Well, Dammit.

I had quite a different post ready to share with you today.

You see, I had very recently googled “cuttlefish” (yes, ego-surfing. Sue me.) and found that, miracle of miracles, I was listed ahead of Answers in Genesis. (For context, see this early post where I first noticed how high AiG is on the list of results for “cuttlefish”, and this later post checking up on the situation.) I was overjoyed; I never expected to overtake The Great Satan AiG, so I prepared a post in which I marveled at the exposure Freethought Blogs had given me, to be able to climb so high (actually, it’s not a matter of my blog being up there–it’s a matter of something, anything, pushing AiG out of the first page).

And I just double-checked. Cos, you know, it would be embarrassing to write the whole thing up and then be wrong.

Yeah, anyway, I wrote the whole thing up and I was wrong.

My most recent search (I re-did it twice) showed AiG comfortably ahead of me–I am on the first page, but just barely, and a creationist lying piece of shit… sorry, a site dedicated to bearing false witness… is ahead of me. And ahead of XKCD, for that matter.

It may be that the algorithms have locked in a lie. It may be that AiG has sufficient inertia on its side that it will continue to serve up disinformation until the heat death of the universe. But could you maybe do me a favor? First… could you do whatever internet search you do for “cuttlefish” and confirm or disconfirm my fears? And secondly… I know I have a lot of smart and savvy readers–is there anything that can be done?

Yes, I know this is a small and perhaps insignificant little battle. But damn, a creationist site on the first page of “cuttlefish”? I was so happy, thinking I had vanquished this dragon. But hey. Reality beats happy fantasy, and (well, dammit) AiG beats The Digital Cuttlefish.

*sigh*

If you’ve read this far, here’s the original verse (now over 5 years old!):

Similarity shows that a common designer
With similar blueprints and parts
Constructed the human and cuttlefish forms—
I swear by all three of your hearts.

The God who created the heavens and earth
And killed dinosaurs off in The Flood
Used the same old ideas again and again
You can tell by your copper-green blood.

But the clearest, most obvious clue to His Touch
Is the similar form to our eye
(They are really quite different, in various ways,
But if you won’t tell, neither will I).

Color-blind cuttlefish never see red
But they can see polarized light;
This common designer gets different effects
Out of human and cuttlefish sight.

Anatomically, too, these are two different eyes
They have retinas frontward-to-back,
And cuttlefish reshape the whole of their eye
Because shapeable lenses they lack.

The shape of the pupil allows them to see
To the front and the rear all at once
So similar, clearly, to what we can do—
If you dare disagree, you’re a dunce!

When Answers in Genesis says it’s design
And not just a matter of fitness
I know they’re not fibbing—right there, number nine—
Thou shalt not bear false witness.

I only have one little, lingering doubt
Though I really, I promise, am trying—
If it’s perfectly clear they see common design
It’s even more clear that they’re lying.

Comfort: Calling All Christians!

It’s a target-rich environment, with atheists galore!
So it’s onward Christian soldiers, we’ll be marching as to war!
There are lots of you on Facebook, but I’m asking now for more,
Cos my comment threads are being overrun.
I’ve got godless by the thousands—it’s an atheist attack,
Every time I post a message, there are hundreds talking back
While I’ve got a truthful message, it’s the numbers that I lack
So I’m asking if you’d like to have some fun.

They believe in evolution, and they don’t believe in God
So it’s best that you should pity them—their brains are rather odd—
They are driven by desire, once you see through their façade,
Seeking darkness, and withdrawing from the Light
You can read through past discussions for the games that they have played
How they cursed and raged and taunted, while we turned a cheek and prayed
(Though that wasn’t too effective—I’m a little bit dismayed,
And it’s time to call crusaders in to fight!)

They will mock the Holy Bible, citing scripture for their sakes
They will twist the gospel passages and call them our mistakes
They’ll dismiss the Fall of Mankind as a tale of talking snakes
And deny the death of Jesus on the cross
There’s a time for contemplation; there is also time to act!
We must fight the godless heathens, but with dignity and tact
As we show the truth—the bible is uncontroverted fact—
Yes, we’ll humbly show the atheists who’s boss!

In a press release this past Sunday (I only saw it this morning), Ray “Bananaman” Comfort is putting out the word:

LOS ANGELES, Feb. 24, 2013 /Christian Newswire/ — Hundreds, if not thousands of atheists have become “followers” on Ray Comfort’s Facebook page, and he says that he needs help to reach them. There has been an influx of 80,000 followers in the last two months, and according to Facebook statistics the page has a “weekly total reach” of over a million people.

