Three months ago, my wife and I had a calm disagreement over whether we should start a family. A few nights later, I replayed the conversation in my mind and got extremely angry about it. I went into the bathroom, flushed her birth control pills down the toilet, left the empty case on the counter, and then went back to bed. When I woke up in the morning, I was ashamed of myself, but I knew she had already seen what I’d done. She never confronted me about it but has displayed strange behavior since then. She is unusually quiet and acts withdrawn. Her body language has changed, and although we still have sex regularly, it is different than it was before. In addition, she is constantly taking phone calls in private and leaving the house on superfluous errands. I realize I made a mistake, but I don’t think it’s fair that she continues to punish me for it by avoiding me. I want to ask my wife for us both to give up our smartphones and share one car so we can work on our communication. I don’t want to fall into the same trap of doing something rash and then regretting it later. How can I talk to my wife calmly about her behavior?
IT’S A TRAP, LADY! GET OUT!
He’s either not at all self-aware, or is nastily devious. He simultaneously tries to claim they had a calm disagreement, and that he got extremely angry about it, after days of seething apparently, and then made a bold declaration that he was going to defy her will and get her pregnant whether she likes it or not. There’s nothing strange about her behavior; she is quite aware of the message he sent, and knows that her husband is no longer trustworthy. What he thinks will fix it is if he takes away more things from her, and talks to her calmly. We all know where “calm” takes you with this guy.
I can believe this is a real letter. I’ve known of too many people who are that good at compartmentalizing and have that totally selfish perspective.