Via Diatomaceous Earth, via pharyngula, we have a letter to the editor, helpfully explaining the global warming crisis.

Well, folks, here we go again.
First they try to make us believe in the “big-bang” theory; then the “millions of years” theory; then the “we all came from monkeys” theory or even the “sea” theory.

Let’s get into the real solution as to what happened and read the Bible. Genesis will explain how it all was created.

Now for the global warming story Al Gore and others are pushing on us; it’s time to read Genesis to Revelation in the Bible.

When God sent the rain on this Earth for 40 days and nights, all this water had to go someplace so the Earth would be dry again.

Remember, God is the Creator and controls the universe.

God tilted the Earth from its original position and caused all the excess water to rush to the poles, and there he instantly froze the water into the ice formations that exist today.

Time is ticking down on God’s time clock. With all the nuclear bombs that are made and stored for the fast-emerging last battle, this Earth would burn up when these nuclear bombs are set off.

We are not creating global warming – God is tipping the Earth back to its original position on its axis and thus getting all this ice to get ready to move and extinguish the nuclear destructive fires man will create.

Time is running out, folks. Jesus is coming soon. Do you know him as your personal Savior?

Dear sir: Thank you for explaining
How the forty days of raining
As reported in a bronze-age myth, explains the current crisis.
Now I’ll sit and let my brain go
Limp, and thank God for the rainbow
And not bother with what’s happening to all the Arctic ices.
We know water only freezes
Cos it suits the will of Jesus;
In a moment it could all return to liquid H2O.
So when Man blows up the planet,
Time for Jesus, who began it,
To return the ice to water and to let the oceans flow.
To destroy the population
With a man-made conflagration?
Why, it’s blasphemous, if what the bible says to us is true!
Whether flood, or plague, or locust
God’s attention is now focused—
The destruction of humanity is Yahweh’s job to do!

So the Secular Coalition for America wondered whether they were welcome in the Democratic Party. Yeah, I know, it shouldn’t even be a question–we are a secular nation, after all, aren’t we? But an Interfaith Gathering (yup, with Capital Letters and everything) was being held, and with a name like that it implies that those without faith (or is that Without Faith?), if they are being polite, should ask first whether they are invited:

Dear Rev. Daughtry:

I am very concerned about the Interfaith Gathering at the upcoming Democratic National Convention.

This event is described as a “unity” event to stress the “big tent” nature of the Democratic Party; however, I have received complaints by people who identify as atheist and humanist who feel that this event excludes them as full participants in the convention.

(excerpt, from the link above–go read the whole thing)

This polite inquiry could not offend anyone, could it?

Well…

A few atheists have their panties in a twist once again, this time fussing that an atheist leader wasn’t invited to speak at an Aug. 24 interfaith service that’s part of the Democratic National Convention.

The service will feature Christian, Muslim, Jewish and Buddhist speakers. The official reason for the interfaith services is “to honor the diverse faith traditions inside the Democratic Party,” which could easily include atheists. If they aren’t welcome, it’s probably because they’re rude.

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Democrats will nominate a Christian gentleman who respects others. It’s likely they didn’t invite atheists to their faith service because they didn’t want embarrassing guests. Atheists might bring pseudointellectual proselytizers, who are intolerant, self-aggrandizing and rude. Atheists should fund universities and hospitals. They should feed and clothe starving kids. They should act more like Christians and Jews. If they do some of that – if they contribute to a diverse humanity – they might get better party invites.

And the author defends his ignorance against a handful of intelligent individuals commenting on his rant. (Seriously, the comments are worth reading!)

Anyway…

I think my words were misconstrued
I wasn’t meaning to be rude
I only simply asked if you’d be letting others in.
I did not mean to cause you grief
But still, you seem to have a beef
With those of us who lack belief—you tell us that we sin.
It seems to me that you, not I
Are being rude—the reason why
Is that your statements all imply your view’s the one that counts,
And mine’s irrelevant, I’m told—
A view, if I may be so bold,
I’ve heard so much it’s growing old—my aggravation mounts.
The arguments you sometimes see—
Is God one part, or is He three?—
They simply don’t apply to me; I do not hold those views.
To have the government maintain
One view is right, is just insane;
For if one faith is set to gain, all others, then, must lose.
A secular society,
I think religions must agree,
Maintains each church’s right to be possessed of their belief.
To separate belief from state
Should really be beyond debate—
For me to be accused of hate for saying so? Good Grief!

