It’s so hard sometimes to find that perfect objet d’art. You know: a little accent piece that delivers just the right pop of color, sophistication and whimsy. People who know me will tell you I am a huge thrift shop junkie, but that can be a hit-or-miss endeavor: on some days, I’d swear a marauding swarm of squirrels (with exquisite taste) devours every awesome object from all the downtown thrifts right before I get there. Fuckers.
And so, forlorn and thwarted by cruel fate, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
Behold: the official DEATH TO SQUIRRELS coffee mug.
Okay, so I’m not really drinking coffee. I prefer to fuel myself from the font of waterworks flowing forth upon the wailing and gnashing of right-wing teeth. Such occasions happen frequently in the US, for example whenever the privileged are affronted by the slightest threat to their Special Snowflake Entitlements™, conservative Christians are “persecuted” by being prohibited from inflicting their barbarous worldview on the rest of us, the militant flag wavers for PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!!!11!! are actually held accountable for their actions, or—my personal favorite—their evil policies are permanently blocked by a Federal Court. But in my opinion of course, these things do not happen often enough. Not nearly.
But when they do? Well, it is only right and proper that one possess an appropriate vessel from which to sip and savor the sweet, salty deliciousness of hot conservative tears.
Mmmm, mmmm. Hubris never tasted so good.
P.S. I’m considering selling these, if anyone would be interested in acquiring such things. Let me know in comments, and I’ll figure out how to proceed.