Why, this just might be the best xmas present I’ve ever received!
Manure ‘bomb scare’ near US official Mnuchin’s home
US Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin,
A suspicious package that turned out to contain horse manure sparked a bomb scare near the Los Angeles home of US Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, reports say.
The gift-wrapped manure was found at 19:40 (03:40 GMT) at the home next to Mr Mnuchin’s in Bel-Air, police said.
Police cleared the package an hour later and the Secret Service is investigating, CBS said.
Now let’s be clear here. Despite the scare quotes, this was no bomb: it was gift-wrapped horse shit. (LOL!) As far as I’m concerned this is exactly the kind of political “speech” that is (and damn well should be) protected by the First Amendment to the US Constitution. I ask you: if corporations are considered people whose cash = speech, what could possibly be a more just and eloquent retort than actual horse shit?
To be fair, it’s not clear whether the pile of festive feces was even meant for Mnuchin himself, since it was left at the home next door to his. But I so, so enthusiastically hope it was meant for him that I’m just going to be insisting that is a fact.
And believe it or not, this little turd package generated even more heartwarming feels for me:
Neighbours told local media of their irritation at the incident.
“We have $50 million homes and we can’t move, we can’t get out,” actress Zsa Zsa Gabor’s widower Prince Frederick von Anhalt, who was trapped for two hours, told CBS.
“That’s bad, they have to find another way.”
Can you even imagine? Being imprisoned in your $50 million mansion for TWO WHOLE EXCRUCIATING HOURS while the LAPD Bomb Squad risks their lives to ensure you won’t get blown up leaving your house? THE HORROR.
A big cheers to my #1 favorite Secret Santa EVAR for delivering gift-wrapped horse shit to Steve Mnuchin. Here’s hoping for a christmas miracle: that he or she never gets busted by the Secret Service.
[h/t born on the wrong continent]