The War on Christmas starts earlier every year. The first salvo: an advent calendar in Hanover, Germany includes a small, cartoonish portrayal of famous local son, Fritz Haarmann. He was a serial killer who lived over 80 years ago.
I think the wounds of the monster’s actions are healed over and largely forgotten now, so while not entirely in good taste, I don’t think Christianity should be too outraged at the inclusion of a wicked fellow who killed 24 people. There are other mostly forgotten characters who could be put on a Christmas calendar without causing this kind of misplaced outrage, like Athanasius or Savanarola or Arnaud-Amaury or more than a few popes, who were responsible for many more deaths. I guess it just isn’t the holiday season without something for the right wing to rage over, and it’s better that they’re howling at Fritz Haarmann than some bewildered greeter at Wal-Mart.
But while you’re scowling at the reminder of the holiday season, I’ll mention that this is a good time to order your secular season cards. I fear the “Stop the Lies” card might give Aunt Tillie a heart attack when she opens it, but the Darwin as St Nick cards are nice.
Have a happy Christmyth everyone!
Myql
I think the Evolution of Tradition one is pretty nice… perhaps the least offensive (to right-wingers) while still being clear, too.
I have a new tactic that I’m going to deploy in the War on Christmas: Friendly Fire. Good Christians everywhere love to shout Merry Christmas at clerks in an insulting tone, so here’s how I’m going to deal with it:
Asshole: MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Me: You don’t sound very happy about Christmas.
Asshole: I’m tired of–
Me: Look, I know you secularists are unhappy about Christmas, but don’t ruin it for the rest of us by getting angry about it and dragging us into your War on Christmas!
Asshole: No! I just meant–
Me: (Louder) I don’t want to hear it! I’m done talking to you, just go! (then I storm off in the other direction)
Hopefully they’ll think twice before trying to insult people with a “Merry Christmas”.
Those cards are great, and at $1.90 each, they’re about 1/2 the price of most Hallmark scams. I’ll be ordering a few boxes tonight.
The correct spelling is Hannover, not Hanover.
I must have this advent calendar!
Where’s a good place to get Brumalia cards?
But to his credit, Fritz Haarmann is a world famous serial killer. It was him and Peter Kurten who helped inspire Fritz Lang’s M. It would be like London including Jack the Ripper as part of their London celebrities.
Sheez, hasn’t anyone seen M? The scene where the kids are singing a rhyme about the murderer? Serial killers fit right in with any festivities.
When we were in the Czech Republic a couple years ago — in October — the mall where we caught the subway (possibly the world’s fastest escalators; they were disorienting the first few times) had their Christmas decorations up. Their newsletter, a nice glossy item in both Czech and English, had an apology from the management for having the decorations up so early. They explained that the company which put them up was extremely busy and they had no choice but to have them up early.
Nice folks.
Back travelling nearer home, our worst was hearing a loudspeaker announcement in Walmart in early September, which started out with “Now that the children are back in school…” which made us think, what, Halloween stuff? No, it went on “… it’s time to start thinking about Christmas”.
I think not.
…I laughed. I mean, I find it hilarious. Sorry. :P You go and draw some all happy christmas scene and then you throw in a serial killer? It’s funny!
By the way, I’m one of these people that don’t make a big deal about Christmas being a religious holiday by basic. Let’s keep the baby jesus in public places. I’m sorta sad that all over the news, every darn year lately, there’s someone complaining about a christmas tree or nativity scene at some public place. It’s part of the tradition and spirit you know. Removing it is just being a sourpuss. Or being totally insecure in your faith/lack of faith.
Come on, you don’t have to believe in baby jesus to enjoy the holidays. And let’s face it, most of the public nativity scenes are REALLY pretty! Works of art! S’why I love Christmas time.
…Only problem major problem I got with it is… well… Okay, christmas stuff can wait until the end of november. Halloween isn’t even gone and there’s christmas decorations out in stores. Sigh. I’m starting to be happy when January 2nd comes.
I always just get cards that say “Peace on Earth.” Who can argue with that?
I really don’t think I’d buy an Advent calendar that features a serial killer. It seems especially bad that most of the victims are kids.
Maybe I’m not very dark after all.
