Never Was Good With Machines…

Actually, the original title was “The singularity can’t come soon enough”, but I found that the people who googled “can’t come soon enough” weren’t actually looking for my writing.

This is one of my faves from the old digs; today’s earlier post on the Internet Of Things put it in mind.

I have a machine to smell my coffee,
To see if it’s any good;
I asked it to make me the perfect cup,
But I think it misunderstood—
It analyzed alkaloids, sampled aromas,
Tried seventeen samples of beans,
Then told me I clearly had no taste at all:
I never was good with machines.

My pre-owned car has an onboard computer—
It measures my driving, you see.
I guess I don’t drive like the previous owner;
My car likes him better than me.
It spits out a spreadsheet of technical numbers—
I don’t know what much of it means,
Except that my car thinks it’s better without me:
I never was good with machines.

Of course, at my office, I have a computer—
The one I am using right now;
It laughs at my grammar and sneers at my spelling,
Although I’m not really sure how.
Just one tiny part of a cubicle farm
Where we’re packed like so many sardines—
Do we use computers, or do they use us?
I never was good with machines.

I’m worried that someday my household appliances,
Sitting at home on my shelves,
Finally realize there’s nothing I offer
That they can’t do better themselves.
They make better coffee, they get better mileage,
Their words rarely stink up their screens—
And I’ll be left out in the cold and the dark:
I never was good with machines.

Attack of the Internet Of Things

The ID chip in my brand-new shoes
And the ID chip in my jeans
Have been talking to strangers I pass on the street
And I’m not really sure what that means

The chip in my shirt holds a brief conversation
With chips in the windows of stores
It talks to the bagels and talks to the books,
But me, it politely ignores

Are they planning surprises? Sharing some gossip?
Just talking behind my back?
Are they sentient beings with minds of their own
Using software to plan an attack?

Is it companies working to track their consumers
To figure which items are hot?
Is it Microsoft, Apple, McDonald’s or worse,
Some sort of a government plot?

I’m ripping the tags from my shoes and my clothing
To frustrate the spies and the moles
So no one will know as I walk down the street
With my clothing in tatters and holes.

Paranoid rant, after the jump: [Read more…]

Some Thoughts On Mabus

Some thoughts on Mabus.

First. What is public is not much thus far. Stephane Giroux reports via twitter “Bipolar, compounded by alcohol and substance abuse, psy report sez. Hence the rehab while awaiting next court date.” That next scheduled court date is Dec. 2.

That’s pretty much the extent of what is available at present. The “why are you writing about this?” stuff comes after the jump. [Read more…]

Advice For An Executioner

Brush away the doubts you had
If ever they existed
Forget the hints of innocence
You must be iron-fisted
Forget that seven witnesses
Were pressed, they say, to lie;
Cos someone killed a cop, you see
So someone’s got to die.

Push aside the arguments
Of bias in the system
The courts have heard them all before
And this time, they’ve dismissed them
Forget the lack of evidence
To say he is the one
It’s eye for eye, and life for life,
And justice must be done

Sleep with guiltless conscience
That’s assuming that you can
Do what it takes; convince yourself
You’ve got the guilty man
You may have killed the man you blame
But in your dreams, you’ll see
The man you killed was not the one…
The killer has gone free

If Cole Porter Were An Evolutionary Psychologist…

It’s a reproductive message
And I’m passing it along
I read it in my DNA
And wrote it in this song
It’s just a reproductive message
A reproductive message to you

It’s an imperative of nature
It’s not just my excuse
There is no greater calling
Than “survive and reproduce”
It’s an imperative of nature
A reproductive message to you

I’m enamored of your phenotype
I’d love to share your genotype
I never thought I’d see no type like you
Your lovely physiology
Has triggered my biology
And now, no simple “golly gee” will do

So now my message is embedded
In meter and in verse
With music as the medium
I guess it could be worse
So long as someone gets embedded…
A reproductive message to you

We all are in the bidness
Of reproductive fitness
But now I fear I’m witnessing the end
Biology is boom or bust
And when it comes to love and lust
No future comes from being just a friend

And that’s the purpose of my singing
You’ve probably deduced
The music is irrelevant
Unless you’ve been seduced
And that’s the purpose of my singing
My reproductive message to you

Sciency stuff after the jump:
[Read more…]

No News On Mabus

Today is the day Dennis Markuze, AKA David Mabus, was scheduled to appear in court after his 30-day psych evaluation. No reports yet in Quebec news outlets; if you know of anything, I would love to hear it. I hope it went well for him, whatever the outcome. Secondarily, I hope we’re not about to be inundated with new rants.

Update, of sorts– His evaluation is not over yet, and so he cannot be indicted at present. Perhaps the best source to follow is @stephaneincourt on twitter.

The Spiritual Guide To Losing

When life gives you lemons, when life steals your hope,
When tragedy o’erflows your cup
When suffering comes, amidst crisis and loss
The key is to learn to give up.

The things you’ve achieved, and the battles you’ve won
Your possessions—your piece of the pie
Your retirement savings from decades of work,
It’s much better to just let them die.

Refocus your mind from the things of the world
To redemption, forgiveness from sin
The key to it all, in the spiritual sense?
Re-defining a loss as a win.

Rant, after the jump:
[Read more…]

Texas Eats Puppy

Having dried up the lakes, and dehydrated guppies
The governor now sets his sights on the puppies
Since his prayer-fest for rain, which the whole region lacks,
It’s been sunshine and drought, and the land now has cracks
Not spiderweb cracks—that would almost be luck—
Big enough that a puppy fell in and got stuck!
If Perry has got a connection to God
Then these cracks that eat puppies are more than just odd—
Either way, the conclusion’s a little bit scary:
Either Perry hates puppies… or God hates Perry.

The drought has left the earth in Texas cracked and hurting. The cracks are familiar to anyone who has seen a dried-out lake bed, but of course, everything is bigger in Texas. In Texas, the cracks are big enough to have trapped a puppy, who needed to be rescued. Yes, the puppy is cute. Yes, there is video at the link.

What Would An Atheist Do?

Inspired by PZ’s post, back just prior to Hurricane/Tropical Storm Irene hitting the east coast, about David Silverman’s appearance on Fox. Basically, Silverman was invited on so that the hosts could ask him how atheists prepare for storms, and then make fun of him for not praying.

Of course, preparing for a potential disaster takes many forms, but the forms that are actually effective have one thing in common: they are among the things that atheists would do. Batteries? Check. Water? Check. Food? Check. First aid kit? Check. Prayer? Not so much. Candles? Matches? Check; check. Rosary? Nope. As Silverman said, the best thing you can do is prepare like an atheist.

Which got me thinking, and then composing. So below the fold is… not a verse, but a song. In my head it even has an actual melody and accompaniment–original, not a parody of any song I am aware of. For style, think John Hiatt, with a gospel choir backing him up. After the jump:
[Read more…]