The biggest Dog had always been
The biggest Dog He’d known
He always barked the loudest
And He gnawed the biggest bone
He’d been the highest jumper, too;
He’d been the deepest digger.
He’d always been the biggest Dog…
And then He met one bigger.
The gods have taken many guises;
Fathers, mothers, monsters, friends,
Tricksters bent on bold surprises
Schemers bent on selfish ends
That’s how we’ve known ‘em.
We’ve done our best to try to please ,
To understand as best we could;
For eons we had bent our knees;
Then questioned gods, then boldly stood,
And now, outgrown ‘em.
The Church is a constant; unchanging; a rock;
The foundation of morals; the source of true light
The views of society shift like the sand,
But the church remains solid, and fixed in God’s Sight.
(Abuse is something we’d never allow—
Well, maybe before; that was then, this is now.)
The Church is unwavering, ethically bound,
The Lord’s representatives here on this earth
Committed to God, to The Word he revealed,
The Church has not altered a bit since its birth
(Abuse has happened, yes, we know,
But such a long, long time ago!)
The Church is a shoulder on which you can lean,
The best source of solace; a comfort in grief
Its unchanging nature is part of its strength,
You bring us your troubles, we’ll bring you relief
(Some priests’ behavior may have raised fears,
But why bring those up, after so many years?)
The Church is the teacher of absolute morals,
Of ethics not bound by the whims of the day;
The laws set in stone by Our Heavenly Father
Which never will alter one bit, come what may
(That cover-up of which you speak?
That’s not us now, that’s us last week!)
It seems to me that the church, in recent weeks, has been simultaneously advocating two positions. It is a rock of absolute morality (when compared with the situational ethics we see in secular society, which is clearly inferior) that does not change, has not changed, will not change, because it is, was, and will forever be God’s representative on earth. And it is not raping children any more, would you please quit calling them child rapists, cos after all, that stuff happened sooooo long ago, and we’ve changed since then!
If the silly men in dresses
Will not recognize their messes
Then the remedy, I guess, is
We shall have to point them out
If the pope we have offended
Think but this, and all is mended:
That’s no less than was intended
(If there ever was a doubt)
Should he stay away from Blighty,
Scorn has beaten God Almighty–
We should all exclaim “all righty,
Then!”, and disregard the pope!
But a cancelled papal visit
Isn’t realistic, is it?
Still, the prospect is exquisite…
And a Cuttlefish can hope!
“Your Holiness, a moment please–we’ve made a couple changes
To the schedule you will follow while you’re visiting this week.
It’s really nothing, mostly–it just sort of rearranges
All the visits, cos a group or two would like to hear you speak.”
“There’s a group of rape survivors; there’s a dozen men with AIDS;
There’s two priests–a married couple–who are looking for your blessing
There’s an epidemiologist, who says his courage fades
When he sees you’re banning condoms when he knows the need is pressing”
“There’s an hour with some “Hitchens” and another with some “Fry”
And between the two, expect to feel a modicum of shame
And then lastly, there’s this “Jesus” bloke, who wants to ask you why,
You are doing all this stupid shit, and say it’s in his name”
There is far, far too much scandal
At the Vatican these days
Since it cannot be the Church’s fault
Let’s try to blame the gays!
With their sinful choice of lifestyle
And their flaunting of God’s creed,
If we have to point the finger
They’re a likely cause indeed!
There is much too much at stake here—
Far too much that we could lose—
So to keep our asses covered
We should also blame the Jews!
They have constantly conspired to
Bring a downfall to the Church:
If you want to find a smoking gun,
The Jews are who to search!
There is blame enough to go around
(As if you couldn’t tell),
I think it prudent we should blame
The atheists as well!
They have no moral compass
But they want to write the laws—
A secular society
Must clearly be the cause!
It’s hardly worth our mention,
Yet another group to name,
But you cannot help but notice
There’s the media to blame!
The reporters keep on digging,
Though they’re covered up in dirt—
Such a filthy occupation;
Think of all the priests they’ve hurt!
There’s one more group deserving blame;
They’re making lots of noise,
And claiming to be victims, too—
I mean, of course, the boys!
Their baseless accusations are
But acts of desperation;
They, too, should shoulder guilt
For leading priests into temptation!
So many guilty parties,
Waging war against the Pope—
One fact alone sustains us
And allows us still to hope:
One group alone is blameless—
There is nothing to discuss—
No matter where we’re finding fault
It won’t be found in us!
******
The sad thing, of course, is that each of these groups *have* been named, by one or another apologist, as the true culprits to blame for the scandals.
When life gives you lemons, the old-timers warn,
And everything starts to look sour,
Just make lemonade! This is no time to mourn,
But a time to start “Church Happy Hour”!