At the same time, I like the idea of soltice cards (but I will point out I’ve never bought a Summer Soltice card, so why would I buy a Winter Soltice Card?, as well as pointing out that these cards won’t make a lot of sense to our Australian friends).
And one more thing: The nursery rhymes we sing/recite for our little kids frequently have dark histories. The best example I can think of is Frere Jacques. So there is a history of this.
The cards in the “We wish you and your family a bright holiday season”-style are probably what I’m most comfortable with. I’m just not one to go one-on-one and trample people.
Pretty milquetoast. Sorry.
Um, that’s the correct German spelling, yes. But that city is more often called and spelled “Hanover” in the English-speaking world.
A language community is free to call anything whatever they want, including cities. After all, we say “Germany” and that’s not a misspelling of “Deutschland”.
i’m guilty of beating the war drums too early as well — but some things are just so share-able.
@3:
Thinking twice would, of course, assume thinking once.
Unless other people can put up menorahs and kwanzaa candles and yule logs in the same government space, I disagree vehemently.
If it’s a church lawn or private residence/business you’re talking about, more power to them. Put up a three hundred foot tall prancing Jebus for all I care. But it’s long past the time when Christianity can get sole government approval for their shenanigans and exclude other (and non-) faiths.
Maybe I’m missing the point, but it seems like sending someone a card insulting their beliefs (evolve your beliefs) would be just as offensive as them telling you that “you’re going to burn in hell for eternity.”
I’m going to go ahead and assume that you aren’t going to send a card saying “evolve your beliefs” to someone who shares the same faith/non-faith as you do.
The nursery rhymes we sing/recite for our little kids frequently have dark histories.
Don’t forget “ring around-a-rosy”. Nothing like a good rhyme on how to desperately try to avoid the plague!
I’d go for the Darwin cards if they were blank inside. Otherwise it really cuts down on the people I could send them to.
I’m relieved that here in Sweden the equivalent of “Merry Christmas” is “God Jul”, which translates as “happy yule”, thereby letting me easily avoid any to me unwanted Christian connections when picking cards.
@Carlie:
http://www.snopes.com/language/literary/rosie.asp
Oh, by the way, here’s a great article in the Guardian from last December on how flimsy most stories about the War on Christmas turn out to be. Quite an amusing read. It was made all the better for me since it was used by someone in a forum discussion to try to prove to me that the War on Christmas was a terrible reality. Didn’t quite work, for some reason…
Wait until after Thanksgiving? The calendar in question is from Germany. What do they give for some obscure American holiday anyway?
flynn:
I think so. Does the serial killer whistle Grieg’s In the Hall of the Mountain King all the time in that one?
Professor, you must not have gotten the memo. It’s X-Mas, not Christmas. Lord Soros has spoken.
Where’s the card to celebrate Isaac Newton’s birthday on December 25 (old style)?
Fuck greeting cards of any kind. Not because they waste paper. Just fuck ’em. No seriously, fuck ’em.
is that a character that is easily recognized by a lot of people? I had never heard of him
You know, if Christmas were a Christian holiday, I’d probably leave it alone. Really.
But it isn’t a Christian holiday, it’s a capitalist holiday where the object of veneration is a senseless orgy of consumption and waste for the purpose of consumption and waste. This is the time of year when financial commentary turns to the overwhelming dread that we might have a “slow shopping season”, and we talk about the horrors of a “slow shopping season” the way my great grandfather talked about a “bad harvest” — as though we’ll starve and need to tighten our belts and lose a few pounds if too few helicopter parents and soccer moms buy the latest fad status toy for their snot-nosed progeny.
BAH HUMBUG.
By the way, M is available in its entirety for streaming or download at the Internet Archive. In German with English subtitles. Peter Lorre’s performance is amazing, and Fritz Lang’s direction and cinematography — especially in the murder sequences — is unsurpassed.
cm: I don’t want any paper cuts down there, thank you.
From http://imdb.com/title/tt0022100/
“M”, 1931. directed by Fritz Lange.
So, it’s not based on the serial killer from Hannover, but another one from Duesseldorf.
Damn it, I was going to look it up on Snopes, and then I had to go to class and I decided not to bother. Stupid “reality”.
Darwin as Saint Nick is a nice idea, but come on – “Evolve your beliefs”? When did “evolve” become a transitive verb? Doesn’t anyone speak English any more?
Thanks, MikeM, I was going to ask where our summer-themed cards were in that lot. You can get surfing Santa cards here, is that irreverent enough?
Anyway, I haven’t sent cards for about five years now and nobody has noticed. It’s liberating.
Oo, thanks for the link, HP. M remains relevant in part because it was based on a real case and shows the patterns of people’s behavior when there’s a murderer stalking the streets. Some contemporary reviewers bashed it for being a little too grim and violent and close to the actual events, and also for its honest, un-heroic portrayal of police work.
Like I’ve said all along, if your faith can be shaken by having a teenager working for minimum wage wish you “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas,” your faith is pretty thin indeed, and maybe you should seek the solution at the church of your choice rather than the mall next time. In fact, I’d always assumed that “Happy Holidays” referred to the four official and unofficial holidays that occur within that week: Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, and New Year’s Day.
By the same token, I think it’s a little ridiculous to take too much offense at being wished “Merry Christmas,” particularly by a stranger (it’s not like it’s super-obvious who’s not Christian). I think that the people who write angry letters to the editor over Christmas carols being sung in the schools are wasting their time as much as Bill O’Reilly and his fellow foot-soldiers in the war on Christmas.
It seems that, for better or for worse, the holiday has evolved beyond a simple religious celebration. There’s the commercial juggernaut that many of us loathe, true, but there’s also the community aspect of it. The fire halls that offer cocoa and pictures with Santa. The schools that encourage everyone to bring in canned goods for those in need. The decorating competitions in neighborhoods (growing up, virtually the only thing our neighbors did together was to purchase and set up luminarias to line the street on Christmas Eve). Regardless for the reason, it’s a time of togetherness and of helping others. There’s precious little of that in society today, and while I do think we should strive for more all year round, I don’t see that happening. So enjoy the season, everyone, whatever it consists of for you.
Freedom From Religion Foundation also has some nice cards:
http://ffrf.org/shop/solstice/
@jc:
“Evolve” can be used transitively, but only when it refers to the development of a feature not previously present, as in this example (from the Cambridge International Dictionary of English):
So you’re right that there’s something fishy with “Evolve your beliefs” (unless, perhaps, the person addressed had no beliefs to start with), but not because “evolve” is intransitive.
BTW, does it bug you that “grow” is used more and more nowadays to mean “to make bigger”, as in “The managers at XYZ corporation are trying to grow their business”? It does me.
Indeed; this is one example of corporate stupidspeak that career-obsessed (but usually talentless) people bandy about in attempt to sound important. Even worse is the use of “solution” as a verb, which I always correct on the spot.
Oh no, they got the jump on me again! I was going to start the War for Christmas myself this year! We need to take it back from all those religious fanatics who don’t love holidays as much as us Atheists. Christmas started as an Atheist holiday and these religious nutjobs have been trying to steal it from us ever since because our holidays are so fucking awesome.
Brothers and sisters, we must NOT let them take away our heritage. Every day is an Atheist holiday and they can’t have a single one of them. Not even National Day in Spain!
Re #38,
“It does me.”
It does you? It doesn’t me. Fuck it! English can be pretty weird.
post # 11, me too
especially the wait ’til after Thanksgiving part
“Unless other people can put up menorahs and kwanzaa candles and yule logs in the same government space, I disagree vehemently.”
in new york city they usually do …we’re waiting for the muslims to ask …they havent yet
Back when I owned a bookstore, I used to sell “Anti-CHristmas” cards from this guy. They were my favorite and very popular… of course, it was in San Francisco…
He’s a nice guy, too.
http://www.apoplecticpress.org/aboutapoplectic.htm
sample card text follows (apologies for length, but that’s really part of the point):
“But it isn’t a Christian holiday, it’s a capitalist holiday where the object of veneration is a senseless orgy of consumption and waste for the purpose of consumption and waste.”
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!!
When the pic came up, and before I could read the text around it, I thought it was from a very special Where’s Waldo.
Live and learn.
Solstice.
:-o Please explain.
Solstice.
:-o Please explain.