Comfort said, “I have looked at a number of other Facebook pages, and have seen an average of 30-40 comments from followers, however, it is not uncommon to get over 1,000 comments on one post on my page (one had over 1900 comments). With six posts each day we can’t possibly answer all their questions, and so I’m asking Christians to come and help–because this is a very real battle for a generation.”

Mind you, Comfort warns that good Christians might be tempted to take offense, at first blush:

You will need a lot of patience because many show up as though they are God’s intellectual gift to the world. They are extremely arrogant, very condescending, they say things that aren’t true, and they use worn out arguments.

He said, without a trace of irony.

But, of course, a more thorough understanding of these atheists will help you to pity them, rather than to take offense. You have to understand atheists, as Comfort does:

Christians need to keep in mind that atheists’ worldview allows them to lie and twist the Scriptures. They mock creation, say that God commands murder and the rape of women, and that the Bible is full of mistakes. However, the issue here isn’t about evolution, or even the existence of God. It’s about the pleasure of guilt-free sexual sin. Christianity threatens that freedom by saying that fornication and lust are morally wrong, and that God will hold them accountable. They love darkness and hate the light, and so they fight it with all their might and will hold back at nothing in their attempts to extinguish it. This is a wonderful opportunity to reach a Hell-bound world with the gospel of everlasting life. Please help us.

They do need help.

Snake-Handlers? In 2013?

For goodness sakes
I need my snakes
Or God won’t know I love Him!
I have to show
Or He won’t know
There’s no one else above Him!

I know my sect
Is more correct
(As well as more exciting);
Among my clues,
We fill the pews
When rattlesnakes are biting!

Though some have died
At least they tried
To do as God commands
It may seem sick–
One serpent’s prick…
Their fate is in His hands

Middlesboro, KY–A pastor wants his snakes back. Middlesboro’s Full Gospel Tabernacle in Jesus Name has been in the news before, also for snake-handling. Today’s story is simply that a pastor had some $800 worth of venomous snakes confiscated in Tennessee, and wants them back… in the name of religious freedom and simple property ownership. The story from years ago was of death by snakebite. Actually, in searching for the case I knew was there, I found several others; it seems snake handlers have a tendency to get bitten and die.

The one that springs immediately to mind (I may have found that link, but it might be a different case), which my parents (who lived in the area at the time) told me about, was of a child custody battle between grandparents. Both parents were dead from snakebite, and the grandparents were fighting over the kids. One set of grandparents were snake-handlers, and argued that since the parents were snake-handlers as well, they were the obvious choice to raise the kids as the parents wanted. Honestly, I didn’t have the heart to look to see who won the battle. (They are not the only case of multiple generation snake-handling deaths in one family.)

Thinking of those kids, I am not even tempted to say “give the preacher his snakes back and let nature take its course”. I am glad this is only a fringe sect, but it is outrageous that such a deadly ritual is protected as religious free speech.

My Favorite Sins

Putting off problems to worry ‘bout later
Spending my days as an internet hater
Gorging on chicken with crispy fried skins
These are a few of my favorite sins

Fighting temptation with no hope of winning
Glad that just thoughts, and not actions, are sinning
Not what I do, but what’s buried within
These are a few of my favorite sins

When I succumb and by lust I am driven
Simply confess; it will all be forgiven
Tell how I romped with those Latvian twins
Those were a few of my favorite sins

When I’m prideful
When I envy
When I’m feeling mad
I simply remember my favorite sins
And then I don’t feel so bad.

CNN’s Belief Blog has a fairly frustrating article, Americans reveal their 3 favorite sins.

“Temptations and America’s Favorite Sins,” a survey conducted by the Barna Group, a Christian research firm, concludes that the moral struggles that vex most Americans aren’t the salacious acts that drive the plotlines of reality television shows. Most Americans are too worn down or distracted to get snared by those vices, the survey concludes.

The top three sins seducing most Americans: procrastination, overeating and spending too much time on media.

“You would think it would be sex, drugs and rock and roll,” said Todd Hunter, pastor and author of “Our Favorite Sins,” whose book was consulted in conjunction with the survey.

The survey focused on “temptations”, and asked what people were tempted by–from chocolate to internet porn. (BTW, they conclude that “Temptation has gone virtual”… on the basis of (wait for it) their (wait…) online survey.

Annoying already, they then get to the bit that really irritates.

