You say you want to go to heaven, but you’ve got all this money. You don’t know how to squeeze your camel through the eye of a needle…but have no fear! Just slather that camel in crypto and it’ll slide right on through, and the Lord won’t even notice! Just ask Eli and Kaitlyn Regalado.
A Colorado pastor who is charged with stealing more than $1m from his Christian community in a cryptocurrency scheme has admitted to the fraud but argued that God instructed him to carry it out.
Eli Regalado and his wife, Kaitlyn, are charged with creating and selling their cryptocurrency, known as “INDXcoin”, to Christians based in their home town of Denver, Colorado, allegedly telling would-be investors that the Lord had told him people would become rich if they invested, the state’s division of securities announced in a press release on Thursday.
But INDXcoin was “practically worthless” in reality, prosecutors said in the statement. Investors lost millions of dollars while the Regalados used their investments for lavish living.
They are quite brazen about it all, and Eli admits that he stole over a million dollars.
In a video statement about the charges, Eli admitted that the couple had squandered $1.3m that was raised through cryptocurrency.
“The charges are that me and Kaitlyn pocketed $1.3m,” Regalado said in the video published to INDXcoin’s website on Friday. “I just wanted to come out and say those charges are true.”
Regalado added: “A few hundred thousand dollars went to a home remodel the Lord told us to do.
“We took God at his word and sold a cryptocurrency with no clear exit.”
Regalado added that the couple still believes that God will “work a miracle in the financial sector”.
God told them to profit from a cryptocurrency scheme. God further specifically told them to spend the money on a home remodel, and jewelry, and an au pair, and of course, to spend lots of money on their church, which doesn’t actually exist.
The Regalados also pocketed at least $290,000 for their online-only church, Victorious Grace church, despite there being no physical location for it, BusinessDen reported.
They do send a little resentful that they “took God at his word.”
About nine months ago, Mr. Regalado said, the undertaking “started falling apart,” adding that he didn’t know what he was doing.
“One of two things have happened,” Mr. Regalado said, “One: Either I misheard God and every one of you who prayed and came in, you as well, or two: God is still not done with this project and he’s going to do a new thing.”
Also, it wasn’t his fault. God made him do it.
“I said: Lord, I don’t want to do this. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t have any experience in this industry,” said Eli. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t want to be caught up in something.”
God and crypto sure do work in mysterious ways. It always amazes me how anyone falls for either of them.
Flip Wilson comes to mind: “The devil made me do it!”
Finally. “You know, just once I’d like to hear a player say, ‘Yeah, we were in the game, until Jesus made me fumble. He hates our team’.”
God does have a plan for him.
God is in charge and everything happens for a reason.
God’s plan for him now is that he get convicted for fraud and sentenced to prison for a year or two.
The problem with listening to gods for advice is, you can never be sure which of them is talking to you.
Human history teaches us that there’s a damn lot of them and quite a few of them seem to have a rather nasty sense of humour.
How does that differ from all the other cryptocurrencies.
I do know that some of them have nominal market values that fluctuate wildly.
Bitcoin is 39,938.30 USD +58.10 (0.15%) today.
I’m not sure though why they have any value.
@ raven, # 5: It has value because (some) people believe it has value. Kind of like the “Stanley Cup” travel mugs, except it’s not real.
He will go to prison for a year or two and start a kkkhristain mission that will help him on the rubber chicken circuit when he gets out and move into the big leagues.
I really want to know just how specific the Lord was in his instructions regarding the home remodel. Did He pick out the colours? Approve the designs? Select the countertops and fittings?
Crytpo truly is the gift that keeps on giving! The gift of laugher, that is…
If you would like to witness this amazing testimony, Molly White has a 2:40 supercut of the best bits here.
I have seen many stories over the years about crypto scams, hacked and stolen crypto wallets, and failed crypto schemes. There is much fraud involved in this whole crypto phenomena. You would think people would notice and be wary of this stuff. But the gullible Christians don’t seem to have noticed the troubling side of crypto. The only sure way to make money on crypto is to own a vast, large scale crypto farm.
No,that’s not even close to a sure way to make money. Lots of miners (including some of the biggest) went bankrupt in 2022. That sort of hardware is very expensive, costs a lot to run, and has a very limited effective lifespan.
You can possibly find a greasy camel over here:
https://opensea.io/collection/the-camel-club-nft
It’s not the wealth that keeps you out of heaven. It’s what you did to obtain the wealth.
Odd how “god” always speaks to these morons and tells them exactly what they want to hear. Almost as if …
If you listen to Nyarlahotep you are lucky if prison is the worst thing to happen to you.
I hear Christians saying the Devil’s greatest trick is convincing everyone he doesn’t exist. I really don’t agree. My considered opinion is that if the Devil exists, as described by the Abrahamic faiths, his greatest trick is convincing so many Christians, of nearly all denominations throughout history, to think and act completely contrary to the teachings of Jesus, and still believe they’re good Christians, even when those teachings are published everywhere for all to see. I can easily imagine them dying, going to the gates of Heaven, and seeing Jesus greeting them there — only to scream in horror and despair when he rips off the Jesus mask and laughs at their reaction as they fall back down to the…other place.
Heh. Les han regalado dinero.
The credulity of people towards religious scammers has always bemused me.
One would imagine they’d clue up at some point, but no.
I was told in Sunday School yonks ago, that a “needle” was a roughly human size and shape hole in a city wall that let people pass through so they didn’t have to walk to the main gate. It was easily blocked or guarded to keep intruders out. Theoretically, a camel could pass through a large one, shuffling on it’s knees.