Carlie/#20: The Darwin cards do come blank inside! See?
http://www.cafepress.com/orderofstnick.186376236
My favorite Christmas card, which I sent out selectively, depicted a stable with the star above and the exclamation “It’s a girl!”
As a free thinker, I still love XMas. I am perfectly comfortable with the holiday and all the trimmings. I prefer to leave out the shopping and all the gift giving, consumerism orgy stuff, unless you would like to bring by a nice bottle of wine or spirits to go with my holiday cooking goodies. I look at XMas as a folk holiday. I love my collection of Nativity scenes, inherited from my very Spanish Catholic mother. I also love the Winter Solstice idea, I do find it highly annoying to read the media religi-cons straining their behinds to find secularist, god haters, trashing what they think of as their holiday. Pshaw!
My favorite card from your card links was in the gothe section, a Bat carrying a red and white candy cane.
“Unless other people can put up menorahs and kwanzaa candles and yule logs in the same government space, I disagree vehemently.
If it’s a church lawn or private residence/business you’re talking about, more power to them. Put up a three hundred foot tall prancing Jebus for all I care. But it’s long past the time when Christianity can get sole government approval for their shenanigans and exclude other (and non-) faiths.”
The problem is that we have celebrated Christmas for many many years. And let’s face it, we don’t quite see the religious side to it anymore unless we’re 80. At least, not here in Quebec. Baby Jesus is just an icon of the holiday. I see the nativity scene and I go “Oh, so pretty.”, I don’T go “BLESS MY SOUL! JESUS IS BORN!” In fact, no one does anymore.
I think that it’s way past time that we stop making a big deal about being equal to every little religion out there because boo hoo hoo they don’t have their religious symbols displayed. When you remove everything that offends everyone you get a boring boring christmas play, like in South Park.
I’m from the north of Australia where Christmas is usually about 38 C with a looming Cat 5 cyclone off the coast. Quite frankly its hard to get at all enthused about Christmas here. If we could be bothered getting arsed at all it involves cold beer, cold seafood, lolling around in a pool then hiding out in the aircon. Screw summoning up the energy to send out cards.
Well the War on Halloween was pretty muted this year. I can’t think of any incidents where fundie Xians went bughouse wacko about witches, ghosts, and vampires.
Rather disappointing really. They are so cute when they are delusional.
Yeah, the holiday season is a perfect time to send a card that says, “You’re an idiot!” to religious (even mildly so) friends and family.
My habit is to send out neutral cards (nice northern hemisphere winter scene type stuff), blank inside, with a little message from myself and the lovely Mrs myself saying “Happy New Year!”. I post them on Christmas Day. This year I am tempted to send a custom card with a specific photo of the earth from space celebrating the taking of that photo on the 29th of December 1969, same message but with a legend explaining what the photo is and when it was taken. However, that might be a bit preachy, if in a vaguely subtle manner, so I won’t bother.
I just use the card sending season to re-establish relationships and keep in contact. I think I make my point sufficiently inoffensively. YMMV.
Louis
Michelle,
I think you are missing the point. Christmas IS a religious holiday. The state has no business promoting anything religious at all, ever. Therefore, the state should not promote Christmas. It is not complicated. Those of us who want an end to state funded displays of religion are not being sourpusses. I don’t need to turn my frown upside down.
Because there have been publicly funded religious displays for a long time has no bearing at all on whether or not such displays are appropriate. Doesn’t matter what percentage of the country wants them. If you want Christmas displays so badly, pay for it yourself.
Professor, you must not have gotten the memo. It’s X-Mas, not Christmas. Lord Soros has spoken.
Given that the “X” in “X-mas” was developed by Christians for Christians, and is exactly the same as “Christ” (The “X” is the greek “chi”), I don’t understand why these losers either 1) get their panties in a twist or 2) think that it will get other people’s panties in a twist.
If I want to annoy a Christian I’ll start talking about Jewish zombies.
Surely Christians love serial killers – don’t they facilitate an early arrival in Heaven for their victims?