A couple of days ago, one of my favorite bloggers actually wrote me and alerted me to her post here, a fun bit of wordplay and parody toying with that old classic “Gimme that old time religion”. Go ahead, follow the link and read her post–great fun, that. I’ll wait.

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Back so soon? Anyway, I wanted to collect my responses there and put them here before I forget them, and to alert any regulars here (are there any left? Sorry I was gone for so long–summers are weird.) to try their own hands at the game. And to point out that Greta Christina’s own verses are superbly crafted and worth reading.

But read hers on her blog. I’m just gonna put my own here.

My first set:

To me, there are no gods like the Greek gods. They are just so… so human. So delightfully carnal, a celebration of the whole human experience, warts and all.

At the Temple of Apollo
Some will lead and some will follow
Some will spit and some will swallow
And that’s good enough for me

When we follow Dionysus
Then no matter what the price is
We’ll engage in all our vices
And that’s good enough for me

With Athena in her armor
So that mortal man can’t harm’er
She is such a gorgeous charmer*
And that’s good enough for me

And the thunderbolts of Zeus’s
Are the least of his abuses
Leda talks about his gooses
And that’s good enough for me

Let us all revere Poseidon
Cos he’ll find you where you’re hidin’
And your ass he’ll soon be ridin’
And that’s good enough for me

When we speak of beaux and Eros
Our perspective rather narrows
Though it pierce us to our marrows
It’s good enough for me

Let us follow Terpsichore
As she leads us all to glory
Every dance will tell a story
And that’s good enough for me

We need never wonder why, men,
We will strive to do and die**, men,
At the service of dear Hymen,
And that’s good enough for me

*alternate line—“I would plow her like a farmer”
**well, a little death, anyway.

Then a few, as per Greta Christina’s recommendation, regarding the modern skeptical deity-equivalents:

Let us follow the immortals
Till we pass through Heaven’s portals
And deliver them our chortles–
That’s good enough for me!

If we laugh ourselves unsteady
And keep criticism ready,
Flying monsters of spaghetti
Are good enough for me!

Though invisible, it’s pinking–
It’s a unicorn, I’m thinking–
And the atheists are winking
And that’s good enough for me!

Though I have no God vendetta,
I would sooner worship Greta,
Though in truth, I’ve never met-a
She’s good enough for me!

I am now in such fine fettle
That I think I have the mettle
To bow down to Russell’s kettle
Cos it’s good enough for me…

If I bow before some entity
And call it heaven-sentity
Please check on my dementity
That’s good enough for me

And lastly, just for fun:

Let us toast to Quetzalcoatl
With the contents of this bottle
Not a little, but a lot’ll
Be good enough for me

We will toast the feathered snakey
Till the world is blurred and shakey
Then pass out ’til wakey-wakey,
That’s good enough for me

If your deity is serpentine
Please check what you are slurpin’- find
A label that says “turpentine”?
That’s good enough for me

So have at it–add more, and visit Greta Christina’s site and add them there as well!

PZ writes of a fascinating fossil find… A pair of footprints, one overlapping the other, left by a human and a theropod respectively. The fossil is… not terribly convincing.

But, of course, there are creationists touting it as the real deal, and as evidence that humans and dinosaurs walked the earth together, just like in that documentary. You know, the one with Fred and Wilma, I forget the name.

Anyway, it seems odd to me that the people who are supposed to have the most faith are the ones going out of their way to manufacture “evidence” so that they will not have to rely on faith. But I should be used to that by now.

I was thinking, though… what if the fossil really is the work of god? Fossils have been seen as a test of faith, placed there by god to see if we will still believe; what if this transparent fake is actually the work of god, placed there as a test of intellect?

The tracks of Man and Theropod
Were planted, by a playful God
To test the use of Human minds
Confronted with such puzzling finds.

The first upon Jehovah’s list
To see it, a Creationist;
He swallowed hook, and line, and sinker,
Showing God he was no thinker.

The second looked, and laughed and laughed
To see the shoddiness of craft;
His open eyes would not be guiled,
And God looked down and simply smiled.

