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The mark of the beast

End-timers, those who yearn for the end of the world when Jesus will return and destroy all the evildoers and save the virtuous (and such people are convinced that they will be among the saved), are continuously on the lookout for signs of the impending apocalypse. One of those signs is the arrival of the anti-Christ and it is said that he will have the ‘mark of the beast’ that according to chapter 13 of that wacky Book of Revelation will have the numerical value of 666.

Needless to say, these religious people have a great fear of that number and a news report describes one person Walter Slonopas, who became a born-again Christian 10 years ago who, much to his chagrin, seems to be getting assigned that number. First the human resources office of the company he worked for mistakenly assigned him the number 666 when it should have been 668. He complained and got a new number. But when the company changed its time-clock systems, he got assigned the number 666 again. Then two weeks ago, he got his W-2 tax form and it too had the number 666 on it. The third time was the last straw for Slonopas and he quit his job.

People have been trying to figure out who the anti-Christ is and over time various candidates have been proposed such as Adolf Hitler, Ronald Reagan, Barack Obama, and Barney the Dinosaur. Even corporations like IBM and Proctor and Gamble have been named because after all corporations are people, my friends.

But to me the evidence seems pretty clear that Walter Slonopas is the anti-Christ because as the Bellman said in Lewis Carroll’s The Hunting of the Snark, “What I tell you three times is true”, though Barney would have been my preferred choice.

Comments

  1. Alverant says

    The company offered Slonopas his job back. My theory is that if they didn’t Slonopas would play the “persecution” card.

  2. Jared A says

    To quote a drifting surfer, if you’re the christ then I’ll be the motherfucking antichrist. ye-ah!

  3. busterggi says

    Since the earliest versions claim the number to be 616 rather than 666 maybe the endtimers should re-synchronize their watches.

  4. F [nucular nyandrothol] says

    This is what comes from mistaking words for numbers suddenly in the middle of a book.

  5. TheVirginian says

    Blasphemer! Everyone knows that the True Mark of the Beast (TM) is 616! Satan put 666 into some early copies of Revelation just to fool people into believing they have recognized him when in fact they are merely seeing a false AntiChrist. The true AntiChrist will be known by the number 616. I notice your name has two words of 4 and 7 letters. Is that your true name? I’ll bet it’s a synonym. Maybe you’re really Ronald W Reagan. If you are, then he’s come back from the dead, just as the Book of Revelation foretold. In that case, you’re the True Beast (TM) and …
    Unless that other guy’s name is really Barack H Obaman, in which case HE is the True Beast (TM). And 6 plus 1 plus 6 is 13, and Saddam Hussein had 13 letters in his name, so maybe he’s really Barack H Obaman. But that would mean YOU can’t be Ronald W Reagan writing under a pseudonym. Unless you’re also Barack H Obaman using Internet anonymity!!!
    This is getting a little complicated. I’ll have to get back to you. Just remember, the True Mark of the Beast (TM) as foretold in the True Copies of Revelation (TM) clearly state that the Mark is 616, so 666 is a trick by Reagan, I mean Satan.

  6. Doug Little says

    I thought the jury was still out on whether the number is 616 or
    Like everything else in the bible it’s all subject to interpretation.

    Iron Maiden says it’s 666 so I think that needs to be considered, also 666 was their flight number when they were touring in their own plane (Ed Force One, a refitted B757-200) that their lead singer (Bruce Dickinson) was flying.

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