Thursday, June 1st marks World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD), a global movement to raise the profile of narcissistic abuse, provide public education, resources for survivors, and effect policy change.   Add the hashtag #IfMyWoundsWereVisible to your facebook page if you were abused by a narcissist or know someone who was.  Flying Monkeys Denied is another site worth visiting.  It explains what a flying monkey is and how narcissists use them.

What are the traits of a narcissist?  Mystical Raven’s item about narcissistic mothers, but it can be anyone – parent, sibling, partner, employer, coworker, neighbor, “friend”, etc.

1. Everything she does is deniable.
2. She violates your boundaries.
3. She favoritizes.
4. She undermines.
5. She demeans, criticizes and denigrates.
6. She makes you look crazy.
7. She’s envious.
8. She’s a liar in too many ways to count.
9. She has to be the center of attention all the time.
10. She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.
11. She’s selfish and willful.
12. She’s self-absorbed.
13. She is insanely defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism.
14. She terrorizes.
15. She’s infantile and petty.
16. She’s aggressive and shameless.
17. She “parentifies.”
18. She’s exploitative.
19. She projects.
20. She is never wrong about anything.
21. She seems to have no awareness that other people even have feelings.
22. She blames.
23. She destroys your relationships.
24. As a last resort she goes pathetic.

Both of my genetic donors displayed at least twenty of these traits.  I went No Contact sixteen years ago for good reason. My siblings, who are still under their control despite the two being dead, performed as flying monkeys when I attempted to avoid contact with them.

Blood relation is not a legal obligation.  Cutting all contact with blood relatives is considered a social taboo (“but they’re your family!”) and some question and interrogate those who make this decision.  But ask yourself: Would you tell a woman who left an abusive ex-husband to “forgive and reconcile”?  No, you wouldn’t.  So why does being blood related grant abusers special privilege?

A person’s obligation is to themselves, to their own physical and mental well being, even if others claim “their feelings are hurt”.  As with many forms of abuse:

• Don’t question or doubt the person.
• Don’t suggest it was something the person did.
• Don’t “suggest forgiveness” – it’s already been tried.
• Don’t “help” (read: don’t become a flying monkey) unless asked.
• Listen, respect and support the person.