Oh noes! First we have to worry about catching The Gay…now this!
According to this highly scientific graphic, I’m already around Stage 2 of the recovery process. I mean, I’m not a vegan, and I shave my armpits. I wonder who’s been working so hard at purging that vile Manus haterii from my body!
(Via STFU, Conservatives)
80 comments
Skip to comment form ↓
Randy Milholland
November 17, 2010 at 3:12 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Apparently you just need someone to treat you right.Now it’s Randy’s time to shine!
Three Ninjas
November 17, 2010 at 3:17 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Had I known you shaved your armpits…
Nonsy
November 17, 2010 at 3:17 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Jesus’ aborted fetus this is the dumbest thing I think I’ll see for a while… Goddamn I hate modern culture. It’s bullshit like this that pretty much proves that feminists are right, though I wouldn’t expect anti-feminists to pull their heads out of their asses long enough to realize this.
Jen
November 17, 2010 at 3:18 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
…Ok, maybe I’ll make an exception for you.
Randy Milholland
November 17, 2010 at 3:20 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
It says I need to treat you right and shift your focus. Who wants CUPCAKES?!Sweet, sweet cupcakes of male oppression.(The secret’s in the batter… I put my penis in it)
Jason Myers
November 17, 2010 at 3:25 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I love the speech bubbles “I think a man completes me.”
Rbray18
November 17, 2010 at 3:40 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
what i love is one of the ex feminist is in her underwear,since when did ladies appear in magazines in their skivvies?and i swear i’ve seen those pics before.could be imaging it but wouldn’t put it past conservatives from stealing others work.
Allen Gould
November 17, 2010 at 3:52 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I’m impressed with the way that they o-so-subtly leave the impression that women wearing clothes are undesirable.
Vincenzo Lisciandrello
November 17, 2010 at 4:05 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Oh, Randy. Is there ANYTHING about you that isn’t endearing?
Amanda
November 17, 2010 at 4:08 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I really wish I hadn’t seen this.
Hans
November 17, 2010 at 4:13 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I guess we male feminists are just hopeless cases.
Biodork
November 17, 2010 at 4:13 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
But…wha…is this a joke article? Wait, it says Maxim in the lower left corner – this is real? This is the most offensive “article” I believe I have ever seen in a major pop magazine…and that’s saying a lot because I still peruse the occasional Cosmo for giggles and groans when I’m in line at the grocery store. I’m floored!
Hillary
November 17, 2010 at 4:20 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
The actual text of this “article” isn’t particularly awful (if you ignore the premise and just read it as a way to build a relationship with a woman…as far as that goes, it could be MUCH worse), but maybe that’s just because it’s juxtaposed with an illustration that makes me truly stabbity.
Jonathan Katz
November 17, 2010 at 4:21 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
It’s MAXIM, people. It’s mostly satire.
Buffy2q
November 17, 2010 at 4:23 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; I’m so damn glad I’m a lesbian. How the hell do straight women put up with that crap?
Jeff van Booven
November 17, 2010 at 4:31 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
What I want to know is why she also has to become dumber as she becomes less feminist? Do we also need to endorse anti-intellectualism with our patriarchal horseshit as well?
Stoopidtallkid
November 17, 2010 at 5:05 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
…Wow. I normally disagree with you on feminist issues, but this is nuts. How did this even get published?
TerranRich
November 17, 2010 at 5:18 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Let me guess: Maxim? Great for the pictorials, utterly disgusting trash in terms of textual content. I read it and find myself disgusted that there’s a whole audience of men eating that shit up.
TerranRich
November 17, 2010 at 5:19 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Let me guess: Maxim? Great for the pictorials, utterly disgusting trash in terms of textual content. I read it and find myself disgusted that there’s a whole audience of men eating that shit up.Of course, when I say “great for the pictorials”, I’m admitting I’m an imperfect male that still tends to follow some of the stereotypes about my gender. *shrugs*(Whoops, double-post. Odd.)
Eliza_Munson
November 17, 2010 at 6:01 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Wow, apparently lipstick makes you a”moderate feminist”. Silly me thinking what you wear has nothing to do with the acceptability of your position. What do I have to wear to be a “moderate atheist”?
loreleion
November 17, 2010 at 6:13 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
A cross.
Nominatissima
November 17, 2010 at 6:25 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
The “militant feminist” at the far left of the spectrum looks like Patti Smith, a woman I’ve always considered to be beautiful and exciting. I guess there’s a huge chasm between what I consider desirable and what the readers of that mag/rag consider to be beauty’s epitome.
Aurora Chrisma
November 17, 2010 at 7:03 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Did that article really say “reshizzle”?
