Oh, Wait.

My God is pretty self-assured, and quite convinced He’s right.
He made me in His image, so He’s green-eyed, blond, and white;
And He’s very, very wrathful with the folks who disagree;
He’ll hold a grudge for centuries—Oh, wait—that might be me.

He’s insecure enough to want to hear how much you love Him
And He never will forgive you if there’s someone else above Him;
He’ll jealously react to any threat to His domain
By smiting all His enemies—Oh, wait—that’s me again.

He’ll make the world a better place for those who think like Him
For those in opposition, well, the situation’s grim;
He’ll call jihad, or else crusade—some form of Holy War
Because He knows He’s always right—Oh, wait—that’s me once more.

He’s handsome, bearded, steely-eyed, deep-voiced and somewhat haughty
So wonderful, his naughty bits are never seen as naughty
But perfectly proportioned, grand and firm and never shrinking,
A miracle of awesomeness—Oh, wait—that’s wishful thinking.


From the old digs, a million years ago. Originally a response to a British poll that found (surprise!) that people anthropomorphize god, and see Him as a “him”, complete with male gender. But of course god looks and acts like us–sometimes it seems god’s only function is to externally justify our internal evils.


  1. Freerefill says

    Pretty much the best reason for the idea that man created god, and not the other way around… is that god looks like man. Two eyes, nose, mouth, five fingers, long flowing white beard, ripped abs, tight ass.

    In almost every culture and religion, every god, deity, and even most monsters are very close to humanoid. Bottom line is, we’re very egotistical animals. Which makes sense: being egotistical, preferring our form to others, is exactly what we would expect from evolution.

    Of course, if you don’t believe in evolution, it’s going to be a lot easier to believe that god created us…

  2. says

    I’ve often wondered why Jesus is always depicted with blonde hair and blue eyes… Wasn’t he a Palestinian? I guess the good Christians don’t want him to look too, you know, Jewish.

  3. melior says

    A meditation on Rick Parry, from the book of d’Holbach:

    “A hateful pride alone could induce a few persons to believe that they were, to the exclusion of all others, the cherished children of Providence. Blinded by their vanity, they do not perceive that it is to give the lie to the universal and infinite goodness to suppose that god was capable of favoring with his preference some men or nations, to the exclusion of others.”
    – Baron d’Holbach, Letters to Eugenia, 1857.

    (available for free on gutenberg.org!)

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