Knit Me A Brain

Our friend Daniel over at Camels With Hammers has noticed an influx of people with long needles. In a show of freethought blogs support, I thought I’d repost a couple of posts from my old digs that got quite a few visits from Ravelry in the past. Just trying to make the new place more comfy.


A tip of the cuttlecap to Shelley of Retrospectacle for reporting on the Museum of Scientifically Accurate Fabric Brain Art

We’ve got sweaters to mend; we’ve got socks we can darn,
So pull up a chair, and I’ll spin you a yarn;
It’s a song with a Scarecrow-of-Oz-like refrain:
Please pick up your needles and knit me a brain!

I’ve knitted my bones, and I’ve knitted my brow,
But I’ve never seen brains knitted—up until now;
With each neural pathway a separate skein,
It’s Art and it’s Science, so knit me a brain!

Two hemispheres knit, and then reaching across ‘em
A beautiful, zippered-up corpus callosum;
Such fine application of knit, purl, and chain,
I want one myself—so please, knit me a brain!

With the brain’s convolutions appropriately gyred
This fabric creation has got me inspired!
My love for this art, I can hardly contain—
So how can I get one? Please knit me a brain!

Some people may tell you I’ve gone ‘round the bend
That the stuff ‘twixt my ears needs some decades to mend.
I could use some new grey-matter; mine’s gone insane,
It would not go to waste, if you’d knit me a brain.

You can see for yourself—why, just look at the time
I must take to obsessively put things to rhyme;
Something’s wrong, and I think that the answer is plain:
I need a replacement—so knit me a brain!

The Most Amazing Thing

If you take a look around while you’re out walking
Just to catalog the things you chance to see
From the beetle at your footstep to the pigeon overhead
To the bracket fungus high up in a tree
You will notice the abundances of nature
It’s astonishing, of course, because it’s true

And the most amazing thing about this earthworm

And the most amazing thing about this kitty

And the most amazing thing about this sea cucumber

And the most amazing thing about this virus

And the most amazing thing about this mushroom

And the most amazing thing about this octopus

And the most amazing thing about this fig tree

And the most amazing thing about this wallaby

And the most amazing thing about this daffodil

And the most amazing thing about this slime mold

And the most amazing thing about this yeast cell

And the most amazing thing about this humpback

And the most amazing thing about this baby

And the most amazing thing about this amoeba

And the most amazing thing about this every living thing

Is that all of it’s related… to you.
[Read more…]

If Cole Porter Were An Evolutionary Psychologist…

It’s a reproductive message
And I’m passing it along
I read it in my DNA
And wrote it in this song
It’s just a reproductive message
A reproductive message to you

It’s an imperative of nature
It’s not just my excuse
There is no greater calling
Than “survive and reproduce”
It’s an imperative of nature
A reproductive message to you

I’m enamored of your phenotype
I’d love to share your genotype
I never thought I’d see no type like you
Your lovely physiology
Has triggered my biology
And now, no simple “golly gee” will do

So now my message is embedded
In meter and in verse
With music as the medium
I guess it could be worse
So long as someone gets embedded…
A reproductive message to you

We all are in the bidness
Of reproductive fitness
But now I fear I’m witnessing the end
Biology is boom or bust
And when it comes to love and lust
No future comes from being just a friend

And that’s the purpose of my singing
You’ve probably deduced
The music is irrelevant
Unless you’ve been seduced
And that’s the purpose of my singing
My reproductive message to you

Sciency stuff after the jump:
[Read more…]

The Unknowable and the Unknown

I ponder the unknowable
I do it all the time
I introspect and navel-gaze
And most of it in rhyme
It gives me job security—
A niche to call my own—
Unknowables are permanent,
Unlike the mere unknown.

Unsolvable conundrums
Are my favorite sorts of stuff
Impossibly attractive, I
Just cannot get enough
They have no real solution,
So you can’t get too involved—
It’s really so much easier
Than solving the unsolved.

A question that’s unanswered
Is an open invitation
To poke around, to sniff for clues,
Begin investigation
I much prefer unanswerables
And have since just a pup
Cos none can know the answer, so
I get to make shit up.

A bit of context, after the jump:
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The Equal And Opposite Scientist

I’m the “equal and opposite scientist”
And my thinking is outside the box
I’m the one who knows climate is cooling
And I’m willing to say so on Fox

Metaphorical six-gun for hire
If your story is lacking “both sides”
I can give you an expert opinion
From somebody with real bona fides

An idea outside of the mainstream
Needs a face with a real Ph. D.
If there’s nobody else in your corner
For a price, there can always be me

I can give you my expert opinion
Make it sound like an absolute fact
What you need isn’t really an expert
But an expert-ish-type who can act

“Well, the jury’s still out on this issue”
“Yes, but not every expert agrees”
“We’re still waiting for adequate data”
I’ve got dozens of answers like these!

“We don’t know if it’s safe for our children”
“Might have side effects yet to be seen”
“We are messing with powerful forces”
You’re beginning to see what I mean

And when science has reached a consensus
That’s the time that it really gets fun
When it seems there is no opposition
On the news, hey, you only need one

All it takes is one expert opinion
All it takes is one chance to confuse
I’m the “equal and opposite scientist”
I’m the one that you see on the news

When you need to create some confusion
I’m the one you can count on to thank
I’m the “equal and opposite scientist”
And I’m smiling my way to the bank

thoughts, after the jump:
[Read more…]

Headline Muse, 9/1

Eating burgers, or salads, or soup
Has effects, say researchers who snoop,
They determine the kind
And the number we find,
Of bacteria found in your poop

Headline: What We Eat Shapes Microbe Societies Inside Us

Yeah, I cheated again; it’s not a proper headline but NPR’s health blog, “Shots” (great name). But what a great story. I’m sure my readers already know that there are more cells inside of you that are not yours than that are. More bacteria cells than person cells. And yes, this bacteriological biome acts as an organ, and helps to make you the person you are. And that alone is so very cool. But it turns out that (obvious in hindsight–a phrase intended as a compliment to the authors) what you eat helps to shape what sort of bacteriological population you carry.

Y’know, just click the link and read the story. It’s very worth it.

Apple and Gods

So there have been any number of stories recently about Steve Jobs, due to his recent retirement. Here, for instance, PZ talks about some of what Jobs did so incredibly well. Me, I’m just going to take advantage of the current situation to repost a recent comment on a neurological finding.

Mac-ily crack-ily
Apple Enthusiasts
Think about gadgets, and
Light up their brains,

Piquing the interest of
Neuroanatomists,
Glad to discuss what
The picture explains:

Sexily, vexily,
Newest technology
Shows an analysis
Just a touch odd;

Macheads don’t suffer from
Psychopathology;
Rather, their brains see the
Gadgets as God.

Apple-ish, Chapel-ish
Documentarians
Came to conclusions
A bit front-to-back;

God was their yardstick, but
Incomprehensibly—
Truth is, Jehovah is
Merely a Mac.

[Read more…]