I was told in Sunday School yonks ago, that a “needle” was a roughly human size and shape hole in a city wall that let people pass through so they didn’t have to walk to the main gate. It was easily blocked or guarded to keep intruders out. Theoretically, a camel could pass through a large one, shuffling on it’s knees.
Why don’t my comments post?
One thing that seldom comes up in the crypto discussion is that crypto traders treat it as though it was tax free income. Why else have a volatile no traceable commodity? And if you were in the game early mining the stuff it was the ultimate “buy low, sell high” with a basis cost of $0.
I know a fellow who was mining bitcoin back when they were $9, who liquidated his wallet for around $12mn and never paid a cent in taxes. In fact the money was used to underwrite a retail venture that got bought out for a whole lot of money. As my accountant used to say, “a penny earned tax-free is worth two tax-loaded cents”. The tax avoidance aspect is particularly important for crypto-bros who live in parts of the world where taxes are higher and/or the government has tighter control over the movement of money. The whole point of bitcoin is that it’s money that the government cannot regulate and by “regulate” they mean “tax.”
PS – god hates taxes.
Ah yes, nuclear power. Saw a story about that in the UK.
https://www.theguardian.com/business/2024/jan/23/hinkley-point-c-could-be-delayed-to-2031-and-cost-up-to-35bn-says-edf
John Morales @ #16 — Fear of death is rife, the promise of eternity mesmerizing.
[ack! #19 was supposed to be on the Endless Thread, sorry]
“God told me to rob that 7-Eleven.”
“God told me to steal that jet.”
“God told me to commit tax evasion.”
Actually thinking about it, I’m surprised god hasn’t told Kent Hovind to start a cryptocurrency. This kind of grift would be right up his alley.
God works in mysterious ways. So does crypto. God is empowered by faith. So is crypto. What other similarities?
Raging Bee 15:
You critique a quote by Chesterton. I do the same, in this fable:
Not Mean Underfable
Once upon a time two mighty nations laid waste to the land in pursuit of wealth. The forests fell, and Mother Earth cried out, “Who will rid me of these pests?”
The Devil said, “At your service, milady.” So the Devil visited the King of the Trogs, and he whispered, “I do not exist here, in you; but I do exist over there, in them.” Then the Devil visited the Elf Mage, and he whispered the exact same thing.
A mere millennium later, the forests grew tall, but not one single Trog or Elf remained.
Moral: It’s always the other guy’s fault.
Comment: The Devil claims that he does not exist right here, in you; but that he does exist over there, in them. This completes and corrects a witticism by Chesterton.
Sorry about the red print. I couldn’t fix it.
[Nathaniel, the <code> tag is monospaced but shows up in red on this platform]
Translation: “Either you have to admit that you can’t hear god any better than I can, or you should give me more money”
This has been going on as far back as I remember.
OTOH, this is small beer, comparatively.
cf. Kenneth Copeland
And I remember this one:
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2018/05/29/televangelist-wants-new-jet/653202002/
PS I did wait… https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Camel%20Grease
@29
aka camel toe jam
People are still dying of Covid and there is an ongoing genocide happening in Gaza, but his god is more interested in making sure he gets a shiplap accent wall in his open concept kitchen.
It’s camel… something. Probably not grease.
@18 But Jesus loves them!
Mark 12:17 Jesus said to them, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” And they marveled at him.
Whyyyyy would the Regalados go against Jesus’s teachings? /s
@17 The US federal government does in fact tax cryptocurrency now. There is actually a spot for it on the US federal tax return. Considering how traceable cryptocurrency is, people are almost certainly better off declaring it than not. Tax evasion has lengthy prison sentences in the US.
@9 Jesus/God is frequently referred to as a shepherd and Christians as his flock. Is it because they act like sheep or because they are so easily fleeced?
“@9 Jesus/God is frequently referred to as a shepherd and Christians as his flock.”
Um, and in Spanish, ‘pastor’ literally means ‘shepherd’.
“Is it because they act like sheep or because they are so easily fleeced?”
Ah, if only being fleeced was the worst of it.
Sheep:
John @29: Did you order the “Camel Grease Mug” they were advertizing?
No, RB. Ordering stuff online is for other people, for starters, and also, I have plenty of mugs already.
(Did you?)
[I shan’t even order this: https://www.myrecipes.com/extracrispy/adventures-in-cooking-with-camel-hump-fat ]
Re: silvrhalide @ #32….
The need to be sheared every year….
christoph@12–
That may be true, but it’s not what Jesus said. He was very clear in many passages: being rich is in itself a sin in Jesus’ eyes.
The Parable of the Rich Fool, which Jesus teaches in Luke 12:13-21 — A rich farmer’s land is so productive that he has no room for the harvest. So he builds bigger storehouses to keep the extra grain so that he can live off the harvest for years. And that is sufficient for God to speak to him on his deathbed to explain that he has lost his place in heaven because he gathered riches for himself when he should have given it away.
chrislawson, ah, but then there’s Luke 15:11-32 — the son who demanded his inheritance and immediately squandered it on high living, booze and prostitutes, then came back to the father and was feasted; his brother that instead worked hard and got nothing special whinged about it, and daddy said “tough shit, son. He’s back, no biggie, live with it”. I paraphrase, but that’s the gist.
Then there’s the parable of the three servants… um, Matthew 25:14-30.
(Gotta love the Babble)
Sorry, nostalgia.
I used to play this game where whenever some Babbist quoted something, I’d quote the opposite.
Alas, goddists are scarce on this blog these days.
Heh. Penguinz0 comments in his inimitable style: