All hat and no cattle

Look at this man. Does the phrase “all hat and no cattle” jump into your brain? It does mine.

That’s Oklahoma state representative Justin Humphrey in a suit and hat too big for him trying to justify his bill that would require women to get permission from their father in order to get an abortion. He is promoting a new and exciting law for his state.

Students who purport to be an imaginary animal or animal species, or who engage in anthropomorphic behavior commonly referred to as furries at school shall not be allowed to participate in school curriculum or activities. The parent or guardian of a student in violation of this section shall pick the student up from the school, or animal control services shall be contacted to remove the student.

He thinks this is a pressing issue because he heard second-hand that some kids were meowing at a school. That’s it. He is so quick to address rumors with legislative action that I think someone ought to tell him a few stories, true stories, about children hiding from school shooters. I’m sure he’d rush to pass gun control legislation in addition to his important furry control work.


  1. raven says

    That’s Oklahoma state representative Justin Humphrey in a suit and hat too big for him trying to justify his bill that would require women to get permission from their father in order to get an abortion.

    What happens if their father is dead?

    What happens if their father skipped town before they were born, never paid child support, and is hiding out somewhere? This is quite common.

    Today 1 in 5 children under the age of 18 — a total of about 15.7 million — are being raised without a father. According to U.S. Census Bureau, out of about 10 million single parent families with children under the age of 18, almost 80 percent were headed by single mothers.Oct 26, 2023

    Single Mother Statistics (UPDATED 2023)
    Single Mother Guide › single-mother-statistics

    It is around 20% of the US child population.

    I suppose, in that case, women would have to get permission from their mother to get an abortion. It probably won’t be that hard.

  2. raven says

    This kook’s father permission bill is really tame and wimpy for the GOP. A lot of Red states have bills before their legislatures to make abortion murder, a death penalty offense.

    Missouri Republicans propose bills to allow murder …

    St. Louis Post-Dispatch › local › government-politics

    Dec 10, 2023 — Missouri Republican lawmakers are pushing a pair of bills that would allow for women to be charged with murder for getting an abortion in …

    So far abortion death penalties have been proposed in Missouri, Texas, and Alabama. I’m sure there will be more and Oklahoma will be one of them.

    Abortion already is a death penalty offense in Georgia.

  3. says

    I wonder how long it will be, if his silly law goes through, before a girl gets harassed or even expelled because she wears a shirt with a cute cat picture on it. Or what kind of havoc it will cause at Halloween. Assuming of course they actually let kids wear Halloween costumes to school.

  4. Prax says

    Every five-year-old in human history: I’m a doggy!
    Kindergarten teacher: NOT ON MY WATCH [loads shotgun with malicious intent]

  5. muttpupdad says

    This person still lets his mommy dress him and tells that he is such a good boy. He is only allowed out of the basement on special occasion such as this.

  6. wzrd1 says

    He’d never try to propose a law against anyone with a gun, as they’re not defenseless. He’ll only legislate against the defenseless.
    Next, he’ll try to ban the disabled from doing the nasty doggy style, which also is a pressing issue…

    Oh, Border Patrol is now allowed to remove Texass installed razor wire from the Rio Grande. The bots have gone wild, demanding closure of the borders entirely, because electronics, automotive parts and food are bad things to have. That’d shut down Detroit, which would be OK, as long as it’s not being shut down due to plague. And food should rot in farmers fields, like Gawd intended, as food needs to be illegal too or something.
    I think it’s time.

  7. Peter MacKinnon says

    I believe it is not the pregnant woman’s father who needs to sign off on the abortion, it is the fetus’ father.

  8. wzrd1 says

    @9, no, it’s out of mercy that the other legislators are denying him cockfighting. His is way too tiny to compete in the free market of fighting cocks.

  9. says

    Yeah, this is where the furries in school started:

    From the article:
    “Parents and teachers in a Colorado school district were surprised by some new additions to the list of necessary back-to-school supplies—including kitty litter, buckets and trash bags.

    The products are part of Jefferson County’s “Emergency Go Bucket,” a way for students to relieve themselves in the event of a prolonged lockdown because of an active shooter.”

    The furries in school thing is absolute bullshit. It was never a thing. The actual reason? So kids wouldn’t get shot trying to go to the fucking restroom during a mass shooting!

    Sorry. This entire thing pisses me off to no end. There is truth to this, but the reality is straight up “guns in school” not “furries exist”.

    Conservatives might be dangerous if they had a functional brain cell. 😑

  10. says

    I believe it is not the pregnant woman’s father who needs to sign off on the abortion, it is the fetus’ father.

    Something tells me they already have the latter requirement (there was, and almost surely still is, a “fathers’ rights” movement cobbled up to give someone veto-power over women’s personal-health decisions), and this jackass wants both.

    So basically, this is yet another way of giving someone else OWNERSHIP of women’s bodies. Which is, yes, another well-known salient characteristic of…SLAVERY.

  11. says

    Guys, you’re getting it all wrong. This was in Oklahoma, and this… person… clearly benefited from an Oklahoma public-schools education.

    It’s just a spelling error.

    He really wants to outlaw Furies in public schools. Darned Greeks.

  12. says


    He’s worried about people cosplaying as furry animals while he’s cosplaying as a cowboy.

    Maybe this is a lizard-person cosplaying as a human — and he said it for the lulz…

  13. silvrhalide says

    Well, there goes the school play.

