Johnny better get used to it

Roy Edroso speculates about future Depp projects.

Saucy Jack vs. The Sea Hags. The woke Disney corporation won’t revive the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise except in a feminazi version, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still have Johnny Depp riding the seven seas as legendary buccaneer “Saucy” Jack Grackle! In this totally separate and original IP he’s put on a little weight, but he’s still the drunk and disorderly rascal you’ve come to know and love. In his glad rags, mascara, and mannerisms he cuts a dashing figure and all the ladies love him — except for the Sea-Hags, an eighteenth-century gang of nasty women who, damaged by daddy issues, roam the high seas in search of psychic compensation and plunder. They despise Jack Grackle for his roguish masculinity and have vowed to sink his ship The Dark Gem and to literally emasculate him! But Jack leads them on a merry chase with much derring-do and CGI, ending in a literally ravishing, literally climactic physical struggle with Hag Queen Millie Bobbie Brown in which he shows her what “rolling in the deep” really means and makes everything work out! With several of Hollywood’s top young actresses as the Sea Hags (who, when they remove their spectacles and shake out their hair, are actually super hot) and, as Jack’s pirate gang, Jordan Peterson, Joe Rogan, and Ben Shapiro as “Half-Pint.” Special cameo by Tom Cruise as The Bitchmaster!

I like it. I wouldn’t watch it, but I appreciate the authenticity of his crew, none of whom could act their way out of a soggy, weevily biscuit. Reality is that while something that blatant wouldn’t get made, poor Johnny is going to have to resign himself to third tier movies and a lot of bad guy roles.

I also notice something in the comments over there: like me, a lot of lefties sat there quietly throughout the trial, doing their best to ignore it all. Maybe that’s not the best strategy? You think?


  1. snarkrates says

    Whether you call it the Streisand Effect or an echo of Fatty Arbuckle, Depp may ultimately regret bringing suit. He’s damaged goods, and I still hope that misogynist assholes are a tiny market.

  2. says

    I also notice something in the comments over there: like me, a lot of lefties sat there quietly throughout the trial, doing their best to ignore it all. Maybe that’s not the best strategy? You think?

    Nope, not by a long shot. Too many people (not sure if they’re all “lefties” 2BH) have been saying “THIS DOESN’T CONCERN ME, I DON’T CARE!!!” because it’s allegedly just another celebrity spat gone way too public, which of course it is. But it’s also about how our “justice” “system” “works,” which in this case is very badly and with way too much celebrity-hero-worship and outright Slymepit-level misogyny.

    And speaking of all things Slymepit, Rebecca Watson has a VERY sensible take on this whole shitshow of a trial, as cited by fellow FTBlogger Oceanoxia:

    Watson was, of course, present at the creation of the Slymepit, so she has plenty of experience — and thus plenty of credibility — on such matters.

  3. consciousness razor says

    Maybe that’s not the best strategy?

    Why would we have one at all?

    We’re talking about two abusive, drug-addled and self-destructive people, with too much money to burn on suing each other. It happens every day, except for that part about the money. There is no positive outcome in a toxic relationship like that. There is nothing to win and nothing to strategize about.

    It’s also the case that the left simply has nothing to do regarding a trial like this. If we were players in this game, one would expect that there’s some kind of mechanic that can be used by us to affect the outcome in some way (to our benefit, preferably, if we picked a good strategy). But there isn’t even that … just endless, angry, pointless shouting matches. If the left can find literally anything to do with its time that has even the slightest chance of accomplishing something worthwhile, no matter how small, then we should try that instead.

  4. says

    Actually, no, we’re also talking about how our “legal” “system” managed to get used by one drug-addled self-destructive person to effectively scapegoat and punish someone else for the consequences of his own actions. That should concern all of us, even if the washed-up celebrities suing each other do not.

  5. consciousness razor says

    Yeah, the system can be used, even by people who you believe are bad. You should’ve already known that a long time ago. Did you never have to take a civics class, or have you forgotten it? That’s how it works in a system that protects everyone’s rights, and I think it would be much more concerning if we didn’t have such a system.

