Tragically, we’re going to have to nuke Florida


There is something deeply, deeply wrong with the culture there, and it needs to be defeated.

In world war two, we did not negotiate a surrender with the Nazis. We did not negotiate a surrender with the Japanese. We nuked the Japanese twice in order to get unconditional surrender, he says. That needs to be the same here. There is something deeply, deeply wrong with this culture, and it needs to be defeated.

That’s GOP Rep. Randy Fine making a suggestion for a final solution of the Palestinian problem — just murder everyone in Gaza. They’re evil, don’t you know, every single one of them.

Judging his state on the basis of Randy Fine, Ron DeSantis, and Marco Rubio, I’m forced to conclude that we need to nuke them all until it sinks into the sea. I know it isn’t very humanist of me, but I’m defining “Floridian” as a word meaning “goblinoid,” and they’re fair game.

Can we wait a few days, though? I just ordered some black widows from a Florida company.

Also wait until Trump is vacationing in Mar-A-Lago. He’s frequently there, you won’t have to wait long.

Comments

  1. gedjcj says

    Unfortunately, given Trump, Vance, Hegseth, Miller, et. al., your argument applies to the whole country. I still had a few things I wanted to do, but we all have to make sacrifices for the greater good.

  2. birgerjohansson says

    PZ, you just have to go full Death Note.
    I don’t even think you need to learn Japanese writing, the Death God should be comfortable with any language.
    And don’t waste time on all the morality hand-wringing the Japanese dude is doing. If someone wants poor people to suffer more, it is time to sing “I’ve got a little list”.

  3. Hemidactylus says

    Randy Fine has been a well known piece of shit for quite a while:
    https://www.orlandosentinel.com/2019/04/16/jewish-constituent-targeted-by-state-rep-randy-fines-judenrat-comment-calls-for-apology/

    The Jewish Facebook commenter who was called a “Judenrat” by state Rep. Randy Fine earlier this month said the lawmaker “owes his constituents an apology for going down to that level of discourse.”

    As first reported by the Orlando Sentinel, Fine, R-Palm Bay, who is Jewish, twice called Paul Halpern a “Judenrat” in comments under an April 4 post on Facebook because Halpern defended an event to discuss the Israeli-Palestinian situation.

    The term has been used to refer either to Jews who collaborated with Nazis in concentration camps or were at the very least leaders of Nazi-mandated councils in Jewish ghettos during World War II.

    Desantis and Fine have been at odds more recently:
    https://www.politico.com/news/2025/04/02/desantis-fine-florida-election-underperformance-00266106

    MAGA are a fractious bunch.

    If you get rid of Florida there’s still Texas and that white power state Idaho.

    No bus needed. I’d opt to stick around as Jacqui did at the CDC in Season 1 of The Walking Dead. Avoid the fascist zombie apocalypse the rest of you will still suffer.

  4. Hemidactylus says

    Desantis wants to nuke local city and county government services by eliminating property taxes. I think that’s his revenge arc for local governments not bowing before him during COVID with their mask mandates and other measures. He is a vindictive scumbag. Little Napoleon.

    Members of the Florida legislature have been pushing back on the elevated heel white rain boot wearing dictator. There is also some serious controversy over whether state settlement money got diverted to his wife’s charity. She is as much a piece of garbage as he is and may try extending their stay in Tallahassee by making a run at being governor herself.

    https://www.tallahassee.com/story/news/politics/2025/05/21/hope-florida-florida-state-attorney-investigation-casey-desantis-program/83764913007/

    However, House lawmakers accused the Hope Florida Foundation, the fundraising arm of the program, of illegally funneling part of a $67 million Medicaid contractor settlement to a political committee controlled by the governor’s then-chief of staff to help defeat a 2024 constitutional amendment to legalize recreational marijuana.

    Hmmm…what was Rick Scott infamous for before becoming governor?

  5. direlobo says

    Uh, my mom lives in Florida and she hasn’t voted for a Republican in her life. She’s 82, and she’s not alone. She and her friends despise T and his ilk, but they like the warm weather. So, yeah, bad idea.

  6. Hemidactylus says

    Oh and: https://www.tampabay.com/news/florida-politics/2025/05/21/desantis-hope-investigation-casey-campbell-medicaid-uthmeier/

    Over the past two months, Andrade and news reporters have been digging into the DeSantis administration’s decision to steer $10 million from a settlement with a Medicaid contractor to the Hope Florida Foundation.

