There was a curious juxtapositioning of events yesterday morning.
When the Associated Press called Pennsylvania for Joe Biden at 11:25 am, Trump was on the golf course, no doubt cheating at the game as he is often accused of doing. He apparently was told the news while he was playing and he looked decidedly glum as his motorcade went back to the White House, accompanied by the jeers of people on the streets, extended middle fingers, and chants of “Lock him up!” He is playing playing golf again today, with protestors at the gates of the golf club. Maybe he will play every day until it is time for him to leave the White House. That would be a good thing because that means he won’t be doing any more damage.
Meanwhile in Philadelphia, things were even weirder. Trump’s personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani, accompanied by Trump’s second idiot son Eric and members of his legal team, were holding a press conference, for reasons that are not clear, in the back parking lot of a landscaping company, not the most impressive of backdrops.
And so it was that Giuliani was standing in front of a dozen or so Trump lawn signs taped to the garage door of a commercial landscaping company whose biggest clients include the Philadelphia International Airport and the Northeast Philadelphia Airport when he learned that the AP and all the networks had called the race for Joe Biden.
Here he is learning the news of Biden’s projected win from reporters.
Needless to say, Twitter went to town, as in this from comedian Patton Oswalt.
This is not over. For we shall mount our righteous stand at Four Seasons Total Landscaping. Next to Fantasy Island Adult Books. Across the street from the Delaware Valley Cremation Center. Between the fire extinguisher and yellow hose. #MAGA pic.twitter.com/hxuAsbEjXi
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) November 7, 2020
The Four Season Total Landscaping company that agreed to have the press conference on their premises is taking a beating on Yelp, with a bunch of one star ratings accompanied by comments such as this one.
Quality landscaping often requires fertilizer. The best natural fertilizer is bull shit. That’s why, with inventory running low, they invited the outgoing president to leave a steaming truckload of the freshest bullshit. I hope to avail my victory garden of the finest bullshit known to man. People are telling me it’s the best bullshit they’ve ever seen.
In a wild instance of the universe finally trying to make up for the measure of humor that has been stolen from us this year, on Saturday Rudy Giuliani gave a Very Important Press Conference at Philadelphia’s Four Seasons… Total Landscaping Company.
Some people have suggested that the president-deselect tweeted it out before making sure the Four Seasons was bookable, and then the broken, chain-smoking Trump staffer who is tasked with papering over reality to match whatever he blurts out had to scramble to find something to make it true. Others suggest that some hapless lackey called a Four Seasons without checking to make sure that it was the Four Seasons and some hilarious staffer saw the marketing opportunity of the millennium and went ahead and accepted the booking.
It doesn’t matter which is correct. This is a gift from our very best trickster gods at the top of their game, and we must simply accept it and clutch it to our hearts in joy that, by whatever miraculous path, Rudy Giuliani gave what he claimed was a press conference of crucial national importance in front of a landscaping company which was, in a painfully on-the-nose reflection of his recent career, tucked between a porn shop and a crematorium.
I don’t know why the company agreed to hold the conference on their grounds but even if they are big Trump supporters, I do not think it is nice to drive down the reputation of a legitimate business because of this decision. Yelp has temporarily suspended any new ratings.