Fat Christians are a lie!

How can our news media get the story so completely backwards? MSNBC is reporting a correlation between religiosity and obesity, which simply can’t be true. Aside from the difficulties of going from a correlation between two complex phenemona to an assumption of causality, we have it from an unimpeachable, objective source that the opposite is true.

That paragon of scienciness, Conservapædia, has been arguing that atheism leads to obesity, and for proof, they have photos of grossly pig-like PZ Myers contrasted with slim, muscular Christian Chuck Norris. This is, of course, also evidence for their claim that “excess weight impairs brain function.”

PS. As many of you already know, the word “conservapedia” is a filtered term here, because way, way back, the Schlafly consortium had their crack team of home-schooled kiddies spamming us with spammy links to get their page ranking up. I strongly recommend that any mention of them be spelled “conservapædia”, because they also really, really hate those effete European spellings.

You add +10 to your saving throw against nuclear bombs!

I think I read this in a Dungeons & Dragons manual. It’s a magic spell called Agnihotra that puts a shell around you to resist nuclear fallout when an atom bomb goes off, only in this case, it’s real…well, as real as the delusions of a freaky Hindu mystic can make it, which isn’t very. But at least it’s illustrated and explained!

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When a nuclear device is detonated, it gives rise to raja-tama predominant vibrations of the Absolute Cosmic Fire element. Discordant subtle sounds accompany these frequencies. These subtle sounds have a subtle harmful effect on the mind and intellect of the people in the vicinity of the nuclear attack. It can range from depression, to negative thoughts, to fogging up of the intellect.

When the ritual of Agnihotra is performed, it gives rise to sattva predominant vibrations of the Absolute Cosmic Fire element. The fire created from Agnihotra disintegrates the raja-tama particles and therefore purifies the environment at a spiritual level. It also creates a subtle protective sheath around the person performing the ritual. This sheath is highly sensitive to anything related to the Absolute Cosmic Fire element and from the subtle dimension this sheath looks reddish.

The raja-tama predominant Absolute Cosmic Fire particles (emanating from a nuclear device detonating) strike in a very harsh and callous manner. The protective sheath intuitively knows in advance when they are coming near it and as a reflex action it sends the Absolute Cosmic Fire frequencies from within it towards the raja-tama predominant particles with tremendous force. This destroys the raja-tama predominant Absolute Cosmic Fire particles which give rise to the sound frequencies. As a result, the destructive Absolute Cosmic Fire from the detonated nuclear device loses its power.

I think the author has only recently discovered the word “subtle”, and kind of likes it even if he isn’t 100% clear on what it means. This is also the first time I’ve heard that one of the serious effects of fallout is that it emits sounds that make you depressed.

In addition to subtle diagrams, there are subtle tables that tell you the degree and duration of your protection depending on your spiritual level (see, I told you! It’s D&D!) It doesn’t, however, tell you how they determined the degree of protection from fallout that you get — they must have sent teams of mages into radiation filled chambers to get the LD50. It is also unfortunately missing the specification of the material components required to cast the spell; you probably need to pay up some cash to get all the details. But who wouldn’t want to make sattva vibrations to zap the raja-tama particles?

I get email

I do get strange complaints sometimes.

Dear Mr Myers,

My fathers name was Helmut Max Karl Ritter.

However, in Australia, due to people’s inability to pronounce his name correctly, he suggested that they call him Tom, Dick or Harry. Henceforth, they decided to call him ‘Tom Ritter’.

I take sincere umbrage at your rants against a Thomas Ritter, and the fact that you call him Tom Ritter and therefore everyone else that responds to your comments, calls him Tom Ritter.

If I do a search for the name Tom Ritter I do not expect or appreciate finding such vitriol as yours (http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2011/01/tom_ritter_has_figured_out_the.php)

Please remove such offensive materials as I find it completely inappropriate and deeply disturbing, and in essence, it is a disservice to my father’s name and his history. If you do not wish to remove it, at least rename it appropriately as it is ‘supposedly’ about Thomas Ritter, which would have nothing to do with my father

Kind regards,
[Name removed] (daughter of Helmut (known as Tom) Ritter).

So her father, Helmut “Tom” Ritter, is an Australian. The crazy Tom Ritter I wrote about is a creationist school teacher in Pennsylvania. There is no connection other than the similar name.

I suggest that she instead write to the wacky school teacher and point out that his antics are bringing dishonor to the distinguished name of Ritter, and leave me out of it. I’m busy. I’ve got to write letters to the Herbalife con artist Paul Myers, the Canadian songwriter Paul Myers, the British graphic designer Paul Myers, and the Texas Attorney Paul Myers and convince them all to change their names.

I’m going to suggest that they change it to “Tom Ritter”.

All right, I want to go to FogCon for just one thing

There’s a science fiction convention going on in San Francisco this weekend, and I wish I could attend for this one reading:

Fritz Leiber will be reading from his recently completed work, as well as answering audience questions.

Leiber is one of my all-time favorite authors, which is one reason to attend, but another is this little fact.

Yes, the rest of the con looks good, too.

Sex on a skateboard!

There is a virtue to Christian prudes. They make me aware of ideas I might otherwise have missed. Conservative evangelical groups in the UK are whining about sex ed books that are too ‘explicit’ for their taste.

Children as young as five are being shown “explicit” images to teach them about sex, an evangelical Christian pressure group has claimed.

The Christian Institute has complained that at least 10 books or teaching packs used in English primary schools for lessons on sex and relationships, contain images or descriptions that are “obviously unsuitable”.

Its report, Too Much, Too Young, criticises, among others, a BBC teaching pack for its images of a nude man and woman and the children’s book Mummy Laid an Egg, by Babette Cole, for its child-like drawings of a man and woman having sex on a skateboard and wearing red noses. The book won British Illustrated Children’s Book of the Year.

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Wait…sex, on a skateboard? I have never tried that, but it looks like great fun. I suspect that I’m not supple enough or coordinated enough to try it, though, but I could probably manage the sex while wearing red noses (not shown), however. I’m a little embarrassed that at my advanced age I can still get sex tips from a children’s book.

So thank you, Christianity! Once again, you lead by negative example. If you want more hilarity, though, check out the Amazon reviews.

I was disgusted when I read this book! One could very easily pick this up and start reading it to a child or a child pick it up and start looking at the pictures because the illustrations at the beginning of the book appear to be very innocent and cute!

A few pages into the book, one discovers very graphic and detailed crayon drawings of anatomically correct males and females and how their parts fit together and even positions in which they can fit together. This book should be snatched from all library and bookstore shelves. It’s intent could be nothing more than to … children’s innocent minds. I believe in … education for children, but this is going a little too far

This book written to explain reproduction to little children states that mothers have eggs in their belly buttons and daddy’s have seeds in sacks. It also has silly illustrations of people copulating on skate boards, bouncy balls, and wearing clown hats. I would not recommend this book on any level.

With reviews like that, it’s going straight onto my wishlist.