It’s shameless whoring, but I’ve got a couple of holiday cards available, one about the “War on Christmas” and another just taking a shot at what “Christmas” is all about. I sell a few a year, and the money goes to whatever cause is hottest at the moment. Last year it went to “Jews on First,” because they were fighting hard against the injection of religion into the Air Force Academy. Here’s the card site at the store- http://www.cafepress.com/hypnocrites/1982393
“I think you are missing the point. Christmas IS a religious holiday. The state has no business promoting anything religious at all, ever. Therefore, the state should not promote Christmas. It is not complicated. Those of us who want an end to state funded displays of religion are not being sourpusses. I don’t need to turn my frown upside down.
Because there have been publicly funded religious displays for a long time has no bearing at all on whether or not such displays are appropriate. Doesn’t matter what percentage of the country wants them. If you want Christmas displays so badly, pay for it yourself. ”
Thus, you think that christmas should be taken out of public schools?
I remember when I was younger and in primary school. The happiest time of the school year was holiday season. Sometime during november we would build up the christmas tree in the classroom, make ornaments for it… You know, little angels? Cute stuff. And the star. Best student would have to make the star at the top of the tree. It was usually me. (Aren’t I a pet?)
Then we would stay after class just before the christmas break. It was a big schools, and everyone would still be there. We’d all have a party in the classroom, or in the gymnasium, with our teachers. Our moms (or dads, it happened) had made bakes for us. S’where I tasted one of the most tasty cupcake I ever tasted in my life. Too bad I never managed to reproduce that good taste. Santa would be there, we’d receive (cheap, very cheap) gifts from our fellow students, we’d eat cake, and yes there was a nativity scene. But since it’s a public school, I guess that would have to end. I think it already did in fact.
There was nothing religious to it. Well, I remember one year they dragged us all to the church for a christmas play but that’s never happened before. S’where my parents and many others drew the line. Afterall, I was not in religious classes. They usually kept all the atheist children off the church grounds, but somehow they didn’t that year. I think the teacher that was supposed to keep an eye on us was sick.
And that was not 40 years ago. I’m 23.
Are you saying that we should remove santa, the christmas tree, heck, everything representing the holidays from the holiday season in schools? Christmas is the time of the year kids look the most forward to. Adding that up in schools, face it, makes them HAPPY. We had muslim children. Jewish children. Hindus. They were HAPPY too. Their parents absolutely wanted them to be at the party. They participated in everything. They got and gave gifts too. Because now, christmas is no more about christ. It’s about children and families and having fun together.
Why is it that “Well just give at some other time of the year” doesn’t work? Because everyone doing it TOGETHER makes it extra special. Decorating makes it MAGICAL. And I have no problem with the public schools spending a few bucks on showing it’s that fun time of the year. If I give a teapot to my mom in july, she’ll love it for sure. She’ll remember I gave it to her. But she won’t remember when or anything. If I give it to her on Christmas day, she’ll remember and she might even cry. It’s the perfect time for gifts. Just because the origin was jesusy doesn’t mean you have to spit on it. Afterall, we’re the most anti-religious there is. My father was raped by a priest, for sake.
This is all misdirected outrage. The more significant grievance is with the lack of overt crosses, CocaCola Clauses, Christmas trees, and baby Jesuses. If this is supposed to be a Christmas card (and according to the Internet it is) they should be ashamed of their outright Christian bashing and antichrist agenda.
jen_m – neat!
Michelle – Because now, christmas is no more about christ. It’s about children and families and having fun together.
Ah, but that’s where you’re wrong. Down here in the southern land, the people who are creating the war on Christmas say that it is absolutely about christ, and anyone who says different is WRONG and must be STOPPED, and any holiday display that does not make the christian part explicit is incorrect and must be changed to “properly” show its true nature. Everything you’ve said about why you like Christmas is exactly what they’re fighting against.
Oh, yea, that’s the very religious minorities that always say that. Mind you, they’re the same folks that had a gym here block their windows cuz orthodox jews could see women exercizing in small outfits. You know, total lack of logic and trying to destroy whatever fun there is in society? Lots of guys probably cried that day.
But I’m talking about majorities here. Churches are empty, and most people don’t go around praising Christ anymore. Most of the folks around are atheist but still <3 Christmas.
Michelle, I would really love to live in your world, but I don’t. Try visiting the US midwest sometime. Try googling the megachurches that have over 7000 people attend every week. Notice how often the religious zealots show up in the mainstream US media, because they are advising the White house on what to do. These are not a small weird minority here.
