The Trump book reports

Donald Trump is intellectually lazy, someone who cannot be bothered to learn enough about a topic to go beyond broad generalities. If you watched the debates, you will notice that in response to questions that involve detailed knowledge of specifics, he tends, like Sarah Palin, to wander all over the lot, spewing out a lot of words in run-on sentences that convey little.

After the last debate, Antonio French, running for mayor St. Louis, sent out the following Tweet: “Trump’s foreign policy answers sound like a book report from a teenager who hasn’t read the book. “Oh, the grapes! They had so much wrath!”

This immediately spawned a rush of other Trump book report Tweets under the hashtag #TrumpBookReport. Here are some that I enjoyed:

Macbeth. Tremendous king. Made Scotland great again. But those witches. Came in from Syria. Nasty women. Europe is a mess.

It was the worst of times and the worst of times, OK? The worst. A disaster.

Anne Frank. What a loser. And she got caught. I like refugees that weren’t caught. Okay?

There was much ado, believe me. So much ado. Many people are saying how much ado there was. And about what? Nothing!

NOBODY, I mean NOBODY, has more pride than me. And NOBODY has more prejudice. I have so much pride. And so much prejudice.

Sleeping Beauty? The Prince just started kissing her. Didn’t even ask. When you’re a prince they let you do it.

Les Miserables, of course they are miserable, the inner city is a mess folks, believe me. People stealing bread everywhere.

John 3:16 – Worst deal of all time. Total disaster. We need better salvation deals. Gave up his only begotten son. Sad!

To Kill a Mockingbird? Nobody kills Mockingbirds better than me. I will kill the families of Mockingbirds. Believe me.

I never touched Mona Lisa. Believe me, she would not be my first choice. Don’t know what da Vinci saw in her. Stupid smile.

Juliet. Such a nasty woman. She made Romeo kill himself. And believe me he could have done better. Look at her.

We’re gonna catch so much rye, you won’t believe it. We’re bringing those rye catching jobs to America.

You can read the rapidly growing list here.


  1. sonofrojblake says

    I’d have thought he’d have gone for Juliet. Not yet, obviously, what with her being only thirteen and stuff, but he’d definitely have commented now on how he was going to go for her in a few years…

    “We’re gonna build a wall around Mordor. A big, beautiful, beautiful wall. And Sauron is gonna pay for it.”

  2. Smokey says

    About that Prince “kissing” Sleeping Beauty. There was no kissing in the original fairy tale. More like groping+. She later gives birth to 2 children while still asleep. One of the children then wakes her up.

    A Trump fairy tale. “Groped” while sleeping and no possibility of abortion.

  3. quotetheunquote says

    “There was this whale, right? And it was YUUUUUGE, let me tell you. And these guys went off in a ship to hunt it, but they all got killed -- well, all except this guy “Ismael” but what kind of name is that? Let me tell you, he tries to get into this country, he’s going back!”

  4. moarscienceplz says

    “This Usher guy -- total loser. When I build a house, it won’t fall. Go bankrupt, maybe, but no falling.”

  5. KG says

    “Moby dick? Who’s got a moby dick? Nothing wrong in that department, believe me!”

    “Lolita? Such a slut! Humbert Humbert shoulda sued that Nabakov guy. What kind of a name is Nabakov, anyway? Sounds like an illegal to me.”

  6. KG says

    “Richard III? What a loser -- tried to give his kingdom to a horse! And what happened to Richard, and Richard II? Can’t even find them on Rotten Tomatoes. This Shakespeare guy knows nothing about marketing.”

  7. KG says


    The joke’s on me here -- he would have found Shakespeare’s Richard II, of course! But the continuity is terrible -- doesn’t even seem like that Richard is the same guy -- total wimp, and where’s his hump?

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