In case you’d forgotten how bonkers the Christian Right is

Pat Robertson was compelled to rise from his crypt to remind us.

He is explaining to us that Putin is an agent of God who is making a righteous move to expand towards Israel to bring about the End Times. He’s going to take over Ukraine as part of a march towards the Dardenelles so that, when the Apocalypse arrives, he can kill all the Jews, except for the ones who convert to Christianity. A little geography reminder:

Taking Ukraine doesn’t get him that close to Robertson’s hallucinated destination. He’s also going to have to take Moldova, Romania, Bulgaria, and Turkey. I wonder how much Robertson’s prayers for victory every step of the way will help?

Robertson is barely able to move anymore, so we shouldn’t worry about him. There are others like him in the halls of Congress, though, who believe in that bizarre Christian eschatology of the End Times and the Rapture and who babble about “Judeo-Christian morality” while dreaming of the day all the Jews are eradicated or converted in a world-wide spasm of destruction…and who believe that would be a good thing. When you’re fantasizing about Hell on Earth and mass slaughter, I guess someone like Putin begins to look like a divine hero.


  1. hemidactylus says

    I wonder if members of the Christian Right such as Robertson have ever been invited (just once) to Bilderberg for comic relief. Or if they only spout off about the NWO for being snubbed by the elite. Robertson was a serious conspiracy monger.

  2. birgerjohansson says

    Jeez he is old. I recall him from the 80s and he was not young then.

  3. says

    He’s 91, and served in the Korean War. Which he lied about by implying he served in combat. He spent most of the war in Japan due to the influence of his father Senator Absalom Robertson.

  4. Walter Solomon says

    There used to be a shock site, perhaps the first on the Internet, in the late 90s called The site can now be found on the Internet Archive as its no longer active. It was repulsive but it did have something called the “Rotten Library” that featured interesting, surprisingly well-researched articles written in a satirical way.

    One of the articles was about Pat Robertson. It mentioned the typical financial malfeasance you’d expect from a televangelist — in Pat’s case, he owned stake in mines containing conflict diamonds — but it also mentioned how obsessed Pat was with the “End Times.” The entry was written over 20 years ago but since Pat was so old even then, the writer suggested Pat was becoming impatient waiting for the End and would try orchestrate it himself. Pat’s recent comments about Russia reminded me of that.

  5. KG says

    AFAIK, Russian Christofascists focus on the status of Russia as God’s chosen instrument, and on “recapturing” Istanbul/Constantinople from Islam, which has been a focus of Russian imperialist designs for centuries – and was one of the causes of WW1: Russian leaders knew the other European powers would never let them take Istanbul except in the context of a general European war, which many therefore welcomed (to be fair, Nicholas II himself had qualms, but went ahead anyway). Their fantasies have rather limited common ground with those of American Christofascists.

  6. microraptor says

    I’m shocked that Robertson is even still alive. Unless his rotting corpse spontaneously reanimated itself out of pure spite. I could see that happening.

    And speaking of Israel, turns out that Israel’s Holocaust Museum is so financially dependent on a Russian oligarch that they’re lobbying to have the sanctions lifted for him.

  7. PaulBC says

    Robertson is 91. That’s 3 years older than Willie Nelson. I’ll miss Willie Nelson, but age catches up to everyone.

    Apocalyptic Christianity is indistinguishable from a Joss Whedon plot. Granted, they were probably the inspiration. Robertson has sworn his allegiance to a supernatural monster bent on destroying humanity in some horrific way. Because he’s believes he’s one of the elect, he expects to be rewarded for this. There would be a small amount of justice if he had just enough of an afterlife to find out he had wasted his time. Sadly, he’ll just die like the rest of us and never know.

  8. whywhywhy says

    I know most Americans are geographically illiterate but I expect more from god. She supposedly created this world after all. Wouldn’t going through Georgia be a quicker and easier land route? Or have they considered a naval approach?

  9. yoav says

    Russia already has a massive military presence in Syria, which is a lot closer to Israel than Ukraine.
    I guess god hasn’t been watching any news more recent than the 1st century.

  10. Walter Solomon says

    Pat also has a birthday coming up on the 22nd. I know this because that’s also my birthday and I’ve occasionally watched his show.

  11. says

    KG @ 6. I’m rereading Barbara Tuchman’s “Guns of August” and all that stuff of about Russia wanting Istanbul doesn’t play at all. I recommend it, but it is depressing and the parallels to now are scary.

  12. robro says

    Semi-amusing background to the Crimean War in the 1850s. Variouus major Christian churches controlled (and still do) various artifacts of Christianity in Jerusalem. They sometimes quarreled over their rights and occasionally usurped someone’s place. In 1767 the Orthodox Church (one of them anyway) seized a Franciscan church in Jerusalem. The Ottoman sultan assessed the situation and issued a decree putting everything back the way it was, somewhat later referred to as the “status quo”.

    Then in the 1850s, Napoleon III decided to get in the mix and pressured the Sultan to grant the Catholic Church control of some of the Orthodox churches. This brought the tsar into the picture to protect the interest of the Orthodox church. Of course, this just happened to fit in with the tsars goal of reconquering Constantinople (Istanbul) for the Orthodox church and expand Russian hegemony into the Balkans.

    The churches resolved their issues with the Sultan who reconfirmed the “status quo” but the French and the English had armies in the Black Sea to protect the Ottomans and rather than recall them, they decided to invade Crimea to attack the Russian port at Sebastopol. And out of that war…the first one really covered by journalists…we got the girls name Alma, the Charge of the LIght Brigade, the Thin Red Line, the Ragland sleeve, and the Cardigan sweater. Politics, religion, and media brings us the best stuff.

    And that’s about it, except for dead and maimed English, French, and Russian men and women.

  13. captainblack says

    Rebro #14, I suppose Turks and Tartars don’t count, maybe they are/were not white enough?