God clearly needs a better plan

Marco Rubio thinks that the events of 9/11 and the Paris massacre were all part of god’s plan.

Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio spoke about seeking God’s guidance, arguing that the deadly terrorist attacks in Paris last month and in the United States on Sept. 11, 2001, were both part of God’s mysterious plan for the universe.

Florida Sen. Rubio, who is third place in the Real Clear Politics average of national Republican nomination polls, spoke at a campaign rally last Monday in Iowa and was asked by an audience member if he seeks God’s guidance when weighing big political and personal decisions.

“You doubt your faith when you are confronted with a challenge or problem and you start to have deep anxiety about it. We are biblically ordered not to be afraid,” Rubio said. You know why? Because God is telling us that no matter what happens, ‘It is part of my plan. I will give you the strength to endure it whether you like it or not.'”

The problem with this kind of lazy thinking is that god’s planning abilities seem to be lousy. Any executives who created chaotic situations that harmed many people and then told people that they wanted it that way whether the people liked it or not would get fired, unless they are Wall Street bankers in which case they get a bonus.

Rubio then went on to say “I oftentimes worry about things, whatever it might be, even silly things like my zipper broke on my pants the other day and I was really upset like, ‘How am I going to speak with an open zipper?'”

Rubio may want to avoid anecdotes about his zipper, given that his Florida rival Jeb Bush is trying to use his supposed ‘zipper problem’ against him.


  1. says

    t god’s planning abilities seem to be lousy

    Why would god need to plan? Presumably he poofed things into being the way he wanted them, otherwise he’s just doing all this to jerk people around. Which, as Epicurus pointed out, is one of two possible explanations.

    God also wanted Marco Rubio to be a credulous political hack. Mission accomplished, god!

  2. Jockaira says

    ‘How am I going to speak with an open zipper?

    If you put your pants on backwards, it’s easier to pull pearls of wisdom out of your ass.

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