    Oklahoma is a state that went full in on fracking, because Money! only to find out that the earthquakes caused by the fracking cost more in infrastructure damage than the money made off of fracking.

    Fracking also uses otherwise potable water in a state that tends not to have much of it. Oklahoma suffered heavily in the Dust Bowl.

    Why would you expect OK, as a state, to suddenly develop respect for science and a sense of enlightened self-interest when they’ve never displayed any before?

    Dollar signs in their eyes and space between their ears.

    Hey Justin, how about tackling actual problems in schools? Like the one where a lot of kids die in schools from guns.

  14. gijoel says

    @1 Raven

    What happens if their father is dead?

    A new father will be appointed to them by the elders of the church the government of Gilead.

  15. randomboy says

    Lurker here – although one who taught 8th grade (age 13/14 for non-US) for a bit over 20 years.
    Has anyone considered the reactions of the students? In my experience, if the students know they’ll rock the establishment with “furry” comments, actions, or rumors, they will do so in excess, trying to get the authorities riled up.
    Kudos to the youth in advance for causing apoplexy amongst the uptight class!

  16. robro says

    randomboy @ #19 — When the “furry fandom” thing hit a few years ago, and the conservative outrage machine left the planet, my millennial son pointed out that the breast beaters were just giving the furries permission to push the envelope. How much fun when dad’s favorite conpol fumes about furries. Of course, preachers and conservative politicians are just using it to roil their base, while that base of knee-jerk conservatives in the US are too stupid to realize they’re being played by both sides. They just don’t get it.

  17. wzrd1 says

    randomboy @ 19, yeah, kids that meowed my way got a fine impersonation of a German Shepherd bark in return.

    Still, if it gets cat litter out of schools and raises the body count for mass shooter events, that’ll own the libs no end and hence, mission accomplished for them. They really don’t give a flying fuck about anyone’s kids that aren’t their own and even then, that caring is dubious at best.

  18. StevoR says

    @ 17. garydargan : The Murdoch press propaganda tried to push the nonsense here a couple of years ago – seeMediaWatch here (transcript at least should work) :

    Not very imaginative and taken straight from the culture wars lies stash over in the States. The reichwing has been trying to whip up hate and fear of Trans and other Queer people here with very limited success outside their own fringe circles and papers that fewer and fewer people read.

  19. Nomad says

    I am not convinced that the schools stocking cat litter to prepare for school shootings is the origin of this story. The thing is, the rest of the story is complete fiction. I’m a furry, I know what furries are like, and the story is completely wrong. Someone invented it out of whole cloth, and that makes me feel like there wasn’t anything factual to start it. And it’s basically one story that’s gone around the world, a story which seems to have been written not out of a misunderstanding, but out of a desire to attack trans people because it plays on the “what if people identify as a dog” argument. This guy is working from the same story, right down to claiming that he heard about it from a grandparent of a student. It’s almost always grandparents, because that’s what the story that went around Facebook said. Also it always involves students meowing or barking and disrupting class, it’s always those two sounds. Whoever came up with the original story can’t imagine that anyone would pretend to be any other animal except domestic dogs and cats. Also, just saying, I’ve been in convention hotels packed solidly with furries, the last one had over 15,000 attendees. You know what I hear in the hallways? Barking, meowing? No, I hear TALKING for some strange reason. A handful of furries in a school would not stand out above the din of talking that is the soundscape of school hallways between classes.

    Anyway, the funny thing that nobody seems to have picked up on yet is that the bill as written bans all students from attending school. It’s poorly written, I feel like this guy doesn’t know how to write a bill and just wrote it himself to make it sound like he imagined a bill would sound. When Republicans are sending politicians to the state capital they’re not sending their best or their brightest, you know? Anyway, the main sentence is this:

    “Students who purport to be an imaginary animal or animal species, or who engage in anthropomorphic behavior commonly referred to as furries at school shall not be allowed to participate in school curriculum or activities.”

    We’ll ignore the poor grammar of the sentence because there’s something else going on there. You know who engages in a lot of anthropomorphic behavior? People do. It means “having human characteristics”. This genius wrote a bill banning all human students from attending school as an attempt to score cheap culture war points. He probably thought the word meant “pretending to be an animal” when it was the exact opposite.

    Yes, I know these bills are often broadly written to allow them to be selectively enforced, but this imaginary cowpoke just wrote a bill that would keep all students out of school. Not since Texas banned all marriage in an attempt to ban same sex marriage have I seen a self own this massive. The only reason he won’t become infamous for it is that the bill likely has zero chance of passing, so nobody is going to notice what he did with it. It has to be taken more seriously before anyone other than furry pedants like me will realize what he did with it.

    I’m curious though. It includes students who pretend to be imaginary animals. Remember what I said about the story always specifying barking and meowing? It usually has no room for students who want to be anything else. But this guy, he knew enough to include fictional species. The thing is, fictional species are having a big moment in the furry fandom. I could list at least a dozen, probably, and I don’t follow them that closely. And he knew enough to include people who are into that when most people seem to think furries just pretend to be cats and dogs. I wonder where he learned about that.

  20. d3zd3z says

    “or who engage in anthropomorphic behavior”, so talking, walking upright, using tools? It isn’t surprising they don’t know the meaning of the word, but this is pretty much the opposite of what they are probably intending.