  6. kome says

    Yea, I kinda ignored the trial because it was a defamation trial. But that also meant I ignored the culture war being built up around the trial until it was too late. I only started paying attention when, during/after Uvalde, the Depp-Heard trial was still somehow being pushed as the top story on Twitter. That bothered me so much. Only then did I pay attention, watching Rebecca Watson’s and LegalEagle’s videos, and coming to the realization that maybe I should’ve been paying attention to the emerging misogynistic conspiracy theory being funded by Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller and Ben Shapiro’s Daily Wire. They (Daily Caller and Daily Wire) decided to use this trial as a way to discredit the idea that women can be victimized by male violence, promoting instead the idea that men are the real victims of nefarious women’s lies and attention seeking.

    The outcome of the trial, as a result, was only ever going to be used to further protect abusers no matter what. If the jury found predominantly in favor of Heard, it would be seen as evidence the system is rigged against men. But this particular outcome… this is going to be used to further justify disbelieving all women, and to silence women victims for fear of being sued by their abuser. Contrary to how some men are trying to paint this, the outcome of this defamation lawsuit will not be used to advance our cultural understanding of male victims of domestic violence; men who are victims of domestic violence are just being used and exploited to push the narrative that women can’t be trusted. So… thanks to the right-wing media empire, things have just become worse for all victims of domestic violence.

    Trials should not be broadcast. They should never have been allowed to become a form of spectator entertainment, which then subjects the justice system (especially in jury trials) to the whims of the sacred algorithms of social media.

  7. says

    So what exactly were we supposed to do? One can get in a lot of trouble if you try to influence a jury improperly during a trial.

    Second, trials have always been spectacles in this country. Hell, part of the Lindberg kidnapping trial was filmed and broadcasted.
    The Scopes Monkey trial, also. In 1943 in the middle of WWII one of the biggest news stories was the Errol Flynn rape trial. Trials need to be public so people know what is going on in their courts and how the system works (or doesn’t work).

  8. logicalcat says

    Because the left doesnt give a shit about male victims of domestic violence. I learned that on this very forum. You remember the thread PZ.

    Its pretty clear to anyone who followed the trial that Amber Hears is a lying, manipulative, physical and emotional abuser who used the MeToo movement as a gateway to fame while lying about the abuse she endured. And instead of being outraged that this abuser set the MeToo movement back, lefties act like their above it all and reframe the event as celebrity spat when it is fucking not or frame in the weaksauce “they were both abusive” knowing damn well that if the genders were reversed no leftist would be treating it this way.

  9. logicalcat says


    Consequences of his own actions? There was a time when victims blaming against victims of domestic violence was bannable but this is about a male victim so that wont happen.

    Unless you haven’t been watching the trial Heard failed to provide evidence of abuse and the one photo we all believed (including me) was shown in court to be manipupated digitally. Meanwhile witness testimony, audio evidence, and medical records showed that Heard abused Depp.

    As for the rest of you trying to paint this as manipulation by right wing sources how about you dont help them along by painting yourselves as the misandrists they say you are.

  10. logicalcat says

    And now leftists are hard at work with the conspiracy theories.

    ” the jury was manipulated by social media/pundits/right wing forces”

    Bullshit. Yall sound like right wing nutcases. The jury reviewed the evidence and found that Depp did not abuse Heard. Heards own lawyer stated that if they prove just one single instance of abuse then the defamation case would be thrown out and they failed.

  11. logicalcat says


    If the trial was not televised then the world over would still believe that Depp was an abuser and Heard the victim instead of the reality which is the other way around. This would happen regardless if Depp won or not. Its why we all know O.J. is guilty regardless of the trial.

    You know what hurts female abuse victims more than any right wing source? The legions of fake ass feminists who defend Amber Heard. Because everytime they do they show the world that MeToo was never about abuse victims. It was about team sports. Its about defending team feminism no matter how dishonest or incongruent to reality hell even if it means abandoning the ideals that feminism was about in the first place. Its team sports and you want your team to win no matter what. The bad guys are not the Shapiros or the MRA. Naw. Its you and the rest of these fake ass feminists. Because you gave them ammunition everytime you dishonestly paint this event as something its not.

    Also fuck of with this condescending “male abuse victims are being manipulated” bullshit. The only manipulator here is Amber Heard and her apologists. And thats what you guys are. Abuse apologists.


    I dont blame you for not following the case because of ptsd but if you did you would see that Amber Heard is the real abuser and the outcome of the trial was a good one.