What fathers are supposed to share with their sons


Bryan Johnson, that weirdo millionaire who wants turn aging backwards, taking megadoses of supplements and transfusing himself with blood from his son, has another game he plays with his kids: plethysmography! Every night they strap a measuring device on to their penises, and then the next morning they compare the frequency and duration of their erections.

So far, the kid is winning.

How many of you would make this effort for your kids? And still aren’t in prison?

Comments

  1. rorschach says

    Look, it’s science right? Right? I do have to say, 6 erections a night, no wonder I wake up tired most mornings. What’s the biological thing with that anyway?

  2. says

    Even by lonely-irrelevant-crank standards, this guy is just a useless creep. If any non-famous-millionaire admitted to playing this sort of “game” with his kids, he’d be tarred as a pedo and put on a sex-offender registry, AT LEAST.

    Is anyone taking this wanker seriously? If so, WHY?

  3. birgerjohansson says

    He is obviously gone bye-bye reality. Time to call in child services. Not that authorities will dare do their job.

  4. larpar says

    What is it about the Johnsons?
    Mike Johnson (Speaker of the House) has an app he shares with his son that informs the other when one of them are viewing porn.
    I don’t know which Johnson is worse. (It’s Mike, but that’s beside the point.)

  5. robro says

    That is really very creepy, particularly with the intro line “Raise children to stand tall, be firm and be upright”. And I have the clear impression that Bryan has no idea how creepy he’s being to do this in the first place much more to be publishing it. Jeez.

  6. says

    Yeah, another rich person turns out to be a clueless idiot with no effing idea how real people function in the real world outside the bubble-verse he’s bought for himself and his kids. This is what we get when we worship rich people as paragons of bravery and virtue.

  7. torcuato says

    Sorry to burst everyone’s outrage bubble, but there’s no “child” anywhere in this story. Bryan Johnson’s son is a 19-year old adult man. There’s no evidence anywhere that his father is publishing this story against his will, or that he is being abused in any way.
    “Call in child services”? Haaaa ha!
    Creepy? Well, creepy is in the eye of the beholder.

  8. oddie says

    19 year olds are still children. They maybe legally considered adults but they are still teenagers. Also the dude is literally a vampire feeding off his own kid. It’s exploitative and gross.

  9. seachange says

    #1 @ Reginald Selkirk
    Every sperm is sacred
    Every sperm is great
    If a sperm is wasted
    God gets quite irate
    -Jaquemin & Howard/Palin & Jones

    @strewth #3
    So darlin’, put your goggles on,
    And up-up-and-away we’ll fly!
    In a big ginormous airplane,
    In a big ginormous airplane,
    In a big ginormous airplane,
    In the sky!
    -Provenmire, Marsh, Olson, and Culross Jr.

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