JT the Girl
November 17, 2010 at 7:41 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I used to read this magazine sometimes. My last straw was when they had this article about what to do in certain severe situations. The final one was if you shart in your car. Satire or no, it was gross and I was over it. We, the manhaters, can only take so much satire. Especially when it’s mansplained in a way designed to ‘open my eyes’.
Timyang19
November 17, 2010 at 8:19 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
As a guy who openly admits to liking porn very, very much, would it be considered contradictory if I said I think that article was crude, stupid, and utterly missed the point on women?People tell me that it’s a joke, so it’s funny. Try telling that to a black guy when a white dude makes black jokes.
Ian Andreas Miller
November 17, 2010 at 8:25 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
“According to this highly scientific graphic, I’m already around Stage 2 of the recovery process. I mean, I’m not a vegan, and I shave my armpits. I wonder who’s been working so hard at purging that vile Manus haterii from my body!”Who is Haterius and why are his hands (manus) on your body?
theindigolemon
November 17, 2010 at 9:08 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
As a woman, I give you permission to like sexy pictures of naked ladies.Seriously, what’s wrong with that?
theindigolemon
November 17, 2010 at 9:08 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
What’s she saying in the last caption?
April
November 17, 2010 at 9:20 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Er, I think it’s “Your Camaro makes me so hot.” Either that or “Cammo”, not sure.
Fiyenyaa
November 17, 2010 at 9:28 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Thankfully not all of us heterosexual males are like that.Unfortunately it’s hardly an overwhelming majority.
Azkyroth
November 17, 2010 at 10:06 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
No, it wouldn’t be considered contradictory. Except by a few omnicidal-lite fauxminists.
Alenônimo
November 17, 2010 at 10:43 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Wow. Tell me when you reach level 3. *fap fap fap fap…*Sorry. Bad joke. But you shouldn’t bother with this kind of article. It was made to “sell” to ignorant (or very horny but forever alone) people.I mean, try to make a really good magazine without sex appeal and see yourself asking for change on the street next week. Maybe even the editor of the magazine is sighing right now because of that. At least I hope so.
Alenônimo
November 17, 2010 at 10:45 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
It was just an excuse to show girls in skimpy and underwear clothes. Don’t bother with the “texty” part.
Tab Kimpton
November 17, 2010 at 12:34 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Oh man, this is so bad it makes me want to believe it’s a joke.On a purely aesthetic note I find the first picture the most attractive. But then again I like my women to be able to hold a conversation and not to be brainwashed.
TGIAA
November 17, 2010 at 2:20 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I like to think that when the bible was written it was meant to be satire. Who’s laughing now?
Valhar2000
November 17, 2010 at 3:54 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
You like to think that: it doesn’t make it true.
Jimbo
November 17, 2010 at 3:58 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Apparently this was a “response” to a Cosmo article on “What to do if your man reads Maxim?” While Maxim is always over the top, and rarely funny (like “Garfield”), I actually think this one was meant to be satire…
Valhar2000
November 17, 2010 at 4:03 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Do we know this is for real? It just reads like a joke to me, in every line. And not a joke as in “Let’s laugh at those silly feminists” but rather as in “let’s see how far we can go before the idiots we are parodying finally get a clue”.
Valhar2000
November 17, 2010 at 4:05 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I prefer the second one: the first one is a caricature.I also like the third one because the model has a nice figure and the pose shows it well, and the fourth one fails in this regard for some reason I cannot put my finger on.
Phillip Helbig
November 17, 2010 at 5:25 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
“I shave my armpits”Why? Apply the same scepticism to your answer as you apply to, say, religion, Sarah Palin, global-warming deniers etc.
Hans
November 17, 2010 at 6:04 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Of course, just because others like to think it is real doesn’t make it so either.Relevant:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v…
Fiona
November 17, 2010 at 6:07 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
So they’re banana nut cupcakes? Somehow, I think I’d fear the icing more than the cupcake. But hey, at least you’re being up front about the male oppression and penis batter. Not every man would sacrifice that much to feed his woman.
Azkyroth
November 17, 2010 at 6:34 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Personal aesthetic preferences don’t need a rigorous justification. (Not even when you’re rolling your eyes at one of those fucking idiots who claim that men who prefer their female partners to shave their pubic hair (women who prefer shaved partners or the feel of bare skin on themselves are discretely marginalized out of acknowledged existence in these arguments) are all closeted pedophiles).
JT Ingram
November 17, 2010 at 7:29 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Not necessarily. I think we can just follow the steps all the same and have you thinking how much a man would complete you in no time….So, I have a friend who bought me this super tight tank-top that says feminist on it but it doesn’t fit. Maybe you’d like to have it.
Azkyroth
November 17, 2010 at 8:35 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I CAN think of a way to “cure” feminism – fix the culture so there is no longer sexism to actively oppose. >.>And find a way to shut up the idiots who yell “welp, here we are, we’re…we’re there now!” every time we beat back one particular institutionalized form of sexism.
