Jul 24 2011

I just had this phone conversation

You only get to hear what I said:
Why are you calling me.
Wait, what?
Wait, every time you say “children in a van” you cut out.
No seriously. I hear “children in a van” and then “shhhhhhhhhhhhhh” like this is some top secret message that’s being intercepted by the FBI.
17 children?
Dancing to what?
No license plates or Ohio license plates?
That’s just as bad.
Wait, I thought you said seventeen.
How do you fit seventy five thousand children in a van?
They’re Aryan children Mark, they’re coming for you.
Wait did they multiply? Are they undergoing mitosis?
I can’t hold the phone.

This is post 47 of 49 of Blogathon. Pledge a donation to the Secular Student Alliance here.


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  1. 1
    Sam Cook

    Right….That makes about as much sense as the NonStampCollector’s “Quiz show (Bible Contradictions)”….

  2. 2
    Jen (but not the blogger Jen)

    A fascinating piece of scientific evidence in the study of the effects of 24 hour blogging. FOR SCIENCE! :D

  3. 3
    Sam Barnett-Cormack

    Excellent. Sounds like a lot of my phone conversations with my mother. Not the specifics, I mean, but the apparent insanity.

  4. 4
    Sam Barnett-Cormack

    The real question, of course, is “does it make more sense when you have both sides of the conversation?”

  5. 5

    Yes, it makes perfect sense. Here’s the rest:@font-face { font-family: “Cambria”;}p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal { margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt; font-size: 12pt; font-family: “Times New Roman”; }div.Section1 { page: Section1; }BZ: Hello, this is Blitzkriege Zipperspark of the NationalSocialist Neighbourhood Watch. JM: Why are youcalling me. BZ: Well, I amcalling to inform you that we have children in a van shhhhhhhhhhhhhh JM: Wait, what? BZ: We have preparedthe children in a van shhhhhhhhhhhhhh JM: Wait, every timeyou say “children in a van” you cut out. BZ: I’m sorry, didyou not want to be informed, or are you joking? JM: No seriously. Ihear “children in a van” and then “shhhhhhhhhhhhhh” likethis is some top secret message that’s being intercepted by the FBI. BZ: OK, let’s trythis again. Sevenshhhhhhhhhhhhhhchildren will be arriving by van to perform for your blogathon. We have beentraining them quite rigorously.  JM: 17 children? BZ: Sevenshhhhhhhhhhhhhh children. They willbegin dancing upon arrival. JM: Dancing to what? BZ: TraditionalMongolian throat singing. You’ll recognize our van; it has shhhhhhhhhhhhhh –o license plates. JM: No licenseplates or Ohio license plates? BZ: Borneo licenseplates. JM: That’s just asbad. BZ: All 75,000 willbe there in 20 minutes. They’ll take a while to get situated, but trust me, it’sworth the wait. JM: Wait, I thoughtyou said seventeen. BZ: 75,000 JM: How do you fitseventy five thousand children in a van? BZ: All you have todo is buckshhhhhhhhhhhtheshhhhhhhhhhhhgate. JM: Tessellate? BZ: See you soon. JM: Goodbye. MARK: Who was that? JM: They’re Aryanchildren Mark, they’re coming for you. MARK: The NationalSocials Watch kids? They’re the best. I have 80,000 in my jacket. JM: Wait did theymultiply? Are they undergoing mitosis? MARK: Well, they arevery small. Tell you what, let me cook you up some pickles and you hold thephone. JM: I can’t hold thephone.

  6. 6

    This just made my day

  7. 7

    Well, your powers of deduction are impeccable. This is exactly what happened.

  8. 8

    Just checking through the last dew blogathon posts as i was asleep during the end, it seems this is about the point where Jen lost her sanity.

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