Except Alex Jones, of course.
BREAKING: Democrats Plan To Launch Civil War On July 4th https://t.co/38AWiUFaag
— Alex Jones (@RealAlexJones) July 1, 2018
Somehow, we antifa/commie/liberal Democrats are supposed to fire up this war on the 4th of July — in two days — and there has been no communication at all to us cannon fodder. But Alex Jones knows all about it! Apparently, it was announced in the liberal “Elite Publications” last year, but I missed it.
Anyone know what those publications are? Because I’ve also missed out on all of those.
Oh, well, I guess I’ll have to dig up my old uniform — birks, shorts, tie-dye t-shirt, and headband — put a flower in my hair and march off to San Francisco. Or wherever the old hippies have set up a staging ground. I wonder if we can get the Dead back together to play for the Revolution?
okay let’s keep this theory active, advising the right-wingers to barricade themselves into their basements to await the libturd-soldiers marching in, and then, keep telling them daily, “they’re coming for you! ! ! stay sheltered and prepare to eat your young”
maybe that’ll keep them busy, they so love wallowing in fear.
“This broadcast is no longer available.”
uhoh
They got him.
Isn’t this one of the liberal “Elite Publications?” Did I miss a post??
How can anyone take Jones seriously when we all know the civil war kicks off on the 3rd at 4:00pm EST?
The last “civil war” (what an absurd name, wars are not civil) in the States was about slavery. This forthcoming absurd namery is about, ah, um, er, ah, I know, I know, ratings ! And
slithey tove — I believe the phrase is “shelter in place.” We’ll offer thoughts and prayers when it’s all over.
PZ — Many of us old hippies are still in SF, so let me know when you get here. You can also find old hippies in Contra Costa, Alameda, San Mateo, Santa Clara, Santa Cruz, Marin, Sonoma, Napa, Humboldt, and Mendocino are also good places to find them.
My attacks will involve air burst ordinance near crowds of people with little American flags. The explosions are just a distraction, though. The crux of my attack will be feeding everyone unhealthy food, and exposing them to solar radiation, and then horrific traffic jams.
How worried should I be that I know, and in some cases have lived in, almost all of those places, and have long hair, beard, leather hat, sandals, and other accouterments, am or have been a card-carrying member of several “leftie” organisations, and have even yelled at nazis in public, but still haven’t heard anything about the forthcoming revolution? Is this yet another mailing list I forgot to send a change-of-lair notice to?
Jones is so desperate to be relevant… he wants to be first against the wall.
If Jones believes the Democrats could organize a Civil War, then he is truly deluded.
I’ll bring some potato salad. It was going to our annual family fourth of july picnic but this sounds like it will be much more fun.
Larry. @11, I’ll throw on a few more hot dogs and ears of corn.
Can you really mount a 125mm cannon on a VW Type 2?
Why was I not informed of the change in date? I was supposed to make sandwiches!
Don’t worry, when it doesn’t happen he’ll claim he prayed it away and his followers will believe him.
Alex Jones is Yosemite Sam with the red hair or intelligence.
*without
Sorry, haven’t had enough sleep
@Susan:
No, but I’m sure you can mount a VW Type 2 on a mobile 125mm cannon.
Yes, albeit you have to very very good at welding. (Pro Tip: Remove the shells first.) However, it will tend to tip over. So much so, in fact, the VW is largely pointless, other than as something to duck behind when firing the cannon. (Pro Tip: Drain the petrol first.) Should you manage to keep the thing stable and basically upright — try some Duck Tape, that usually works — then don’t duck behind the VW when firing, climb inside. Upon firing, you will be the first supersonic VW pilots. (Pro Tip: Fasten the safety belts first.) Your Darwin Award will be sent to your last known address. (Pro Tip: Avoid giving away your identity and plans by hiring a POBox with an assumed name.)
@blf At least they’d really get Further.
Ugh, PZ, really – the coded message was in the creationist screed about HJ Blackham and the cipher book was hidden as the Story of Jonah pamphlet. All you had to do was convert the writing on the Chick tract into base 8 then subtract Lenin’s birthday to find the cipher key.
Don’t tell me you threw away the detailed bomb-making instructions disguised as the gay porn too?