From ten to eleven, on Saturday night,
Half off blood of Our Lord Jesus Christ,
Come knock off a chalice of red or of white,
While the sacrament’s reasonably priced!
There are pretzels and chips at the pew, in a dish,
For the church-going Happy Hour snacker,
Or the Flesh Of Our Savior, if that is your wish,
For the folks who want more than a cracker
It’s the hippest of hippest, the best place I know
Where believers can mingle or meet–
But this weekend, I’m thinking It’s safer to go
To the topless church, just down the street!
The news from Australia: More crimes committed in churches than in strip clubs.
A breakdown of the figures showed that 85 people were assaulted in places of worship, compared to 66 at an adult entertainment premises.
According to the report, places of worship include churches, synagogues, monasteries, mosques, convents, cathedrals and chapels.
Premises listed under adult entertainment included strip clubs, sex shops, brothels, massage parlours, homosexual clubs, gaming houses as well as gambling clubs.
Places of worship were also ahead on sexual offences (16), theft from motor vehicles (33), resisting arrest (seven) and liquor offences (10).
Harassment and threatening behaviour at places of worship (30) was more than double that of adult entertainment (13).
It’s the Easter egg hunt down at Beaverdale Park
With activities scheduled from dawn until dark–
Would you like to join in on the fun? On your mark,
Set, and go!
To and fro!
And explosion of children cascades on the lawn
They are searching for eggs, hither, thither, and yon;
The older kids soon reach the forest, and on
Down below!
There they go!
(chorus)
The sun’s shining brightly, the sky is so blue
A beautiful day, not a cloud is in view
The flowers are blooming, the birds are in song
And nothing at all could go wrong…
And it’s all so idyllic, it feels like a dream
But things aren’t exactly the way that they seem–
From down near the river, a teenager’s scream
Full of dread
Fills your head
While searching along on the leaf-covered ground
It wasn’t an egg, but a body they found
It was still, it was cold, and it made not a sound
He was dead
Cold and dead
(chorus)
The police quickly came, and they saw on inspection
This Easter would not bring a new resurrection–
They roped off the park, for the families’ protection
“Don’t go
Down below”
The excitement the day held, it quickly had flagged
As the victim’s remains were collected and bagged
And were brought to the morgue, with his toe duly tagged
With “John Doe”
They don’t know
(chorus)
Easter is better with blue skies and sun
With chocolates and eggs, and a whole lot of fun,
Not the death of a man, who was somebody’s son
Who will cry
Asking “why?”
Easter’s important, but this is the thing–
Not for death on a cross, but the coming of Spring
So the flowers can bloom, and the birds can all sing
In the sky
As they fly
(chorus)
From KCCI in Des Moines, the story of an Easter-egg hunt with an unexpected find. Personally, I think Easter is a much better holiday when it has nothing to do with anyone’s death. (video at link, and some rather tasteless commentary on the story, unless the editors remove it.)
For some reason, I am reminded of this beautiful song:
The Pope pleaded “pity the pedophile priests;
Protect the poor padres, please pray”
They’ve sinned, but since Eden, we’re nothing but beasts
These men–why, they’re victims, I say
It’s Satan, or sickness, not something they choose
When they lust after children, God knows
They’re clearly as blameless as Holocaust Jews
(As the rhetoric reaches new lows)
With your staff and your ring, with your mitre and cape,
And with millions that heed your command
This is not just P.R.; this is forcible rape–
What’s the part that you don’t understand?
The fact that your coverup now comes to light
Has you pacing the Vatican floors–
And the grim realization must fill you with fright:
These sins are not Adam’s; they’re yours
For toxic Christian nuttery
It’s hard to beat the Hutaree;
I’d say it to their face, except I’d rather not get shot.
A branch of Christianity
With double the insanity—
In mental evolution, they’re the land that time forgot.
In events unfolding as I write, a christian militia group is … what? Fighting the government? Preparing for the antichrist? Shitting their pants when confronted with FBI agents with guns, instead of the trees they are accustomed to shooting at?
That’s the thing about ongoing events. We can’t see the future, and these next hours and days (and, if you believe the Hutaree forums, weeks and months) could get interesting… or remain mind-numbingly predictable and dull.
Even the other militia groups are distancing themselves from the Hutaree militia, so I am guessing there is some weapons-grade lunacy there. I am not going to link to their site (their google hits have gone through the roof, so you’ll have no problems finding them), but it’s a fun little place. In a DSM-V clinical study kind of way.
I’d recommend popcorn, but it is a bit early to see if this goes Waco (or worse) on us, and I don’t want to make light of that possibility. The forum already spoke of the possibility of a government building going down… of course, taken down by the FBI themselves as part of a false flag operation.
Jesus is their General, you know. This would never have happened had they been touched by the FSM’s noodly appendage.