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Feb 26 2013

Something happened

Someone pointed out a very surprising thing to me. Only a little more than a year ago, Reap Paden did a post about sexist men. He sounded like a human being – that is, a mensch, that is, someone who gives a shit.

It has an ability to become almost invisible. Be assured…it’s almost always present, usually hiding just out of sight. You can even catch it peeking out between sentences, or as a dim shadow behind an innocent hand gesture. It can even disguise itself as a considerate comment or action.
While raising my daughter it was something I warned her to watch out for as she grew up. I warned her to keep an eye out because sooner or later she was going to come face to face with it, and she would need to know what to do because it would confront her throughout her life.
What is it I am talking about? What could be so common yet unknown to so many? Why hasn’t it been stopped? It can’t be stopped, not completely. The best we can do is confront it and make it hide as much as possible.

The thing I’m talking about can be summed up with one sentence.
Men are assholes.

Assholes how? Assholes because sexist. Yes really.

Now let’s be clear, I’m not talking about the assholes who honk their horn if you take more than 2 seconds to move when the light turns green. I’m not talking about the assholes who think you are a pussy because you football jersey has the wrong colors or mascot on it, there is no hope for those people.
I’m talking about the assholes who think women are just on the planet as objects. The guys who think every woman was born so they could listen to men tell them what they wanted done for him, to him, or by him. They think women like it when a man screams across the street at her “Hey, nice ass!” or “Come over here, I got somethin’ for you baby”. These guys are convinced when she posts her picture on the internet it is for one reason…so guys can tell her whether or not they would have sex with her and how often.
I could give you a million examples of this type of behavior. I will limit myself to one more example that stands out from my experiences.

And he tells a story of a friend of the guy who was about to get married to his (Reap’s) sister, who insisted on having a stripper at the bachelor party.

He was talking about how Ted didn’t want a stripper but he was getting one anyways. “What kind of pussy doesn’t want a stripper at his bachelor party?” Dickface asked. I suggested maybe we respect Ted’s wishes. He obviously was a bit shy and I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Needless to say Dickface now had the opinion I was a pussy too. Since Dickface was wrong I didn’t remain a part of the planning committee because Dickface didn’t like it when pussies hit him in the face. (see first description of asshole above)
I was however still invited to the bachelor party because I was the bride’s brother and I guess there is an unwritten law somewhere addressing that too. I sat drinking beers at the party waiting for what I knew was coming. Sure enough Dickface had followed through with his plan. And I was correct, my future brother-in-law was not really pleased with the planning committee’s decision, in fact he was extremely displeased. I could see he knew there was no choice for him, he was in front of all his guy friends at an event that has been one of the staples of manhood since before we realized everyone masturbates.
The stripper wasn’t ugly, what was ugly was the turn the crowd took when she burst onto the scene. Maybe it was because I was sitting watching from a certain perspective, I don’t know, but the behavior of the men at this party was pathetic. I watched as guys I had talked to earlier in the night, normal mature guys, acted like third grade boys who had found a copy of playboy in their school lunchbox and the centerfold had come to life. I have nothing against naked women, in fact I have a great respect for the female form. It has an appeal and a strength that men can never hope to equal. maybe that’s why men tend to treat it the way they do, when something intimidates people they try to beat it down any way they can. They try to break it and keep it from realizing it’s own abilities.
I think the claims of men ‘objectifying’ women have been used too often in circumstances where it doesn’t really apply. This has caused the term to lose any credibility. This is unfortunate because men are assholes who treat women like objects.If a woman points it out she is an uptight bitch, all she does is complain and hate on men, she must be a lesbian.

That does not sound like the Reap Paden we know. Something has happened to him. I’m very sorry it happened to him, but I’m even more glad he hasn’t always been the way he is now.

85 comments

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  1. 1
    oolon

    Well it was in regard to concern for his daughters potential treatment at the hands of the assholes… Something I can empathise with as its one of the primary reasons I was so taken with sites like this when I set out to just read a bit more about the atheist-sceptic scene. Unfortunately from there it appears to go downhill … Theorising on the reasons that Reap just cannot take criticism without a shed load of projection and obsessive blogging is not something I can manage. I would hope the PZ video he is currently complaining about having been taken down is the low point and it heads up from here, as while I have absolutely no reason to like the fellow I hate to see anyone implode like he has.

    The highest voted comment on that video should have been a wake up call – and this was before it was “Pharyngulated” .. I’m recalling from memory as YouTube took it down …

    What kind of demented person takes the time to create a video like that?

  2. 2
    Bjarte Foshaug

    Something has happened to him. I’m very sorry it happened to him, but I’m even more glad he hasn’t always been the way he is now.

    Personally I am less encouraged by the fact that an asshole may once have been a half-way decent person than I am distressed by the fact a decent person could turn into such an asshole.

  3. 3
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Apparently back then his computer must have had a return key, too.
    Whatever got him got his return key, too…

  4. 4
    A Hermit

    Just browsed through Reap’s blog…you have to go all the way back to last July to find a post that isn’t about FtB.