Many Americans who admit to being tempted aren’t putting up a big fight. The study said that 59% of Americans admit that they don’t do anything to avoid temptation and half can’t explain why they give into temptation.

Many Americans still can’t explain what sin is, Hunter said. Worrying, for example, is not considered one of the seven deadly sins (pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth). Yet survey respondents listed it as one of their top temptations.

“There’s no agreement on what sin is,” Hunter said. “It’s one of the aspects of the world we live in. It’s becoming more relativistic. It’s hard to talk about sin when everyone disagrees about what it is.”

The listed sins are all desires, and never actions. No wonder everyone disagrees; what you actually *do* doesn’t seem to be a problem! It’s just the stuff you are thinking. Acting on my anger (or lust, or greed…) isn’t the sin; the anger itself is.

Since I have already sinned by feeling greed, I might as well act on it and rob someone. Especially since I can ask for (and receive) forgiveness afterward.

It’s exactly backward. I shouldn’t care about your motives, just your actions. Your motives don’t hurt someone; your actions do.

When The Fetus Took The Stand To Testify…

… Because Bill O’Reilly has a short memory, he must have forgotten that Congress already tried to take testimony from a fetus.

Republican Congressmen sat in committee
And called, as their witness, young Tommy.
His presence was purely an act to draw pity;
The lad was still stuck in his mommy.

Their witness, unable to swear or affirm,
And unable to raise his right hand,
Looking less like a baby and more like a worm,
Reluctantly took to the stand.

“I’m glad you had time in your schedule to meet us”
The first representative smiled,
“Your perspective is needed; because you’re a fetus
We value you more than a child.”

The congressmen heard him, so loud and so clear,
Though Tommy, of course, had no voice;
(That’s the reason young Tommy was called to be here–
His mother, of course, had no choice.)

Tommy’s Mommy was there as a baby container–
What’s important is, Tommy was there–
If she’d spoken up, they’d have had to restrain ‘er
Cos Mom’s voice? We really don’t care.

Cuttlecap tip, of course, to PZ.

More on Ohio’s fetal testimony. and more. and more.

The Problem With The VAWA

A woman lies battered and bleeding and bruised,
As so often, reports CNN
And as always, a clamor—a group much abused—
Won’t somebody think of the men?

In a CNN opinion piece, Senator Patty Murray writes of yet another example of the failure of the Republican leadership to do the right thing:

This week, just over 250 days since the U.S. Senate passed a bipartisan and inclusive bill to extend the landmark Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), the Republican leadership in the House of Representatives allowed the clock to run out on protections that bill would have provided to millions of women across our country.

The act had been renewed many times since it was first introduced in 1994; there were a few changes this time:

Specifically, the bill included increased protections for women on college campuses across the nation following the brutal 2010 murder of Yeardley Love at the University of Virginia. It included new law enforcement measures to safeguard women on tribal reservations, one in three of whom will be raped in their lifetimes. It included nondiscrimination language for those in the LGBT community who had been unfairly left out of previous bills. And it provided protections to immigrant women, regardless of their status, who are often scared into silence at the hands of their abusers.

Yeah… no. That’s unacceptable to the right wing of the Republican party, and those extremists are in control.

But that’s not what my verse is about. No, as usual, I took an ill-advised peek into the comments at the article, and found… exactly what I expected to find. The real victims in all this?

Men.

Any sort of legislation aimed at protecting women from rape is clearly anti-equality and anti-american. Any concern over some victims of sexual assault (read: women) ignores the bigger picture, that equal treatment under the law means that privileged groups might have to settle for being treated equally, and that’s just not fair.

Never mind that the Violence Against Women Act’s nonexclusivity clause directly states that protections apply to male victims as well. Never mind that “what about the men?” does not apply to this story at all. The Republican extremists apparently don’t like LGBT, native Americans, or women in college–that is the hold-up. But CNN commenters aren’t always that nuanced.

One comment even suggested that the act is completely unnecessary, that other laws already cover everything that is needed to combat sexual assault. This commenter, of course, was referring to concealed carry laws. The solution to every problem.

Here’s hoping the new House of Representatives does a better job.

Billy Joel Takes On Ray Comfort

Ed tells us of Ray Comfort’s new series, in which he takes on prominent atheists. My title is a nod to Ed’s “Ray Comfort takes on Billy Joel”. The following was written a few years ago at the old place (click through for context), but it seems appropriate now.

