If you need to see a counselor
There’s someplace you can go
But it shows up on your record that you went
But a chaplain, if you see one,
No one else will ever know–
An alternative that’s clearly heaven-sent!
If you choose to go to chapel
You can get the morning off
If you don’t, you are free to stay and work
So the floors are mopped and polished
By the folks who chose to scoff–
Just another well-deserved religious perk!
Though the godless here among us
Number roughly one in five
(More than Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu troops combined)
We’ll claim none are found in foxholes
Where religion comes alive–
If their chaplains all are christian, they won’t mind!
Foolish congressmen are singing
Hymns with many sour notes
And it’s frankly disrespectful to the troops
Don’t expect their tune to change, though,
Cos it guarantees them votes…
And it keeps the godless jumping through their hoops
Not content to simply vote down an amendment providing specifically for atheist chaplains in the military, GOP congressweasel John Fleming is attempting to actively prohibit such chaplains, on the off chance the military decided that providing support for the 20% of troops who identify as atheists or agnostics was a good idea. If anyone thought “support our troops” was enough to overcome prejudice against atheists, today’s news will disabuse you of that illusion.
A positive view, with thoughtful legal analysis.
A relatively neutral, unsophisticated view, from the Christian News Network.
Permanent Latrine Orderly
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You can talk on gin and beer,
let some buddy lend an ear
with your problems ninety-nine (though god is not one).
But if you’re really grapplin’
You must see the friendly chaplain
unless you’re in the group what hasn’t got one.
It was None! None! None!
You heathen, where the blazes have you gone?
Hi! You’re the P-L-O*
(From that Andy Griffith film, you know)
And you’ll scrub the bloody floors till church is done.
Now in foreign sunny clime
where too many spend their time
a-serving of a stop-lossed tour or three
Now of all that sweaty crew
the strangest man I knew
Was our regimental atheist, McGee
It was None! None! None!
We’re off to church, we’ve left you chores for fun
For it’s clearly not immoral
and you shouldn’t have a quarrel
with toiling while we’re shaded from the sun.
The dogtag that he wore
as he went off to the war
said nothing to denominate a sect.
So it’s clear it’s not his lot
to spend Sunday in his cot
since he doesn’t treat our god with due respect.
It was None! None! None!
You heathen, here’s a spot you haven’t done!
We will leave you in the lurch
as we head out to the church
and we’ll pray that you have finished up by one.
If it strikes you almost madly
one in five so treated badly
just because they don’t recite the old refrain
go and tell it to the shrink
but the rest of us will think
you the lesser ’cause your file now has a stain.