Why I am an atheist – Crys


I am an atheist because I read.

I was raised in Rome Italy by a vaguely Catholic mother in a pretty Catholic country. However, since I was not forced to go to church outside of Christmas and Easter, I didn’t take my first communion until I was 11 (and even then I studied my catechism with an extremely liberal nun) and my upbringing was never based on the rules and guilt-trips that are typical of the Catholic faith I did not immediately question the existence of God or the church itself. I just was not exposed to anything that was so explicitly divorced from reality from the perspective of a child. The first thing that I realized was that prayer was just not working out for me. This lead me to thinking, am I doing it right? What does being a Catholic even mean? What am I attesting to when I label myself at one? At the age of 12 I picked up the Bible and actually started to read it.

I am an atheist because I’ve experimented.

By age 13 I was studying ancient Roman history as is to be expected given the city in which I grew up. It struck me that the content of the Bible was no less fantastical than the wonderful stories I was learning about the gods that the Romans believed in. I came to the conclusion that all religions must be equally true. As my upbringing very much encouraged the belief in the superstitious and magic, as my mother is still a strong believer in everything from faith healings to fairies, I had now become a polytheist, I laid flower offerings at Minerva’s temple in the Roman forum, I practiced Wicca and dabbled in pretty much any forgotten religion I could get my hands on.

I am an atheist because I reasoned.

Although I remained a pagan until the age of 17 when I first went to college, it had become more of a ritual than a true belief. I enjoyed keeping holidays like All Hallow’s Eve, I used my prayers as a source of comfort being in a strange new country where I had to adjust. I didn’t submit my faith to the sort of scrutiny I eventually knew it deserved. It was simply something to fall back on, something to keep me company, but never something I openly shared or overly contemplated. I began to transition out of feelings of faith as I made new friends, as I realized that if I was ashamed to share with others my beliefs, it must mean that they are completely ridiculous. I had now become an agnostic.

I am an atheist because I was honest with myself.

I did not identify myself as an atheist until I was 20. By then I was in my third year in college and had fully understood the scientific method. I had shied away from the term “atheist” because I was under the misguided notion that being an atheist meant being absolutely certain that there was no God. To me, this seemed as obtuse and arrogant as being absolutely 100% certain that there is a God. However once I began to fully appreciate the scientific method I realized that this was not the case. There is nothing in this life that we can really be absolutely 100% certain about, but I began to see my lack of belief like a null hypothesis.

I am an atheist because there has been no reason for me to believe in any God. I have not been presented with nor come across a single miraculous or inexplicable event that contradicts my assumption that no God exists. However, this does not mean that such an event could never happen. The day I experience something that would give credence to a God I am perfectly happy to refute my null hypothesis, but until that day comes, it holds strong.

Crys
Italy

Comments

  1. otrame says

    I began to see my lack of belief like a null hypothesis.

    Yes. What a simple, yet completely accurate way to express that.

    I have been very impressed with the quality of the writing in these essays. This one really stands out. Very well done.

  2. frog says

    I hate to be a “me too” on the comment thread, but I agree with the above posters that the final two paragraphs of this essay are brilliant.

    I’ve had/read too many discussions with agnostics who are afraid to use the “ath-” word, despite their stated position being almost exactly the same as Crys’s (and mine): in the absence of any evidence, they provisionally assume there is no god.

    I have to learn to follow that up with “Well, how likely do you feel that solid evidence will eventually be found?” New Atheists are at the “never” end of the spectrum. Soft agnostics seem to be in a “I hope someday, but I don’t expect it” zone. They’re all atheists–it’s just a question of being comfortable with the null hypothesis.

  3. grumpyoldfart says

    …I was under the misguided notion that being an atheist meant being absolutely certain that there was no God. To me, this seemed as obtuse and arrogant as being absolutely 100% certain that there is a God…There is nothing in this life that we can really be absolutely 100% certain about

    I’m 100% certain my great grandmother died in 1922. I’m 100% certain the Tooth Fairy does not exist. I’m 100% certain that the earth is not the centre of our solar system. I’m 100% certain there is no god. I’m nearly 100% certain I’ll still be alive tomorrow.

  4. says

    @jentokulano Grazie!

    Wow was not expecting to see my submission posted today! What a great little lunch-break surprise :)

  5. christopherdenney says

    That is a fine example of inspirational writing. One more bit of proof that the religious don’t have the market cornered.