    The foundation, within days, gave it away to two nonprofits, which then sent at least $8.5 million to a political committee controlled by DeSantis’ then-chief of staff, James Uthmeier. The committee was created to defeat last year’s ballot initiative legalizing recreational marijuana.

    I’m not sure if it was Hope Florida getting its hands on that money or what it was allegedly used for that’s the thing that could become a monkeywrench in Desantis 2.0.

    It has made this session more interesting.

  7. Hemidactylus says

    larpar @9
    The Bugs Bunny solution is brutal and funny but unrealistic. Climate denialism will slowly sink us instead. Florida has been more underwater and far less underwater than it is now.

    The coming rise in sea level will affect whiny ass rich people with their beachside homes first, the ones we continually waste beach renourishment sand on which I assume comes ironically from inland ancient dunes from when we were more submerged in the distant past.

    Here’s my sympathy card borrowed from Maynard James Keenan:

    I’ve a suggestion to keep you all occupied
    Learn to swim, learn to swim, learn to swim
    ‘Cause Mom’s gonna fix it all soon
    Mom’s comin’ ’round to put it back the way it ought to be

    Learn to swim, learn to swim
    Learn to swim, learn to swim
    Learn to swim, learn to swim
    Learn to swim, learn to swim

    Besides I will eventually have beachside property. Maybe not in my lifetime.

    At some point in the distant past the Bugs Bunny thing was reality:
    https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gulf_Trough

  8. annattheft says

    Only this afternoon while at a playground here in Orlando with my grandkids, I tried to assure a recent transplant parent that this part of Florida is an island of blue sanity. She did say she’d noticed Pride and BLM signs/flags all over the place. The Orlando International Fringe Festival is about to begin its second week for this year. Fringe is the event that triggered Ron DeSantis (who has never attended any fringe festival as far as I know) to cancel ALL arts funding from the state of Florida. But we do have a, uh, variety of opinions even here; last week I met a guy intrigued by me reading the paper during dinner out. Turns out he’s a wrestling coach himself, and thinks Jim Jordan is a breath of fresh air. Sigh.

  9. Pierce R. Butler says

    DeSantis and Fine loathe each other.

    In this only, both have it right.

  10. Hemidactylus says

    annattheft @15
    At least part of your area can brag about Maxwell Frost who I think succeeded Val Demings. She and her husband were cops, but they seemed ok to me.

    Frost:

  11. seversky says

    Can’t we just wait for the sea level to rise due to global warming? “And as we watch Florida sink slowly in the West we say farewell to the highest concentration of MAGAts ever seen festering in one place.”

  12. StevoR says

    Randy Fine really isn’t as Owen Jones explains here –
    This Genocidal Psycho Just Got Elected To US Congress: “May The Streets of Gaza Overflow With Blood”
    (Ten minutes long.)

    As Netanyahu enacts the actually genocidal ethnic cleansing Trump plan for Gaza; I wonder how the Abandon Biden / Harris movement folks are feeling as well as those unethical, self-destructive, counter-productive evil people who helped put Far Worse Genocide Don in power by attacking and undermining the ONLY alternative to his Fascism..

    I wonder how those worthless Trump enablers Jill Stein & Cornell West are feeling now along with the Arab-Americans who thought that defeating a woman of colour who said the scenes of carnage in Gaza were “heart-breaking” to put Trump, Randy Fine and their like in power instead – as Netanyahu Smotrich & Ben-Gvir wanted – wa ssomnehow going tobe a good thingand worth it..

    Theycan’t sdya they ween’;t warned and after Stein helping put Trumnp inpower in 2016 and Nader costing us the Gore presidnecy that most Amercians actually voted for in 2000 theycan’t sday they coukldnb’t or shouldn’t have knbown. I hate feeliong like the mythical Cassandra her ebt here we are.

  13. Hemidactylus says

    Florida isn’t even the worst state.
    https://usafacts.org/articles/how-red-or-blue-is-your-state/
    See “Margin of victory in presidential elections, colored by margin size and party” for synchronic and diachronic perspectives.

    There are multiple states much worse than us and we only recently dipped more red as Desantis used his “freedom” rhetoric to attract MAGAt loons from other states.

    Surely one can find loons as unhinged as Fine in other states.

  14. StevoR says

    @ ^ Posted too soon – Typos fix & expansion :

    They can’t say they weren’t warned and after Stein helping put Trump in power in 2016 and Nader costing us the Gore Presidency that most Americans actually voted for in 2000 they also can’t say they couldn’t or shouldn’t have known. I hate feeling like the mythical nevre -believed always right Prophet Cassandra here but here we are.