    The man has an unhealthy obsession…

  5. 5
    Ibis3, Let's burn some bridges

    Hmm. Except throughout, he’s doing the very thing he’s in the process of condemning: Oh, how bad it is to objectify women when I can reduce “women” to “the female form” and wax poetical about how appealing and intimidating it is, and let me denigrate them some more by reinforcing the “unwritten law” that if you’re doing it wrong you’re a pussy. And if it doesn’t involve a naked stripper or some asshole treating my daughter in a way I disapprove of, the criticism of objectification doesn’t apply so STFU (and don’t complain or criticize me cause at least I didn’t call you an uppity bitch man-hating lesbian like every other asshole would).

    Doesn’t sound like much has changed at all.

  6. 6
    Anthony K

    They think women like it when a man screams across the street at her “Hey, nice ass!” or “Come over here, I got somethin’ for you baby”. These guys are convinced when she posts her picture on the internet it is for one reason…so guys can tell her whether or not they would have sex with her and how often.

    Which of his mildewy friends is it who keeps insisting that feminists are too ugly to fuck?

  7. 7
    hyperdeath

    The past isn’t just another country, but a Bizzaro World, filled with people who barely resemble their planet Earth namesakes. Even some of Franc Hoggle’s early writings are perfectly sensible.

  8. 8
    reappaden

    That’s the problem here. You people don’t know me. I stand behind every word I have posted whether it be last year or yesterday. There are problems in the world, real problems. Those problems are not just about men treating women like shit they are also about men being blamed/accused of things they have never done by women. Ophelia, when this first started (our disagreement) I made light of it because I thought you were probably a reasonable person. I have done the same with Lousy Canuck and with Stephanie Zvan. I never said they were bad people right out of the gate. I assumed they were just being unfair because sometimes emotions run high and no one likes to see their friends attacked. That’s where I started from. I did not start out calling Stephanie a bitch that was after she blew me off as not important enough to listen to. Suddenly I was important enough though, wasn’t I ? Funny how that works. When I was being respectful in my disagreement I was dismissed. When I suggested to the Lousy Canuck we could drink a beer someday when we got past all this he replied with “A beer with you would cost too much” or something to that effect. Real class act he is, must be a hoot at parties. Stephanie Zvan has carried on and refused to have a conversation with me because I’m not bright enough. Really? Now you also know a little more about me, would you maybe consider your initial condemnation a little off-base? It would be nice if you would read the blog post and consider maybe I am not against all the things you think are important i just have a different way of dealing with them. I have an interest in women being treated with respect because it is in everyone’s best interest and my daughter walks around on this planet too. I can tell you this my daughter does not take any crap from anyone. She gives people the benefit of the doubt and is a smart, outgoing, well-liked, adult woman. My method has been tested and it works. Nothing about me has changed you’ve just seen how I react to people who accuse me of being the exact opposite of who I really am. In the future I would ask that if you are going to use my writing then you give me credit for it and not suggest my position has changed when it has not . Doing so is a bit unfair. Thank you in advance.
    Sideline to (f)Oolon:Your contribution is useless, you have proven to be nothing but a part of the problem. I would suggest people give your opinion the consideration it deserves, none.

  9. 9
    sunny

    I suppose if one is rich enough and an a**hole, one gets to be prime minister (repeatedly):

    http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/02/19/us-italy-berlusconi-idUSBRE91I0XA20130219

  10. 10
    SallyStrange

    Read Paden is concerned about how his daughters might be treated?

    More evidence that the “think of your mothers/daughers/wives/sisters” battle cry is ineffective.

  11. 11
    Wowbagger, Designated Snarker

    Could it be that at the time he wrote that, people were giving him cookies? Once the cookies stopped, he looked around and realised that people who were saying nasty things about women were getting cookies from a very determined bunch who had cookies to spare.

    Slimy cookies, yes – but, to some people, the slime just rinses off.

  12. 12
    Illuminata, Genie in the Beer Bottle

    co-signed, Ibis3. he’s just lost the veneer of “civility” he used to keep up.

  13. 13
    leftwingfox

    I don’t know what causes tat impulse but I’ve seen it way too often.

    “You dug a hole.”

    “I’m no hole-digger!”

    “Maybe not, but you still dug a hole. You should apologize.”

    “Apologize!? I’m not going to apologize. I’m not a hole-digger, so what I did couldn’t be a hole. This is a MINE!”

    “So, you’re not a hole digger, but you’re now digging in deeper?”

    “Shut up flatlander! Im a MINER, not a hole-digger. You’re oppressing me! Now shut up while I dig this mineshaft DEEP, and tell you awful people what a non-hole-digger I am.”

    And the crowd watches on in awe as they bust out the excavator.

  14. 14
    Aratina Cage

    I have absolutely no reason to like the fellow [but] I hate to see anyone implode like he has.

    You can say that again, Oolon! I still can’t believe how abusive he was to you–to your face–on his show.

  15. 15
    Nicole Introvert

    “That does not sound like the Reap Paden we know. Something has happened to him. ”

    Maybe the same thing that happened to his pal Al Stefanelli. I used to listen to both of them podcast together and stopped right about the time the organization Secular Woman came around. I remember one of the last podcasts of theirs I listened to was Reap’s interview with the founders of Secular Woman. Then, after that both of them seemed to teeter off into some unknown vat of awfulness.

  16. 16
    Bernard Bumner

    Except throughout, he’s doing the very thing he’s in the process of condemning…

    At least he appeared to be trying to rise above that most obvious sexual objectification. His glorifying objectification of women is simply the very mundane sexism exhibited by probably a very large majority of people. Certainly, most would-be good guys tend to do it to some extent. It is very distant and distinct by comparison to his current behaviour. Who would characterise Reap Paden’s behaviour as unusually problematic if that was the extent to which he expressed sexist views? I think that most people would still see him as someone who could potentially be reached. That is not the case any longer.

    Obsession is a sickness, and a very sad spectacle even when it is directed to cause hurt to people you care about.

  17. 17
    Wowbagger, Designated Snarker

    Nicole Introvert wrote:

    Maybe the same thing that happened to his pal Al Stefanelli. I used to listen to both of them podcast together and stopped right about the time the organization Secular Woman came around. I remember one of the last podcasts of theirs I listened to was Reap’s interview with the founders of Secular Woman. Then, after that both of them seemed to teeter off into some unknown vat of awfulness.

    Could it be that both have seen that changes are coming and that those changes would mean a drop in popularity/importance for them? And that because more women are becoming prominent, that’s why they’re now directing their anger in that direction.

    It certainly appears to be the case with Rebecca Watson; for some reason there are a few ‘skeptic’ men out there who are very bitter that a woman who doesn’t have the philsophy PhD they do is far more likely to be invited to speak at an atheist/skeptic conference, to appear on podcasts/vidcasts, to comment on current issues than they are – hence why she’s so much of a target for them.

    They can hide what’s driven by envy and entitlement behind a wall of bullshit justification.

  18. 18
    Ophelia Benson

    Bjarte @ 2 – good point. True. But because I’m reading backward – reading in the light of current knowledge – somehow it is slightly cheering to find out that he once had some semblance of empathy. That’s odd, you’re right. It should be depressing that he became a worse person over time.

  19. 19
    Ophelia Benson

    Reap @ 8 – no. No, I don’t now consider my initial condemnation offbase. My initial condemnation was of you calling Stephanie a fucking bitch over and over again on your podcast. No, I don’t have a different view of that now.

    All: Sorry I was away for a few hours and several comments got held up.

  20. 20
    Aratina Cage

    Sideline to (f)Oolon:Your contribution is useless, you have proven to be nothing but a part of the problem. I would suggest people give your opinion the consideration it deserves, none.

    Argh! That is what I am talking about. Why is Oolon your personal punching bag, Reap? Stop being so damn abusive!

  21. 21
    doubtthat

    @8

    Concerned about your daughter…how would you react if someone treated your daughter the way you treated Stephanie?

    Is there anything your daughter could do that would justify that response?

  22. 22
    Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar

    Cookies?

    More like Reap and Al have always been casually sexist the way most people are, and they thought not being an outright raging straw-sexist was enough to earn cookies. They didn’t get any cookies, so their background sexism became dominant? Because it seems to me that there’s a lot of people who thought being only minimally sexist was not just good enough but also worthy of praise.

    It also goes along with the whole “you can’t describe me as “misogynistic” because the dictionary says I have to make a formal declaration of hatred towards all women… do you have video evidence of said formal declaration? No? Then fuck you c*nt!” Only the worst thing ever is sexism/misogyny, so nothing they did/do is bad, therefore what they did/do is actually kind of awesome?

  23. 23
    doubtthat

    I also enjoy that you basically admitted that the whole thing is an act for attention. It does really come off that way, so, mission accomplished, I suppose.

  24. 24
    screechymonkey

    reap@8:

    There are problems in the world, real problems.

    A. Hermit @4:

    Just browsed through Reap’s blog…you have to go all the way back to last July to find a post that isn’t about FtB.

  25. 25
    Aratina Cage

    Is there anything your daughter could do that would justify that response?

    Seriously. Why hasn’t he considered the situation of another man who runs a podcast calling his daughter a “bitch” over and over and over just because she brushed the stranger off? Oh, wait. Of course! His daughter could take it. And he wouldn’t raise a finger to help her or comfort her because she is strong enough to handle it on her own as all women should be. Being hurt by being called a “bitch” is a weakness that his daughter doesn’t have.

  26. 26
    Anthony K

    @screechymonkey, 24:

    He stands by everything he’s written. The problem is that he doesn’t understand everything he’s written.

    I do have a question for Reap:

    Do you know me? If so, how? If not, why do you say the things you do about me?

  27. 27
    sheldonhelms

    I find it disconcerting that someone would hold up as a standard any post in which men are referred to as “assholes,” and are described as oversexed animals. Surely that isn’t what Ms. Benson believes is the norm, so why would she use such a post to reminisce about how great Reap “used to be”? This is what many people seem to be rebelling against in the Feminist Movement today, and I think we need to be careful how we express our support of such themes. If someone had written a post about women that was so one-sided, biased, and derogatory, I’m sure Ms. Benson would have torn that to pieces, too. So, why doesn’t the same thinking apply here?

    Unlike most of the people reading this and posting comments, I actually know Reap personally. He is an interesting, intelligent, and passionate guy. I’m sure he disagrees with some of my beliefs, and I likely don’t agree with everything he says or does, either. But, I know that he loves and cares for his daughter, and would fight to defend her safety and honor at any cost. No one has the right to deny that unless she/he has actual evidence, and if so, you will really need to do your homework to convince me because I have plenty of experiences to the contrary.

    That said, I think we need to stop with all the bitching, sniping, and hyperbole, and get back to the business of actually doing something for women.

  28. 28
    mythbri

    @ReapPaden

    I don’t have to know you personally to judge you by what you’ve written and your inability to make paragraphs.

    Please understand this:

    If it is okay to call Stephanie Zvan a bitch for refusing to listen to you, why wouldn’t it also be okay for some asshole to call your daughter a bitch if she refuses to listen to him?

    You seem to be good at projecting and cognitive dissonance, and not much else.

  29. 29
    Stephanie Zvan

    Eh, as far as I know, I never even refused to listen to him. He says it happened. He won’t say when or where or about what. I guess he thinks he’s keeping me in suspense.

    Of course, I’d forgotten about that until he brought it up again.

  30. 30
    Josh, Official SpokesGay

    I think we need to stop with all the bitching

    Fuck off.

  31. 31
    Wowbagger, Designated Snarker

    sheldonhelms wrote:

    Unlike most of the people reading this and posting comments, I actually know Reap personally.

    His actions speak louder than your words.

  32. 32
    A Hermit

    I did not start out calling Stephanie a bitch that was after she blew me off as not important enough to listen to.

    So, if a woman doesn’t pay you the attention you feel you are entitled to that’s what makes her a bitch? (Or more accurately a “fucking bitch” as you repeatedly screamed at her…)

    What does that tell us about Reap Paden?

  33. 33
    mythbri

    @sheldonhelms

    I don’t care much for this post of Paden’s actually. And if you have a problem with men being unfairly characterized as assholes perhaps you should take it up with him.

  34. 34
    Anthony K

    Unlike most of the people reading this and posting comments, I actually know Reap personally. He is an interesting, intelligent, and passionate guy. I’m sure he disagrees with some of my beliefs, and I likely don’t agree with everything he says or does, either. But, I know that he loves and cares for his daughter, and would fight to defend her safety and honor at any cost. No one has the right to deny that unless she/he has actual evidence, and if so, you will really need to do your homework to convince me because I have plenty of experiences to the contrary.

    Oh, that’s that then.

    Now that we’re all settled, let’s go teach those religious fools the value of actual evidence over personal and deeply felt testimonial truth claims.

  35. 35
    Anthony K

    No one has the right to deny that

    Well, there’s one bone of contention between you and Reap, I guess.

  36. 36
    athyco

    But, I know that he loves and cares for his daughter, and would fight to defend her safety and honor at any cost. No one has the right to deny that unless she/he has actual evidence, and if so, you will really need to do your homework to convince me because I have plenty of experiences to the contrary.

    There’s not a single quote from the OP or comments before yours, Sheldon, that says anything about Reap not loving, caring, or fighting for his daughter. How is what I know/don’t know about what he does/doesn’t do in his home life of any consequence if I never mention what he does in his home life?

    List the productivity of ReapSowRadio and Reapercussions since July 2012 that are in the “business of actually doing something for women.” Did you not see that his blog posts since that date have all been about FTB? Knowing him as you do, are you not aware that the aggregator Planet Atheism dropped “Reap’s Truth” because of his “feud”?

  37. 37
    Jadehawk

    When I suggested to the Lousy Canuck we could drink a beer someday when we got past all this

    I’m sure it will surprise no one that this isn’t actually what Paden said. what he said was:

    hopefully one day you will escape the bubble you live in and join the rest of us in the real world where people like you are really just fodder and the rest of us learn to get along without acting like we are too good for everyone else. When you make it to that level look me up I’ll buy you a beer

    there ain’t no “when we got past all this” in his real comment; it’s all “when you reject your all your values”

  38. 38
    screechymonkey

    and would fight to defend her safety and honor at any cost

    Big fucking deal. The fact that a man says he is ready to commit violence in his daughter’s name tells me nothing about his character.

    First, everybody says that anyway. Who are we to compare him to? All the men who say “nah, screw it, do what you want to my daughter, just don’t hurt me!”? Hopefully, neither Reap nor anyone else ever has to demonstrate it.

    Second, defending your child’s physical safety is pretty much a bare minimum standard of decency. Precisely how many of your other friends and acquaintances do you think would just step aside? I think even the people I think the least of would defend their own children. As to the bit about “honor,” well, the less said about violence committed in the name of defending a daughter’s “honor,” the better.

    To say that someone isn’t a sexist because he’d totally beat up his daughter’s rapist is like saying someone isn’t a racist because he doesn’t condone genocide. We have many sexism-related problems in our society, but fathers standing by idly while their daughters are physically or sexually assaulted isn’t one of them. (Hooray for us!) We have problems like fathers who stand idly by while other people’s daughters are called “sluts” or blamed for their assaults because they were dressing provocatively (“hey, that’ll never happen to my daughter, because she’s a good girl!”). We have problems like fathers who complain about that “bitch” at the office, but begrudgingly admit that their male boss is just “tough and demanding.” How’s ol’ Reap doing on things like that? I bet not so well.

  39. 39
    carlie

    But, I know that he loves and cares for his daughter, and would fight to defend her safety and honor at any cost.

    Oh hell, I’ll say it.

    Nazis loved and cared for their daughters, too.

  40. 40
    Jadehawk

    But, I know that he loves and cares for his daughter, and would fight to defend her safety and honor at any cost.

    meaningless, given that so would the most horrible person I know in meatspace.

    Really, protecting “your” women with violence against others (especially “defending her honor”) is bog-standard macho behavior.

  41. 41
    screechymonkey

    Damn you, carlie and Jadehawk, for making my points much more succinctly.

  42. 42
    SallyStrange

    Premise 1: Misogyny is the hatred of women. ALL women. No exceptions. If there are some women you don’t hate, you’re not a misogynist.

    Premise 2: The vast majority of men throughout history have a few women they don’t hate: mothers, wives, daughters.

    Conclusion: Misogyny is a figment of our imagination. Nobody has ever been misogynist, ever, except for a few orphaned gay guys with no siblings and no children. And even they liked the Queen a bit, so no dice. There’s no such thing as misogyny.

    Aren’t you glad that feminism isn’t actually necessary after all?

  43. 43
    Jason Thibeault

    When I suggested to the Lousy Canuck we could drink a beer someday when we got past all this he replied with “A beer with you would cost too much” or something to that effect.

    As I recall, it was something like “maybe one day you’ll realize that you’re just being a stuck up asshole that’s too good for us all when you fight against things like sexism, and join the rest of us in the real world, and I hope you talk to me then and I might buy you a beer.” (Only with far less introspection and honesty about what you were angry about in my actions.)

    That’s when I said “that beer comes at far too high a cost.”

    I’ll dig up the Google Plus thread because it was indeed a hoot. But not at my expense.

  44. 44
    Cyranothe2nd, there's no such thing as a moderate ally

    Wowbagger @ 11–

    Cookies are exactly what its about, by his own admission:

    I did not start out calling Stephanie a bitch that was after she blew me off as not important enough to listen to. Suddenly I was important enough though, wasn’t I ? Funny how that works. When I was being respectful in my disagreement I was dismissed.

    @ 27

    I know that he loves and cares for his daughter, and would fight to defend her safety and honor at any cost. No one has the right to deny that unless she/he has actual evidence, and if so, you will really need to do your homework to convince me because I have plenty of experiences to the contrary.

    No one gives a fuck whether he loves his daughter. Its how he treats other women that is our issue with him.

  45. 45
    Jason Thibeault

    That thread is here. https://plus.google.com/u/0/117316671086514429511/posts/TbcFJHAvgZQ

    Reap:

    Jason, hopefully one day you will escape the bubble you live in and join the rest of us in the real world where people like you are really just fodder and the rest of us learn to get along without acting like we are too good for everyone else. When you make it to that level look me up I’ll buy you a beer.

    Me:

    That beer would come at far too high a cost. 

  46. 46
    lilandra

    OK. I don’t get why Reap thinks that anyone in this forum would stop giving Oolon’s opinion consideration because he suggests it. Is it some sort of lack of social awareness?

    IOW why would someone comment on a blog not to consider another commenter’s opinion because they say so?

  47. 47
    Aratina Cage

    OK. I don’t get why Reap thinks that anyone in this forum would stop giving Oolon’s opinion consideration because he suggests it. Is it some sort of lack of social awareness?

    IOW why would someone comment on a blog not to consider another commenter’s opinion because they say so?

    It’s because he (Reap) is an abusive asshole.

  48. 48
    lilandra

    But connect the dots, right? He must know that…
    1. His opinion is not well respected here.
    2. He isn’t an authority here that anyone would obey his commands.
    3. That people don’t really have the authority to dismiss a person just because someone says so in blog comments.

  49. 49
    Great American Satan

    The home team here is so winning. Why do Reap &Pals even bother? That’s what the obsession is about: The constant red-ass beatdowns he gets every time he comes with that stupid trash on FtB.

    Jadehawk@37 LeftWing@13 Screechy@24 and more, you school. XD

  50. 50
    screechymonkey

    lilandra, the dots you need to connect are:

    1. Reap thinks he’s brilliant.
    2. He thinks everyone else can’t help but see his brilliance.
    3. He assumes that nobody here actually decides anything for themselves, so just as we meekly followed whatever our FtB masters tell us to think, we will now follow whatever this obviously brilliant fellow tells us.

    So we’ll just believe whatever he tells us about his exchange with Jason Thibault, and we’ll just accept whatever he tells us about oolon. Next step: we’ll just believe whatever he tells us about those scary straw feminists living in his closet.

  51. 51
    lilandra

    Putting simple social cues together isn’t Chinese Algebra is my point.

  52. 52
    lilandra

    If he could figure out how to do the simple social calculations that other people do to decide if they’re being jerks or not, he would be on his way back to being a human being.

  53. 53
    Aratina Cage

    @lilandra

    But connect the dots, right? He must know that…

    Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I agree with you that it is silly of him to do it for all the reasons you stated, and I was just being kind of matter-of-fact rhetorical about it with that answer. I can’t think of why else someone would do that. Hell, even Ray Comfort gets treated better when he is a guest on podcasts than the way Oolon is treated by Reap!

  54. 54
    lilandra

    It’s okay. The point may have needed clarification. But I am glad you get the point I am making now.

  55. 55
    A. Noyd

    sheldonhelms (#27)

    I find it disconcerting that someone would hold up as a standard any post in which men are referred to as “assholes,” and are described as oversexed animals. Surely that isn’t what Ms. Benson believes is the norm, so why would she use such a post to reminisce about how great Reap “used to be”?

    Because of how terrible he is now. It’s like reminiscing about how much better you liked your mother’s chihuahua when it just chewed its own balls a lot rather than regularly crapping on the carpet, eating the shit and puking it everywhere. The ball-chewing wasn’t ideal, but at least it didn’t take a weekly steam cleaning to make the house livable.

    But, you know, if you have a problem with what Reap said, go take it up with Reap.

  56. 56
    Great American Satan

    Sheldon Helms – Logically inconsistent, clueless, unhelpful, uninteresting. Let’s make this like a comment thread on Manboobz and start discussing tea cozies and jaguarundis.

  57. 57
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    Concerned about your daughter…how would you react if someone treated your daughter the way you treated Stephanie?

    Well, I guess he’d give her the same advice he gave Stephanie: “Stop being a fucking bitch.” Seriously, if some guy deems her a bitch she’ll surely have done something to deserve it…

    and would fight to defend her safety and honor at any cost

    Am I the only person who is creeped out by this mentioning of “defending her honour”?
    Creepy, creepy, creepy, creepy.

  58. 58
    oolon

    I command you all to love Reap Paden!

    @lilandra, I think its just because I spoke to him on his podcast, so its a sort of variation on the availability heuristic bias. I’m in his mind at the moment given he recently re-banned me on his blog and we’ve had a little bit of banter on twitter so my comment stuck out for him. Because what I said stuck out for him, and he didn’t like it, he felt the need to suggest no one take any notice of me. Bit daft if he didn’t want anyone to take note, but then that’s Reap’s modus operadi Whatever steps he takes to detract from or undo something he doesn’t like seem to only make things worse.

    I’d like to think that I made an impression with the comment and he really does think he has gone too far and should back off… But I think I’m likely labouring under some cognitive bias of my own there!

  59. 59
    Kevin, Youhao Huo Mao

    @Reap Paden:

    ¶ <– this is your friend! It makes your statements easier to read!!!

  60. 60
    leebrimmicombe-wood

    I find it disconcerting that someone would hold up as a standard any post in which men are referred to as “assholes” and are described as oversexed animals.

    To be fair to your pal Reap, he did qualify what he meant by that, describing as assholes those men who objectified women. That said, I maybe missed the bit where he referred to them as oversexed animals, because mostly because in the passages I read he compared them to immature schoolboys.

    Surely that isn’t what Ms. Benson believes is the norm, so why would she use such a post to reminisce about how great Reap “used to be”? This is what many people seem to be rebelling against in the Feminist Movement today, and I think we need to be careful how we express our support of such themes. If someone had written a post about women that was so one-sided, biased, and derogatory, I’m sure Ms. Benson would have torn that to pieces, too. So, why doesn’t the same thinking apply here?

    Um, because Reap’s post references some men’s specific behaviours and not all?

    I believe you are strawmanning Reap here, unless there’s a quote I somehow missed. (I can’t believe I’m saying this, but there you are…)

    Unlike most of the people reading this and posting comments, I actually know Reap personally. He is an interesting, intelligent, and passionate guy. I’m sure he disagrees with some of my beliefs, and I likely don’t agree with everything he says or does, either.

    Okay. So you are a chum. I’ll buy the description of him as passionate. He may certainly be smart by some measure of smarts, but we feel he has been gravely in error recently. To the point of being obnoxious and stalkery.

    But, I know that he loves and cares for his daughter, and would fight to defend her safety and honor at any cost.

    That certainly puts him in the category of 99.8% of all fathers with daughters.

    No one has the right to deny that unless she/he has actual evidence

    BUT NOBODY MAKES ANY SUCH CLAIM! No one here denies the love he has for his daughter. Please point out evidence for the contrary.

    However, he has been mean to other women. Been mean to a number of them, using sexist and demeaning language. We have a beef with him about that.

    That said, I think we need to stop with all the bitching, sniping, and hyperbole, and get back to the business of actually doing something for women.

    Use of the ‘b’ word gets you scant regard in these parts, pardner. And actually, the purpose of the savage takedowns of nasty sexists serves a noble purpose, that of discouraging antisocial behaviour in the less socialised. We have had some testimonials that it has had the desired effect.

  61. 61
    Illuminata, Genie in the Beer Bottle

    I command you all to love Reap Paden!

    I lol’d. Well done.

    But since The God of All Knowledge Reap Paden says that everyone must disregard your opinion because he says so, I’m afraid we all must obey. Or be FUCKING BITCH FUCKING BITCH FUCKING BITCH to that “thoughtful” bigot.

  62. 62
    Bjarte Foshaug

    @screechymonkey #24

    reap@8:

    There are problems in the world, real problems.

    A. Hermit @4:

    Just browsed through Reap’s blog…you have to go all the way back to last July to find a post that isn’t about FtB.

    I even got the angry atheist hashtag right :-P

  63. 63
    A Hermit

    I even got the angry atheist hashtag right

    Heh…I love that comic of yours; certainly fits this story perfectly.

    It also makes me sad though, `cause I used to have hair like the figure in the last panel, and now I look like the “day one” guy…T_T

  64. 64
    daniellavine

    Wow, this Reap Paden guy is quite a narcissist.

    Reap, you don’t have a right to anyone else’s attention. You’re not justified in harassing someone on the internet because they “didn’t want to listen to you”. You’re not as interesting or intelligent as you think you are. And even if you were it would still be perfectly acceptable for people to decline to talk to you.

    WTF is wrong with you?

  65. 65
    doublereed

    Quite frankly Reap, it doesn’t sound like you have an interest in women being treated with respect. It sounds like you have an interest in _your daughter_ being treated with respect.

    You do realize she’s somebody’s daughter, right?

  66. 66
    hoary puccoon

    Personally, I can’t “listen to” (i.e., read) anyone who won’t use paragraphs. It’s not just the boredom. It’s the grave suspicion they are trying to look profound. And failing.

  67. 67
    Worldtraveller

    I have to laugh at Reap’s pathetic attempt to smear oolon. It’s a fail of epic backfiring proportions.

    Reap: It’s pitch black in here, and don’t let anyone tell you different!

    oolon: I can see fine, the sun’s out, and it’s clear blue skies for miles. (I know, pretend you’re not in England. ;) )

    Reap: Pay no attention to that bright shiny thing up in the sky….it doesn’t exist.

    Alrighty then.

  68. 68
    Donnie

    Reap and the paragraphs…it is intentional. It’s his “style” or his “signature”. Sort of like not using aposthropes (‘) is ERV’s style. Reap is just aping (as in mocking as in copy-cating or is it copy-dogging in ERV’s case) the abuse of grammatical style. Why? I have no idea. I never did read ERV’s “reason” for her distate for ‘ in informal writing. With a missing ‘, the sentences are still legible. With missing paragraphs – it becomes TL;DR.

    Of course, the whole purpose of this observation is “when did Reap stop using paragraphs?” Before or after the slymepit?

    NOTE: I stopped reading ERV around the time she coined the pet name for Rebecca and confirmed why I always hated her pet names for Kirshenbaum and Mooney

  69. 69
    psocoptera

    #57 Gilliel – I was creeped out. Even ruling out the usual negative associations with the word “honor,” it still serves to infantilize her. He also seemed to be implying that we were going to say something nasty about Reap’s daughter. I’ve actually found male friends defending me physically to be disconcerting, too, because they didn’t wait to see if I could handle the situation (both times it happened I could have). They just jumped in like some kind of fucking hero. Actually, both times I ended up screaming at my friend rather than the guy who hit me, so it was also a distraction. I am not saying don’t defend your friends, but think before you act. Maybe even communicate.

    Also, is it confirmation bias if Reap keeps coming here and confirming my bias? Seriously, dude, find a hobby that doesn’t involve FTB. Crocheting is nice, but I can’t get behind the tea cosies suggested upthread. Have people never heard of a thermal carafe?

  70. 70
    Jackie

    Shhhhh…Ladyfolk, simmer down now. Reap’s gonna tell us what our real problems are and we won’t be able to hear him if we speak for ourselves.

    Those problems are not just about men treating women like shit they are also about men being blamed/accused of things they have never done by women.

    OK Reap, other than “bitches be lying”, what other real problems do women need to address for you? Ya know, other than the fact they don’t recognize your right to make them listen to you? Also, please provide a citation showing that women lying about men is as widespread and devastating a problem as men treating women like shit. Because I’m betting that’s just more MRA propaganda bullshit leaking from your scream hole.

    Your daughter doesn’t take shit, but she gives people the benefit of the doubt? WTF does that even mean? How much shit are people supposed to take from you? What doubt is left that you are a foul, sexist, rage prone, entitled creep? Where have you left any room for doubt? I mean, I guess we could disregard everything you write and say, but that doesn’t leave us much to judge you by, does it?

    She’s an adult woman? What other kind is there? Are there women who you do not consider full adults?

    Seriously dude, unpack your baggage.

    You are not the supportive dad you think you are. That is likely your intent, but you’ve missed the mark by a mile. If you think the toxic way you clearly think of women doesn’t bleed into your relationship with your kid, you are wrong. “I have a daughter” doesn’t make you less of a sexist than “I have a black friend” makes anyone less racist.

  71. 71
    atheist

    @reappaden – February 26, 2013 at 1:04 pm (UTC -8)

    Step 1: Learn to write paragraphs.

  72. 72
    Jackie

    I want to add to that that I’m sure you do love your kid. Racists everywhere really respect and feel affection for their lone black friends.

    But when those racists continue to call other black people the “N” word and truly believe that the equal rights movement went too far, segregation was just fine, black folks are lazy…or whatever it is that racists are keen on believing, they’re not really a friend to any black person, are they? They’re not even a friend to the one they think is an exception to their racist beliefs. They may argue that they only call black people the “N” word when they deserve it and I’m sure they sincerely believe that. But they’re still racist and still shitty friends.

    You like to call women bitches and cunts, but only when they deserve it and some of the people you care about are women. They are, in your point of view, exceptional. They are adult women, not the infantile kind that lie and assume the worst and won’t listen to you tell them what stupid cunts they are. They are special. They are “the good ones” They are safe from men like you and those much, much worse than you.

    Only they aren’t. They are mired in the same culture we all are. Your daughter can be as smart and tough and pure of heart as they come, but that will not make her safe from sexism, misogyny, rape culture, patriarchy or anything else. You’re denial that those things exist will not protect her. She is not any more special to other men than Stephanie is to you. When you argue that bitchez be ly’n and rage as hard as you can at feminism, you are making your child’s world a more dangerous place. The shittiest thing about it is that you will never have to face those same dangers. You are helping to maintain a minefield that you’ll never have to cross. I can’t think of anything more selfish or cruel. I sincerely wish you’d reconsider. I really don’t think you are doing this on purpose. But then, we all know what the road to hell is paved with….

  73. 73
    oolon

    I insist no one reads jackiepapers comment above, especially Reap.

    [Cannot stick the joke and keep to that Jackie, nice comment. Unfortunately I think all Reap will get from it is that you "called" him a racist! He doesn't do analogy... ]

  74. 74
    athyco

    That was a great comment, jackiepapers. One certainly worth mentioning the joke, but not sticking it. One worth seeing by people who–perhaps unlike Reap–have got it but appreciate its clarity or will get it because it strikes a chord.

  75. 75
    Jackie

    What is sticking the joke?

    Oh…that did start snarky/playful and got kinda ….not.

    Sorry. It stopped being funny to me and I guess I just went with it.

    For the record: I’m not calling him racist. I’m calling him sexist.

    I have sexist family. (I’ve got all kinds of -ists in the family. Yeehaw!) They love me.
    I don’t want to be loved despite being a person like me. It’s creepy. Sweet, but creepy.

    That reminds me, I don’t want to be my fundamentalist friends’ token atheist friend either. But I am. See, other atheists are just too lazy to go to church/hate God/ what have you. But not me. I’m special. (Also,they think they’ll probably convert me one day. So there’s that going for me)
    That’s not cool. It is the best they can do for me. I just wish they could do better and I wish guys like Reap could do better for the girls and women in their lives.

    Full disclosure: I’ve been wrong about lots of thing in my life and my love is not always a gift from above either. I have treated people badly, without meaning to. I was an especially clueless ass who said horrible, horrible things, thinking I was right. I wasn’t.
    I’m sorry to shock everyone like that. It is probably surprising to find out that I have a history of assholeishness. But I assure you, it’s true.

    So, this is the part where I point out that Reap and I are not so different after all. I disagree that he is doing right, but I believe that he intends to do right and I think he still can. If there was hope for me, there is hope for anyone.

  76. 76
    Ms. Daisy Cutter, General Manager for the Cleveland Steamers

    Reap spawned? That’s frightening.

  77. 77
    Nick Gotts

    I did not start out calling Stephanie a bitch that was after she blew me off as not important enough to listen to. Suddenly I was important enough though, wasn’t I ? Funny how that works. – reappaden

    So, according to your own account, you found that misogynist abuse achieved the effect you wanted – more attention to the great Reap Paden – and you’ve never looked back. Nice to have the confession in writing.

  78. 78
    Loud - warm smiles do not make you welcome here

    Late to the party, but I just wanted to say to Oolon, much respect for your performance on Reap’s podcast.

  79. 79
    Didgya

    Nice job of making a straw man out of Reap guys. I find it funny that Opelia dismisses Reap (below) but then dedicates this thread about him? He still acts the same way he did before. What is sad is that a great deal of you ride around on your moral high horse and equate Reap to the people who threaten with rape and violence. If his crime is disagreeing and calling people bitches then so be it but do not create a false dichotomy to prove your points. Now attack my grammar or whatever else I did, in this post, that will make you dismiss it out of your mind and enjoy judging everyone on your own bias (as we all do) moral scale. http://freethoughtblogs.com/butterfliesandwheels/2013/01/grievance-1-your-face-bruising-my-fist/#comment-449990 Also, at least, Oolon went on Reap’s show and talked to him. His “treatment” was appropriate. Sure Reap wasn’t a happy camper but he was rightfully annoyed and he at least resolved to let Oolon back on his blog (which he should have and did). I doubt most of you would actually talk to him, he is just so below your notice, obviously.

  80. 80
    Anthony K

    He still acts the same way he did before.

    I don’t. Because of something most humans do called ‘learning’.

  81. 81
    Ophelia Benson

    What’s your point? Women shouldn’t mind being called fucking bitches? I don’t agree. Something else? I can’t find it.

  82. 82
    Anthony K

    Nice job of making a straw man out of Reap guys.

    No, we didn’t.

    Stalemate, brah.

    Now, you wanna cough up some fucking specifics that can be discussed, or are you a skeptic in name only like most of your vague little halfwit pals?

  83. 83
    Aratina Cage

    Oolon went on Reap’s show and talked to him. His “treatment” was appropriate.

    NO IT WAS NOT! You do NOT treat guests like that. It was extremely UNPROFESSIONAL.

  84. 84
    oolon

    @Didgya know he banned me again? Not even for anything I said on his blog either… I tell you that fellas moderation policy is *just* like the Spanish Inquisition! Or maybe worse. I am now proclaiming myself a #bravehero of the Fighters Againsts Reaps Tyranny … No one treats me this way, he doesn’t know me! There will be a bad smell coming his way soon! And maybe videos. Rendered videos. Lots of them.

  85. 85
    oolon

    @Loud, Cheers!

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