A Modest Proposal For Virginia

As the midnight hour was coming,
As the seconds ticked and tocked,
Same-sex couples in Virginia
Found their new foundations rocked
When the SCOTUS, in their wisdom,
Had their right to marry blocked
Till the justices can weigh in on the fight.

While they’re pondering the problem,
I suggest here’s what they do
To reframe the situation
With a new and different view:
Simply block the right to marry
For the heterosexuals, too,
Then we’ll see if it’s a fundamental right.

A bump in the road for marriage in Virginia:

Some Virginians planned to attend weddings today, but the U.S. Supreme Court stepped in – issuing a stay of the lower court order that would have allowed gay and lesbian couples to marry.

It really doesn’t give a clue as to what any eventual ruling by the court might be, though–it’s just to prevent an even more tangled legal clusterfuck (I think that’s the technical term) than already exists:

Governor Terry McAuliffe called the court’s decision a temporary delay to the inevitable conclusion that Virginians who love each other should have the opportunity to marry regardless of their sexual orientation, and Attorney General Mark Herring said he had asked the justices for a speedy decision. Herring requested the stay, because he feared problems if couples were allowed to marry and the Supreme Court later ruled against them.

“For example, if a same sex couple were to marry and then adopt a child and the Supreme Court were to later rule against marriage equality, then it could call into the question the validity of the adoption. Another example would be for death benefits and questions about inheritances, and so to avoid that kind of confusion that might occur, I reluctantly agreed that a stay was appropriate.”

They are missing the real solution, though–this delay (justice delayed is justice denied) continues unequal treatment, and we know that, in addition to the examples Herring gives above, we have the problem that if marriage is opened up to same-sex couples in Virginia, millions of traditional marriages will be gayed up, and all icky and stuff. So traditional couples who married under the expectation that their marriages would remain a bastion of heterosexuality would have their own marriages called into question.

The only fair thing to do is to block all marriages in Virginia until this whole thing is sorted out. Shouldn’t be a major problem–it wasn’t a major imposition when applied to same sex couples, after all.


  1. Johnny Vector says

    A marriage should be like a rumble:
    Men are Sharks, and the women are Jets
    (One is Mars, one is Venus, or something).
    But the modern world often forgets.

    For example, my marriage was like that,
    Snapping fingers and fighting all day.
    But since marriage equality happened,
    Now it’s pretty and witty and gay.

  2. Suido says

    Hmmph. I remember discussing same sex marriage with a christian once upon a time, and they were of the “no divorce” variety. So they defended their objection to gay marriage on the grounds that they objected to a lot of straight marriages as well.

    Alas, if only church groups were more vocal about all the different types of marriage they object to, reasonable people would learn to ignore them more.

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