Wow. You know, I never said anything like this before but… Darn, it looks like we ARE in front of you guys on that point right there. Churches are pretty much just full (Read: 20 of ’em?) of old folks. Only big problem I see here religious wise is that the government still make the churches tax exempt and that they fund them to keep them open since no believers go there anymore. “Preserving cultural heritage” they call it.
But just between you and me? It’s not great here for multiple other reasons. Don’t wish to live here. :P One reason is that lots of people are scaridy cats that prefer just giving religious minorities (and various other types of minorities) all they want so we can make eeeeeeeveryone happy.
Like I said, you just don’t get it.
“Just because the origin was jesusy doesn’t mean you have to spit on it”
Your happy memories of Christmas projects in school are irrelevant. Your families horrifying experiences with priests are irrelevant. In fact, almost everything you have said about this subject is irrelevant.
Christmas is a religious holiday. The state should not support religion in anyway. Therefore, no state sponsored Christmas displays.
You also wrote,
“Don’t wish to live here. :P One reason is that lots of people are scaridy cats that prefer just giving religious minorities (and various other types of minorities) all they want so we can make eeeeeeeveryone happy.”
Which minorities is it that are bugging you so much? Those pesky Jews? Or is it those irritating Muslims? Black folk? Native Americans? Would the world be better if all these minorities just shut up and do what the white folk said? Is there any other way to read your post?
My parents make New Years cards. This isn’t really because they’re not religious. It’s because it gives them a few more days to send out the cards.
Ugh, John, seriously not what I meant. How dare you even think that? Races are a retarded basic anyway. Don’t you know that the “give us everything at the price of your own rights” minorities are the worst? The minorities within the minorities. I don’t care about black guys, I don’t care about jews, I don’t care about gays, I don’t care about native america- oh nevermind, I care about these. Their demands are just getting more and more obnoxious. But then again, not the fault of most of them. Their boss we have here is just really really crazy.
Here are the ones I care about: the ones that absolutely refuse to give life-saving blood to their children. The ones that whine that they see a woman’s tight and sue her. The ones that say that we are racist in a way that makes themselves racist (but it doesn’t count cuz we are evil white and we persecuted them years ago. so they have the right to retaliate?). The ones that demand we allow them to be equal to men when what they demand actually makes them superior to men.
Not ALL women are obnoxious. Not ALL jews are obnoxious. Not ALL black guys are obnoxious. Not ALL gays are obnoxious. Not all Jehova’s wi… nevermind that, I’m not sure about that one. I just get the mental flash of that old guy JW handing out pamphlets for them in front of the sex shop near my job… Where was I? Oh yea. The problem’s the crazy ones that speak insane requests.
And frankly? I think that not allowing a tiny bit of fun in schools really sucks ass. What about valentine’s day? Or better, Halloween? It’s not really religious, but celebrated in schools. HOWEVER some people view it as satanic or evil. If they offend someone’s religion because of the devil part of it, does that mean Halloween should not be celebrated in schools? It was somehow religious oriented ages ago, mind you.
Why can’t christmas become a Halloween?
Michelle wrote:
“How dare you even think that?”
Because you wrote:
“But just between you and me? It’s not great here for multiple other reasons. Don’t wish to live here. :P One reason is that lots of people are scaridy cats that prefer just giving religious minorities (and various other types of minorities) all they want so we can make eeeeeeeveryone happy.”
I’m sorry to quote such a large chunk, but that’s really the only way I can respond. If you don’t want people to think you are a bigot, don’t complain about uppity minorities.
You are establishing a pattern. Long, rambling posts that are not relevant. I don’t care how much fun Christmas celebration in school is. It could be the most amazing experience ever–so amazing that the rest of my life will be a pathetic comedown. So amazing that I start shooting heroin in a pathetic attempt to recapture the faded glory making paper angels and singing Christmas carols in a school assembly.
It doesn’t matter.
Public schools should not promote religion.
Do you have any arguments beyond it’s fun, so you should all just relax?
People presumably have to be told to see that figure as a serial killer. I would have thought it was just someone with one of those modernish ratchet rattles who was rather noisily supporting the equally modern-looking ice-hockey team.