    We have Trump in charge rather than Kamala and the toxic lie that the two parties are equally bad can be considered permanently debunked and demolished. There was a Fascist party and a non-Fascist party and there used to be free and fair democratic elections, the rule of Law and the USA as we’d known it. Before November last year or maybe January this one.

    Before long thanks to trump and Netanyhau and their regimes, Gaza will be gone and we all know that we’ll also be seeing the annexation of the West bank too and very probly war with Iran coming up soon as well

    As some of us did say when the choices of Bad vs Far Exponentially Astronomically Worse were being offered & discussed and chosen. Hate being proven so right here.

  15. John Watts says

    If we wait for the ice sheets to melt and watch as Florida slowly sinks beneath the waves, we’ll be confronted by a slow, but steady out-migration of MAGAts to other states. They may be happy to move to SC and AL but, then again, they may come to a street near you. They may be stupid fucks, but they aren’t suicidal fucks. They’re going to go someplace, that’s for certain. So, yeah, maybe nuking FL is the only rational approach.

  16. annattheft says

    Calls to my Senators Scott and Moody go to voicemail. Email responses from them are often off-topic, and when on topic are assurances that they’re going to do the opposite of what I ask.
    People answer the phone at my congressperson Maxwell Frost and his office’s email responses are on topic and prompt, albeit not personalized. So far I’ve only been telling Frost good job …keep up the good work … add a favorable comment to the tally when trying to persuade your colleagues.

  17. birgerjohansson says

    Rick Scott and the current guy with white boots. If we can identify the pheromone in Florida that attracts the worst assholes we could use it for pest control.

  18. annattheft says

    Also, note that Orlando is 89’ above sea level, so we’re not that worried about sea level rise itself. It’s the eaves and the storm surge when our barrier islands submerge. even now though, the little oxygen concession stands near Walt Disney World are gangbusters.

  19. Larry says

    fishy@19

    rump still wants to nuke hurricanes.
    I have no proof of this.

    How very republican of you.

  20. says

    PZ, I suspect it is intentional that your article defines not only the corrupt, genocidal evil intent in floridumb, but this entire death spiraling country. I’m a little concerned, because, while we agree with all you are writing here, the magat cult would consider it treasonous and if you are a ‘big enough fish’, they will deport you to south sudan in a heartbeat with no questions asked.

    This entire country is an out of control corrupt, lawless, christo-fascist plutocracy. Those billionaires running this country are as massively stupid as they are massively malevolent. Here is one clear example of how shitified (that is too a word) floridumb is:

    http://www.smirkingchimp.com/thread/steven-harper/113916/laura-loomer-trump-whisperer
    Laura Loomer: Trump Whisperer
    by Steven Harper | May 23, 2025
    Laura Loomer is 31 years old and a graduate of Barry University, a private Catholic university. A former commentator on Alex Jones’s Infowars and a far-right conspiracy theorist, she has 1.5 million followers on X. Loomer traffics in anti-Muslim and anti-immigrant rhetoric. She has called herself a “proud Islamophobe” and “pro-white nationalism.” And she has U.S. President Donald Trump’s ear.

  21. says

    @33 StevoR, thanks for the link. While to soon to be true, that idea of nuking hurricanes seems to be the result of the magat admin. war on science.

  22. StevoR says

    I try hard to fight despair & defeatism .. Those lead nowhere useful or good but these days it is fucking hard looking around at world and trends.

    Always remember lot of good and intelligent people out there fighting still.

    Try to be among their number. Think & be kind.

  23. fishy says

    @32
    Is there a French word for something you understand in your bones, but it won’t become real until it actually happens.

  24. beholder says

    @19, 32, 33, 35

    People asking about nuking hurricanes has been a perennial meme for much longer than the Trump admin has been around. The NHC has been having to answer those questions as long as there’s been e-mail, and probably in paper form longer ago than that.

  25. gijoel says

    Yeah,I’m sure all those Israelis living next to Gaza will just love their gamma ray sun tans. Is he going to nuke Palestinian territory according to the 1947 partition? Because there are a lot of Israelis living in most of those areas now.

  26. Jim Brady says

    You will need Texas as well. But take Florida and Texas out, and the Arsehole Party will be in the minority in both houses, and will never have a chance of winning the Presidency. It would be enough.

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