Warms my little black heart, it does.


Why, this just might be the best xmas present I’ve ever received!

Manure ‘bomb scare’ near US official Mnuchin’s home

US Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin,
America’s Owner
[photo: Reuters]

A suspicious package that turned out to contain horse manure sparked a bomb scare near the Los Angeles home of US Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, reports say.

The gift-wrapped manure was found at 19:40 (03:40 GMT) at the home next to Mr Mnuchin’s in Bel-Air, police said.

Police cleared the package an hour later and the Secret Service is investigating, CBS said.

Now let’s be clear here. Despite the scare quotes, this was no bomb: it was gift-wrapped horse shit. (LOL!) As far as I’m concerned this is exactly the kind of political “speech” that is (and damn well should be) protected by the First Amendment to the US Constitution. I ask you: if corporations are considered people whose cash = speech, what could possibly be a more just and eloquent retort than actual horse shit?

To be fair, it’s not clear whether the pile of festive feces was even meant for Mnuchin himself, since it was left at the home next door to his. But I so, so enthusiastically hope it was meant for him that I’m just going to be insisting that is a fact.

And believe it or not, this little turd package generated even more heartwarming feels for me:

Neighbours told local media of their irritation at the incident.

“We have $50 million homes and we can’t move, we can’t get out,” actress Zsa Zsa Gabor’s widower Prince Frederick von Anhalt, who was trapped for two hours, told CBS.

“That’s bad, they have to find another way.”

Can you even imagine? Being imprisoned in your $50 million mansion for TWO WHOLE EXCRUCIATING HOURS while the LAPD Bomb Squad risks their lives to ensure you won’t get blown up leaving your house? THE HORROR.

A big cheers to my #1 favorite Secret Santa EVAR for delivering gift-wrapped horse shit to Steve Mnuchin. Here’s hoping for a christmas miracle: that he or she never gets busted by the Secret Service.

[h/t born on the wrong continent]

Comments

  1. kestrel says

    ‘Tis the season of giving! LOL! That’s just lovely. I’d like to state that if anyone wishes to gift other worthy recipients in a like fashion, that I’ve got plenty of fresh horse shit daily. I would gladly provide a gift-giver with some, gratis. We have some notable politicians out there who deserve their fair share!

    Happy holidays!

  2. jrkrideau says

    I feel sorry for the poor rose fancier who won’t get their Xmas present due to this deliver mix-up.

  3. says

    This is problematic because: it’s not a bomb threat if there’s no attempt to make it look like a bomb or threatening. Wanna bet they go after the sender, though? Oligarchs do not approve of such things, examples must be made, etc.

    I just hope that Mnuchin is never able to eat in a restaurant again without consuming a certain amount of spit and jizz in his meal.

  4. Siobhan says

    Can you even imagine? Being imprisoned in your $50 million mansion for TWO WHOLE EXCRUCIATING HOURS while the LAPD Bomb Squad risks their lives to ensure you won’t get blown up leaving your house? THE HORROR.

    I’ve started to believe the rich don’t need to be actively evil (though many are), they can do plenty of damage simply by being clueless. If I had 50 million I sure as shit wouldn’t be using that figure as the start of a complaint.

  5. =8)-DX says

    It wasn’t anonymous, the guy openly and proudly admitted to sending it: here
    Good on, Robert Strong!
    =8)-DX

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