Did not Mussolini try to stage a coup but most of the troops did not get the date right and the rest got lost on the way to Rome?
Clearly Italian fascists ==the US Democratic Party
≠
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Apologies, but that isn’t ringing any bells. A quick check suggests Mussolini only tried to stage one coup, the completely successful “March on Rome”, in October 1922. That, in turn, inspired Hitler’s comical “Beer Hall Putsch” in November 1923. That failed coup, whilst farcical, still doesn’t seem to match the description.
I suppose one or the other may have tried to provoke a possibly-faked coup in some client state or as a pretext for invasion, but the “coup” went badly wrong along the lines described — but I still cannot identify the event.
Didn’t he already predict that an armed liberal uprising would take place at some point last year? He and his fans don’t really seem to care or acknowledge when Jones gets shit wrong.
@ 14 blf
Maybe it was Ireland or just a joke I remember reading. It does sound a bit like something Terry Pratchett would write.
Yes, on November 4th, led by “the antifa”. Jones and the other kooks inflated a series of genuine peaceful protests by a handful of anti-facist groups into an violent rebellion. It was successfully put down only when Navy SEALS based at Area 51 flew the captured Roswell alien flying saucers and this time — unlike the Sept 11 incident — used the invisible death rays correctly. You know, the ones which also make everyone forget it ever happened. (Ok, some of that was made up. But yes, Jones et al did “predict” the protests were an armed uprising.)
Is Jones the son of Harold Camping?
It’s Korg’s fault. He didn’t print enough pamphlets.
emergence @25:
They just take credit for successfully “stopping” it.
He just got one crucial detail wrong: the civil war is going to be between Democrats.
@22 Most of them went by train ,if when they arrive at Rome and the king opened the door ,he should have said “Not today thank you ” and the Fascists would have all gone home .
PS ,anyone ever seen the comments posted on smart alex’s youtube channel ?
Most amusing .
You can’t fool me: this whole “July 4th” thing is just a conspiracy to distract from my son’s graduation ceremony!
blf @5
It’s like the last “Gulf war”. First, the title leaves out which gulf, and then that describes the approximate area where it happens. So a civil war happens around (your own) citizens. It’s a bit like “friendly fire” is short for “fire by friendly forces”.
But of course, y’all already knew all that.
#secondcivilwarletters on Twitter has some very funny stuff.
Yeah, it was all over Tatler, The Rake, and Cigar Aficionado…
@colinday
And, that is what is so depressing, really. It might take one to “fix” some of the shit going on, like the stacking of SCOTUS to allow the right to undermine every part of Democracy, including removing the term from new text books, but actually “organizing” one, so that the result won’t be a complete and total disaster, on the scale of past spur of the moment, only to be replaced by a worst fascist (how ever temporarily), revolutions… Yeah, not going to be helpful to have one of those.
I’m 100% sure this a ghoulish bet on some kind of violence, somewhere, at an Independence Day celebration. Whether it’s a “Bernie Bro” and a MAGA hat getting into a fistfight or a terror attack–by ISIS or the Klan alike–Jones will claim he was vindicated and proven right: See! The Democrats are trying to stoke a civil war! Just look at that false flag attack they staged!
Dammit, PZ, why wasn’t I in the loop on this? All my antifa-ware is at the cleaners. I can’t rebel in street clothes!
The Dead ***are*** back together, as Dead and Company, and they’re great. However, last time I looked their contribution to the revolution was to urge people to register to vote! Which is certainly one of the main things we need to do.
What do you mean old!!!
Tie dye goes in and out of fashion.
Right now tie dye is very much in fashion.
I bought my first tie dye T-shirt in a few decades not too long ago.
Hi Guys,
I’ve already made plans for July 4th.
Any chance you could start the civil war on July 5th?
Thanks
Asking for an overseas friend: July 4th is about an hour away. Can we start without you? I mean, ‘they’, of course.
microraptor @30
I think this might be relevant.
@Andy Geth:
Guys, this is why we never get anything accomplished! Stop making plans without telling us! Oh, and don’t plan anything for next Saturday; I’m having a barbecue. /s
It’s been the 4th here for c.17 hours, nothing yet… Was there another change of plan? Or did we simply get the year / planet wrong?