Jeffrey A. Myers
November 17, 2010 at 8:36 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Wait, it looks like this from the November 2003 issue of Maxim. This was back in the dark years of the Bush Administration. Clearly we’re already beyond this now… right?
Azkyroth
November 17, 2010 at 8:39 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
PS: I’m curious; do you cut your hair or wear more than the bare minimum of clothing needed to avoid being arrested or thrown out of restaurants?
Hans
November 17, 2010 at 8:59 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Somewhere I have a Feminist Majority Foundation shirt that says “this is what a feminist looks like.” I wore it frequently while an undergrad, before moving away from t-shirts entirely.
Lindsay
November 17, 2010 at 11:09 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Yeah, except Cosmo isn’t known for its appeal to the feminist crowd, so if that was their intention, they really failed.
TerranRich
November 17, 2010 at 11:10 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
No idea. I felt compelled to apologize for that for some reason.
Azkyroth
November 18, 2010 at 12:20 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Yeah, isn’t Cosmo like on the other side of the event horizon of “buy this shit to make you beautiful so you’ll finally be worth something?” and “don’t worry your pretty little head about anything serious or adult (except sex)”?
Arancaytar
November 18, 2010 at 1:15 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Sure; the same way that racism is dead now that a black president got elected. ;-)
Julie
November 18, 2010 at 1:32 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Because my husband realizes I can support gender equality, wear makeup, shave my legs AND like his penis, all at the same time!
KnottyNiki
November 18, 2010 at 2:09 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
because she wants to.Next question?
K.W. Ramsey
November 18, 2010 at 3:22 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I see your cupcakes and raise you homemade chocolate turtles of patriarchy!
Julie
November 18, 2010 at 3:54 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Apart from the armpit hair, I’d love to give #1 a tumble.
Azkyroth
November 18, 2010 at 7:14 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
The armpit hair I can live with. The cigarette kills the mood so dead only a Wish or Miracle could bring it back.
Noru
November 18, 2010 at 10:59 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
If Cosmo is their idea of a “radical feminist” mag, an Emma would probably blow their minds clean off.Actually, whenever I see something like this, I as a member of the target group feel discriminated by proxy. The suggestion alone that I should find this appealing offends me.
zen
November 18, 2010 at 8:46 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I agree with you on both counts, tim, besides, theindigolemon gave us permission to like sexy pictures of naked ladies, so it’s all good.
zen
November 18, 2010 at 8:47 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
“my” women?
zen
November 18, 2010 at 8:52 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I personally appreciate a depilatated woman. Not because of any latent pedophilia, but the short hairs tickle my nose and make sneeze – most unsexy during foreplay.
amonkeyinmypocket
November 18, 2010 at 8:56 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
It’s always sad when people miss the point of satire…
amonkeyinmypocket
November 18, 2010 at 8:58 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
You’re mom’s satire. Oooh, snap.
amonkeyinmypocket
November 18, 2010 at 9:10 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Hrm, it’s a shame satire is largely lost on this audience. Lighten up people, you’re going to have an aneurysm raging at something that’s obviously not meant to be taken seriously…
Lindsay
November 18, 2010 at 9:35 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I think the definition of satire is lost on this commenter, because it means “the exposure of the vices or follies of an individual, a group, an institution, an idea, a society, etc., usually with a view to correcting it.” So yes, it IS satire, but satire is not the same thing as humor.
Julie
November 18, 2010 at 10:45 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Come to think of it, yeah you’re right. I guess I’d forgotten how gross kissing a smoker actually is. I only know that watching Shane on “The L Word” smoke a cigarette is pretty much porn in and of itself.
Jenny
November 19, 2010 at 1:35 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
This is just a guess… but I’m GUESSING that regular readers of Maxim are not exactly big into reading about feminism.The only thing that bothers me about this is that it’s just relaying stereotypes about feminism to people who may not know about feminism in the first place. Seems like it sort of defeats the purpose of it being satire if the reader doesn’t understand the thing being satirized…
Nonsy
November 19, 2010 at 2:05 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
The problem with satirizing anti-feminists and the like is that they are such ignorant assholes that any satire comes across as something they’d actually say. I encounter the same problem with satirical Christian blogs, where I can’t decide whether to laugh or get pissed off, because I honestly can’t tell if it’s satire or just stupid Christians saying the same idiotic shit they always do.
amonkeyinmypocket
November 19, 2010 at 4:18 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I fail to see your point. I said it’s satire; you agree it’s satire. Whether or not it’s humorous is subjective. However, treating it like it’s an article that’s legitimately trying to get people to follow its suggestions (as the majority of commenters here are taking it) is absurd.
