For some reason my coffee tastes especially good this morning.

It’s so hard sometimes to find that perfect objet d’art. You know: a little accent piece that delivers just the right pop of color, sophistication and whimsy. People who know me will tell you I am a huge thrift shop junkie, but that can be a hit-or-miss endeavor: on some days, I’d swear a marauding swarm of squirrels (with exquisite taste) devours every awesome object from all the downtown thrifts right before I get there. Fuckers.

And so, forlorn and thwarted by cruel fate, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

Behold: the official DEATH TO SQUIRRELS coffee mug.

coffee mug with cartoonish dead squirrel head on front, and blog logo "death to squirrels" on back.

Okay, so I’m not really drinking coffee. I prefer to fuel myself from the font of waterworks flowing forth upon the wailing and gnashing of right-wing teeth. Such occasions happen frequently in the US, for example whenever the privileged are affronted by the slightest threat to their Special Snowflake Entitlements™, conservative Christians are “persecuted” by being prohibited from inflicting their barbarous worldview on the rest of us, the militant flag wavers for PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!!!11!! are actually held accountable for their actions, or—my personal favorite—their evil policies are permanently blocked by a Federal Court. But in my opinion of course, these things do not happen often enough. Not nearly.

But when they do? Well, it is only right and proper that one possess an appropriate vessel from which to sip and savor the sweet, salty deliciousness of hot conservative tears.

coffee mug with "HOT CONSERVATIVE TEARS" printed on the front, and on the back.

Mmmm, mmmm. Hubris never tasted so good.


P.S. I’m considering selling these, if anyone would be interested in acquiring such things. Let me know in comments, and I’ll figure out how to proceed.


  1. says

    Caine: How much would you pay for one? I’m thinking… ONE. MILLION. DOLLARS!!!

    Marcus Ranum: No worries. Conservatives have yet to deliver a respectable burn.

    PZ: You must be thinking of conservative spittle, which is indeed quite vile. Their tears are sweet – must be an adaptation to fool us into thinking they have empathy or something.

  2. chigau (違う) says

    That seems to have worked.
    But I’m curious.
    What triggered the filter? Is it automatic?
    the word “conservative”?
    the word “death”?
    the word

  3. says

    chigau (違う): I think I know how it may have happened: in the page setup screen, one of the questions is something akin to movie ratings, i.e. general, PG-13, or adult. I picked PG-13, because I could envision designs that would incorporate an F-bomb (or three). But there’s no need for it now, so I set it to “general” — which seems to have done the trick. Thanks for catching that and letting me know.

  4. DonDueed says

    Iris, it’s a bit off topic but you’d probably appreciate this…

    Yesterday I went out to vacuum the swimming pool. I opened the skimmer, then jumped back and practically fell over. There was the head of a squirrel staring at me!

    It was dead, drowned I presume. It must have fallen into the pool, couldn’t get out, and ended up getting halfway sucked into the skimmer.

    So I guess I’m doing my bit to eliminate the menace, without even trying.