Here’s a useful formula devised by Jessa to evaluate creationist hate mail, called the Creationist Rant Absurdity Phenomenon Index:

CRAP Index = M + 10(µ + Ω + I) + 10^{(F + σ + ρ)} + (H)(1.0 x 10⁶)

Where:
M = number of words in all capitals
µ = number of misspelled words
Ω = number of superfluous quotes around words or phrases
I = number of exclamation points
F = number of factually incorrect statements
σ = number of times the words “Darwinist,” “evolutionist,” etc. are used (double points for “evilutionist”)
ρ = number of insults
H = number of statements that the recipient is going to/will burn in/will rot in Hell

Somebody needs to code up a mail plug-in that will automatically score incoming mail for me…although I fear that F, σ, and ρ are probably difficult for software to recognize at this point. I also think there ought to be extra points for sequential exclamation points. Maybe we need a simplified index that is machine-calcuable.

Here are a few ideas. Myself, I don’t have a “Mohammed”, but I have decided to call any trip to the bathroom a Hajj.

Those cats are just everywhere — now lolcats can has science. Even worse, it’s dominated by geology LOLcats. Geologists are too abrasive and intrusive to have a sense of humor, and it takes ages for them to tell a joke.

I do have something to say to physics cat, though.

Here, kitty kitty. I have a box, a geiger counter, and some cyanide for you.

Hank Fox sent me the link to this lovely little ditty. I don’t know why he didn’t forward it to Bill O’Reilly or Bill Donohue.

I hope you have headphones if you try to listen to this in a public place. And do try to avoid singing along.

On that appeal to you sentimental bastards, let me mention another thing: a webblogger in this holiday season in difficult straits. It’s going to get uglier still in the future, I suspect, since this collapsing housing bubble is going to hurt a lot of people in real estate, finance, property management, etc. Kevin Hayden of the American Street is in that position — if anyone can help him out, please do.

For the War on Christmas.

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If you’ve ever seen John Edward or James van Praagh, or any of a thousand other idiot spirit mediums, you’ll know how conversations sound in the afterlife. Death is apparently a leading cause of brain damage.