amonkeyinmypocket
November 19, 2010 at 5:33 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
It’s so over-the-top sensationalized it seems like it should be obvious. I guess being unable to tell the difference comes from buying into stereotypes for too long , which incidentally is rampant in the comments below. Apparently everyone is quite convinced that the writer of the article is a white male, conservative, Christian and was 100% serious … and this conclusion is based on? Research? Nope. Facts? Nope. Oh yeah, a blanket generalization. How is that any less ignorant than finding your car broken into and assuming, “I bet it was some black, drop-out on welfare who needs money to buy crack!”?Stereotypes obviously exists because people perpetuate them (they’re oftentimes self-perpetuated, to be fair), but once you start believing them to be generally true across-the-board you turn into a bigot.Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making excuses for chauvinistic pigs. Anyone who actually subscribes to the ideas in the article above is a fool … I just don’t think comparing it to Christianity is a fair comparison. Not all Christians are complete loons like Fred Phelps and his ilk (although many like to simply clump them all together because it makes creating straw men easier).
Nonsy
November 19, 2010 at 6:10 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
“It’s so over-the-top sensationalized it seems like it should be obvious.” You… really haven’t been paying attention to conservatives and anti-feminists lately, have you?”I guess being unable to tell the difference comes from buying into stereotypes for too long , which incidentally is rampant in the comments below.” It comes from reading shit just like this from people who *mean* it, and saying “This is stuff people actually believe in other instances. Thus, it is not far-fetched to say that this person could very well believe what they are saying.” Assuming that someone means what they’re saying because other people have said and meant those same things is not stereotyping, because it has nothing to do with what demographic the author falls into. I specified satirical Christian blogs because I had encountered similar things in those to things Christians had said and meant, and the Christian part is relevant because they were arguing from a Christian viewpoint, as is common. I did go out of my way to specify *stupid* Christians.”Not all Christians are complete loons like Fred Phelps and his ilk (although many like to simply clump them all together because it makes creating straw men easier). ” No, but even when they aren’t like that they’re *usually* (see: Not always) supporting Christian institutions that oppose human rights, and they deserve a portion of the blame for that, the same way conservatives who claim they aren’t anti-gay but elect anti-gay candidates are responsible for the anti-gay legislation their representative supports.
Jadehawk
November 20, 2010 at 6:45 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
oh, good, I thought my eyes were having a seizure when I read that. but no, apparently they really wrote that, i’m not misreading it.
jadehawk
November 20, 2010 at 6:51 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
huh. on that note, why is she smoking in the first pic, but not in any of the other ones?smoking stopped being feminist sometime in the 30′s, methinks…
jadehawk
November 20, 2010 at 6:58 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I don’t think anyone is suggesting this is serious advice. but for it to not be anti-feminist, it would have to make fun of the men (it doesn’), rather than the women; this is just a “defrosting the icequeen” joke, not serious satire
Dennis Jernberg
November 20, 2010 at 7:36 AM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
Maxim. Ah, yes. One of those crude limey “lad mags” that managed to cross the Pond to appeal to cads here too. The likes of Maxim and FHM (and Mayfair over there) never fail to annoy me with their laddish sexism and yob worship. The print equivalent of those lame Guy Ritchie gangster movies and their way too many clones. I expected this kind of article to show up, of course. It gives Maxim’s readers (the lads/cads/etc.) the illusion that they’re men.Now, I spent about two decades of my life reading Playboy and Penthouse. Yes, the articles (though I enjoyed the pictures too, of course). Those two magazines were radical feminist in comparison to the lad mags. And Maxim don’t realize that the bikini girl on the right can be every bit as feminist as the butch type on the left. And lads, that bikini girl might just be playing you. Think.
Name?
November 20, 2010 at 7:50 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
this is “story” is patently offensive to me. it doesn’t surprise me in the least that it was posted though.since the economic decline, popular culture has drastically gone back into the throes of misogyny. slate once had an article up about why that is.their argument was something about salving the male ego in times to economic depression to reinvigorate the patriarchal buying power, or the like.still, as a writer and strong support of feminism, it saddens me to no end that pop culture can only conceive of a “right” woman being a kept one. sickening indeed.
crash bang thang
November 23, 2010 at 4:42 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
It is making fun of men. It is making fun of men’s attitudes and our cluelessness about what feminism is about.
Carlos Ribeiro Da Fonseca
December 1, 2010 at 6:32 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
“It’s so over-the-top sensationalized it seems like it should be obvious.”Also, it’s from Maxim…
Der Cat
August 21, 2011 at 4:29 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
What,I’m a gay-women and at stage two…wut…
Der Cat
August 21, 2011 at 5:02 PM (UTC -7) Link to this comment
I assume he meant that in the same way one says “My friend” or “My mother”.