated to “match” as closely as possible the times and places needed to make it look “Biblical”.
But, the later would imply that the events described would have had to have been “made up”, to reflect what the Bible said happened… And, what are the odds of Titus showing up at the same lake some place, *knowing* that he would use nets to drag people who fell from their burning boats, like fish, onto the shore to kill them, not to mention everything else. It would have been a *lot* easier to have someone invent some gibberish “first coming”, who said things, or did things, at the right places and times, to “match” the events that actually happened “in” the campaign itself. And that tends to help bolster the idea that both where written in parallel, or the NT *after* the campaign was over, so they knew which “key” events and places to include, suggesting that the theory that the NT was a made up religion intended, for only those who ‘knew’, to make a parody of Jewish belief, while giving the ignorant something to follow, which would promote coexistence with the state, instead of opposition to it.
Even if the guy got a lot wrong, he is right about one thing, the parallels are too glaring, the choices of campaign sites too similar, and the luck of being “almost” in the right place every time, very slim, if your intent is to finish a war, and not just run around making it “look like” you where the second coming of some new religion.
If anyone wants to help me out, I’ve been replying to a video response to one of my videos on youtube, from a kid who thinks that the Eucharistic Miracle of Lanciano is indisputable evidence for the existence of transubstantiation. If anyone wants to help me out, reply to this person and I would be very grateful. He doesn’t seem to know the difference between good and bad evidence and just keeps shoving quotes from obviously biased catholic sites, claiming that the piece of human meat remains somehow magically preserved “woooo” defying science to this date.
thanks
What a
fiendfriend we have in Jebus!The ‘blood of St Januarius’ at Naples is an example of a pius fraud. I expect the transformed wafer is another.
A few years ago, I saw a really creepy “Twilight Zone” type show, set in the 1990s/2000s, wherein a group of young 30 somethings lived in an apartment in Manhattan. They would always get into trouble with relationships like there was a curse or something. There was a strange creature named “Bing” that would only talk in wise cracks that lived with them along with a large retarded man everyone called “Joey”.
Man that show was fucked up. I still get nightmares.
aaaaand since the posts are separated by about 5 comments I ruined the joke.
I suck.
and i will pray for you!
And a hearty “fuck you” right back at ya!
#17:
Aw man, I’ve been reading SMBC for ages and I never noticed! Now I’m going to have to go back and read them all again… sigh
Host Barn
Nyuk, nyuk.
Can anyone out there mail me the jawbone of a cave man? I would like to crush it into powder so it could be mixed with water and used between the elements of the water filter of my swimming pool. I am told that it works much better than diatomaceous earth.
What? Use a biological artifact! In a pool filter!!! Arise all biologists! Kill Him and His Family, and anyone else who think or behaves in a similar manner!
No you didn’t! I saw your follow up a day after I read DaveG’s and it was still funny as hell.