It’s an afternoon post on Pharyngula,
The regular crowd shuffles in
There’s a pretty good chance that some troll will come dance
And remind us we’re living in sin

He’ll say “Darwin is worshipped by Atheists”
He’s not really sure what that means
But he knows that you’ll find that the world was designed,
That designers made all of our genes

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da
Tell us a lie, you’re Bananaman,
Tell us a lie, or two
Cos we’re all in the mood for a belly-laugh
And you’ve got us laughing at you!

PZ is the host and proprietor,
So you know that there’s pretty good odds
You’ll see shocking opinions, both his and his minions’
And probably cephalopods

He says look at that beautiful octopus
And this shot of a sensuous squid
Though he won’t claim a fetish for things that are wettish
You wouldn’t be shocked if he did

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da
Tell us a lie, you’re Bananaman,
Tell us a lie, or two
Cos we’re all in the mood for a belly-laugh
And you’ve got us laughing at you!

Now Ray is a young-earth creationist
Who never had time for a life
And he wonders if maybe, he might have a baby,
If he could evolve him a wife.

And the Minions are arguing politics
As the Mollies are howling for beer
It’s a strange sort of virtual community
But it doesn’t get better than here

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da
Tell us a lie, you’re Bananaman,
Tell us a lie, or two
Cos we’re all in the mood for a belly-laugh
And you’ve got us laughing at you!

It’s a pretty good post for Pharyngula
It’s got science, and politics too
Cos there isn’t much quite like an internet fight
If you’ve got nothing better to do.

And the internet reeks of stupidity
And the blogosphere’s chock-full of dumb,
And I stare at my screen, and ask “what do they mean?”,
And then drink till my feelings are numb.

La la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da
Tell us a lie, you’re Bananaman,
Tell us a lie, or two
Cos we’re all in the mood for a belly-laugh
And you’ve got us laughing at you!

A One-Way Wall?

A door that doesn’t open?
Why, that’s not a door at all.
A door that doesn’t open
Is a wall.

If you want to pass right through it
Well, that’s not what walls are for.
If you want to pass right through it
Use a door.

It’s a wall of separation
That the founding fathers planned.
It’s a wall of separation
Understand?

If we have to stay on our side
And we cannot bother you—
If we have to stay on our side
So must you.

When the law applies to both of us
And neither side can gain…
When the law applies to both of us…
You complain.

Over at The Blaze (don’t judge me!), a story of a Pennsylvania community’s response to the FFRA’s complaint about a City Hall nativity scene.

They are going to put the nativity scene on a truck, and park it outside City Hall. (Which, so long as the truck has to obey the traffic (and other) laws, and is not given special parking privileges, is fine by me. If it’s a city-owned truck, we might have to talk.)

But that’s not the fun part. The fun part, as always, is the comment thread. It is astonishing how poorly The Blaze’s real American Patriot types grasp the law. Anti-atheist, of course, but also antisemitic, anti-wiccan, and pro-majority. It’s the sound of privilege and ignorance, best buddies.

The first amendment, you know, was intended to protect churches from government intrusion. (agreed!) Not to prevent the majority religion from expressing itself in the public square, with the backing of the government. (um… no.) Fortunately, The Blaze’s commenters know better than decades of supreme court decisions (well, they must, because they disagree with these decisions, and they must be right). So, go learn from these sages.

Or better yet, don’t.

On Origins

The atheists, in arrogance, say man evolved from slime
From nothingness to everything, and all you need is time
With no one there to witness it, they simply cannot know
The truth is, they are idiots… the bible tells me so.

I may not know my science, but I know my holy book
It’s got all the truthful answers there; you simply have to look
Its authors took dictation from Almighty God Himself
That’s a sample of omniscience you’ve got sitting on your shelf.

The bible is, we all agree, God’s perfect, holy word
The scholars say it’s error-free; it’s what the ancients heard
With no one there to witness it, they simply cannot know
But you can trust the bible’s word… the bible tells me so.

[Read more…]

Atheists Are Going To Hell

(to the tune of “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”)

You’d better watch Fox
You’d better watch now
You’d better watch Bill
He’s telling us how
Atheists are going to Hell.

He’s throwing a fit
He’s taping a show
He’s telling us all
He wants us to know
Atheists are going to Hell

He hopes we all are watching
There’s stuff he wants to say
He doesn’t have the slightest clue
But he’s talking anyway

So

It’s time to watch out
It’s time to beware
It’s time to know Bill
Has bullshit to air
“Atheists are going to Hell”

Oh… Bill. The gift that keeps on… talking.

The War on Christmas must be a real money-maker for Bill.