The third to look was just a boy
Who looked at it with open joy
And thought “that looks like so much fun,
I’ll try to make another one!”

When even children plainly see
A fake, it is no mystery;
But as we grow, we often find
Some choose a path that leaves them blind.

And it should come as no surprise
They trust their faith, and not their eyes;
And will not hear if you explain
That–maybe–God prefers the brain.

Wow!

Faster than I read it–maybe even faster than I am able to read it! Another stunning performance by The Modest Agnostic. Thank you for, as always, making me sound better than I actually am!

Wow. Much Ado About A Wafer. Who’d have thunk that this story had legs? As mild as this could have been, I suppose that if you piss off enough people, a number of them will react badly. As many have commented, the law cannot possibly take the side of the church in this case without setting a nasty precedent. Support one religion, and where does it end?

P. Z. Meyers’ bad behavior toward the body of Our Savior
Is at minimum appalling, and it’s blasphemy at most!
This is more than merely naughty—this is Christ Almighty’s Body—
There’s a special place in Hell for those who desecrate the Host!

Dr. Meyers would be safer if he just ignored the wafer;
‘Cos the Prince Of Peace has followers who will not mess around.
There’s no blogger, nerd, or hacker who can simply steal a cracker—
These are people who have re-defined the phrase “too tightly wound”.

Now it’s more than merely prattle, it’s a First Amendment battle;
Can the Catholics demand the recognition of their views?
And if transubstantiation is supported by the nation
Will the other faith communities each, likewise, get to choose?

When you lean toward theocratic, it is far from automatic
That the legal recognition of your rituals will follow—
If our goal is “not offending”, then the list is never-ending,
And the spectrum of religions is too big a bite to swallow.

If the nation acts as proxy for one form of orthodoxy
Then the other True Believers could be truly in a lurch;
But our brilliant founding fathers saw through this and other bothers
And decided to prohibit the endorsement of one church.

If believers were offended, that’s what Myers had intended—
While it may not be polite, he has the right to be a jerk;
It’s the nation’s Constitution that prevents his prosecution,
Sure, it’s not the Holy Bible, but it kinda seems to work.

Just an octopus, happy, at play

Then we zoom out (we know that we may)

And it seems that the odds

Say that cephalopods

Are involved in the Last Judgment Day

(Took these pics today. Can you guess?)

It’s out of this world! And so very nice,
In the barrens of Mars, to have dug up some ice!
My prediction today? That intrepid explorers
Will soon find the signs of some Naked Ice Borers!

It should make you worry when you
Find your cousin on the menu
At a pleasant Greek Taverna at the Galaxidi shore
It was Greece–so I was fated
Once I’d eaten, and was sated,
To be punished by Poseidon like I never was before
We were looking at the ocean
When there came a funny motion
Just a little instability I felt beneath my feet
Then the sidewalk started moving
Like the gods themselves were proving
We were just a little early when we called them obsolete

We had traveled through the epicenter town about 2-3 hours before the earthquake hit. The photo above is indeed from the Taverna in Galaxidi where we had just eaten when the sidewalks started imitating the ocean.

Anna Lemma reports (and has been for some time) on a Ford Dealership radio ad that explicitly alienates Atheists, while pandering to an 86% Christian majority.

When the rapture sweeps the planet
I know Heaven’s my reward,
But for now my piece of paradise
I bought from Henry Ford

It’s a broken-down jalopy;
It’s a rusted piece of junk;
But there’s Jesus on the dashboard
And a fishy on the trunk

Sure, it leaks a little oil,
And it doesn’t “turn”, but “lurch”,
Seven miles to the gallon
But it gets me to my church

You can hear me from a block away
And smell last weekend’s skunk,
But there’s Jesus on the dashboard
And a fishy on the trunk

Got a brand-new bumper sticker
Saying “What Would Jesus Do?”
Now it’s holding up my tail light
With some duct tape and some glue

You can almost hear the “Kieffe and Sons”
In every “Rattle-Clunk”,
But there’s Jesus on the dashboard
And a fishy on the trunk.

I saw a car that had a fish—
A Darwin fish, with legs!
I fixed it, with a wrecking bar
And half a dozen eggs

Don’t mess with me or with my God
You heathen, godless punk—
I’ve got Jesus on my dashboard
And a fishy on my trunk.