What better way to celebrate our toxic orange presidential candidate?



Burger King, the restaurant chain backed by 3G Capital and Warren Buffett, will begin selling deep-fried sticks of macaroni and cheese encrusted in Cheetos-flavored breading, part of a trend toward blending fast food with well-known snack brands.

Cheesy, commercial, and artificially colored — it should be the official snack food of the Republican party.

I’d make one addition. It should be sold with little cups of vividly yellow Velveeta cheese goo, so you could dip it and put a little swirl of mysterious fulvous color on top.


  1. says

    Well, here in the west of Scotland, the enterprising chippies are already selling the “pizza crunch supper”, in which a pizza is battered and deep-fried, to be served with a poke of chips. Estimated 3500 – 4000 kcal per serving.

  2. wzrd1 says

    Hey now, I’ve been known to occasionally enjoy Cheetos and perhaps once a year indulge myself in Velveeta.
    As for Burger King, haven’t set foot inside one since last year, this just further confirms the desire to continue that trend. Besides, I far prefer *real* food, not fast crap that is lousy with fats and heaven knows what else.
    That said, when Burger King starts selling steamed brussel sprouts, I might actually visit the place again. :)
    Crap! I forgot to bring the left overs of those from last night’s dinner, would’ve been a grand snack while at work.

  3. jerthebarbarian says

    Deep fried mac and cheese is something I’ve had before – could be good, could be bad. You really shouldn’t eat very much of it no matter how good it’s prepared. And I’d expect the BK version to be bad just because BK’s food is generally bad.

    But coating it in Cheeto dust is a new low in cuisine. I hope that everyone with any involvement in coming up with the recipe feels bad.

  4. Beatrice, an amateur cynic looking for a happy thought says

    I used to like Cheetos when they still sold it over here. I don’t understand the weirdly specific hate? It’s not like other chips and snacks aren’t full of artificial coloring and way too much salt.

  5. komarov says

    To round things off I’d add a small keg of liquefied sugar. If you survive finish your first helping you get a free refill. Oh, wait, I think that might already be standard policy in US fast food establishments.

  6. stwriley says

    The Velveeta dip on these things may be redundant, as it’s all too likely that the “cheese” in that mac-n-cheese-stick is some form of the stuff already. I can’t say as how I’d ever eat this, no matter who turned it out. Given that Velveeta is characterized as a “pasteurized processed cheese food”, I avoid it like the plague. It just seems like a bad idea to eat anything they have to label that way in order to tell you that it’s food.

  7. wzrd1 says

    Meh, “American cheese” is also a processed cheese, nearly as bad a mess as Velveeta. Still, a treat’s a treat.
    I also love a variety of *real* cheeses. :)

  8. blf says

    Fried macaroni?
    Deep fried macaroni?

    Isn’t that about the same as asbestos, botulism, ebola, and peas in one “package”?

    Or at least what inept college freshmen do (not always intentionally)?

    (The mildly deranged penguin suggests improving the recipe by substituting cheese for the macaroni, cheese for deep, moar cheese for the frying, cheese for the breading, and oar moar cheese for the cheese. Then add cheese, cheese, and some moar cheese (just to be sure) for flavour.)

  9. Nerd of Redhead, Dances OM Trolls says

    (The mildly deranged penguin suggests improving the recipe by substituting cheese for the macaroni, cheese for deep, moar cheese for the frying, cheese for the breading, and oar moar cheese for the cheese. Then add cheese, cheese, and some moar cheese (just to be sure) for flavour.)

    In other words, mac and cheese, in a cheese fondue, minus the mac. The problem appears to be what is the vehicle for getting the delicious cheese to ones mouth.
    *dives into a pea coated bunker*

  10. themadtapper says

    That’s got to be one of the most vile sounding side dishes ever. Who the hell conceived of this idea and what sort of unholy woodshed meth was he on?

  11. wzrd1 says

    @themadtapper, it’s a derivation of what already is a thing. I’ve been seeing deep fried mac and cheese for the last six months, here in NW Louisiana.

  12. blf says

    wzrd1@10, As soon as I work out what “oar moar cheese” is — the frantic feathered fiend was frothing at that point, and even spilled a drop of her Marguerite. She’s in mourning now.

    Whatever it is, it’s certain to be less disgusting than the OP. And edible / potable, also unlike the OP.

  13. emergence says

    The thread on feminism is a few months dead, so I guess I’ll post this here.

    So, there seems to be yet another controversy in the gaming community. Like most of these issues, it’s fairly convoluted, but I think it began with a game developer named Jennifer Scheurle making a joking tweet about a statue. After calling it “Mansplaining, the statue”, and saying that mansplaining is a serious issue, Notch, the creator of Minecraft, came in and declared that mansplaining as a term is sexist against men, and is meant to silence men through “gender shaming”. He also decided that the term mansplaining was equivalent to using the term “cuntfusion”. Apparently, using the term mansplaining is equivalent to using actual gendered slurs.

    This lead to an article on Destructoid where a writer called Notch out on this. This in turn lead to Joshua Vanderwall, editor in chief of The Escapist, to pen his own take on the situation. That is, he agrees that calling out mansplaining is somehow sexist against men, and went on a bitter tirade against “neo-puritans”. There’s also the sort of “gotcha” argument where Vanderwall calls the Destructoid writer a hypocrite for calling Donald Trump a cunt. I’m not sure how that gets around “cuntfusion” using a gendered slur while “mansplaining” doesn’t, but that’s the least of the issues here.

    The guy seems to be a piece of work in general. For all of his calls for thoughtful discussion of these sorts of issues, he penned an article on cultural appropriation that consisted of one word: “bullshit”. Apparently, he didn’t think that cultural appropriation deserved any sort of thoughtful discussion. Another article he wrote is pretty much a laundry list of generic anti-social justice talking points. There’s the FREEZEPEACH fetishism, calling college students coddled for having standards for who the school pays to give talks, and other attempts to portray criticism of entitled assholes as silencing dissent.

    The fact that Notch said what he did is disturbing to me. I like Minecraft, and I don’t like the idea of abandoning it due to one of its creators having odious political opinions. Does anyone else here that plays Minecraft feel like this will hurt their enjoyment of the game?

  14. Sastra says

    Yes, State Fairs are known for their innovation in cuisine. What better way to wash down Cheetos-covered deep-fried mac ‘n cheese bits than with a deep fried Snickers bar?

    (I once tried a small one being given out for free. I thought it would taste better than it did. I’m glad it didn’t.)

  15. wzrd1 says

    @Brony, yeah, saw that here as well. We’re across the river from Shreveport.
    I can’t figure out *why* diabetes supplies and specialty practices are so plentiful…
    The laugh being, I’m the only male member of my father’s side of the family who has gotten over 50 and not been diagnosed as a diabetic. My trick is to avoid insulin resistance by keeping the weight at a healthy level.
    It seems, we have a genetic predisposition toward excessive weight gain, high cholesterol and with those two taking full effect, type 2 diabetes.

  16. Ragutis says

    Initially my reaction mirrored the repulsion of many of you, but then a small voice in my head whispered: “Y’know, if I was really stoned…”

  17. magistramarla says

    We usually avoid junk food in our house, but when the teen-aged grandson is around, I’m always asked to make cheese dip. It consists of Velveeta melted with Ro-Tel (canned tomatoes with chilies), served with corn chips for dipping. That is one junk food treat that I just can’t resist sharing with the grandkids. Once they leave, it’s back to delicious healthy meals for us.

  18. wzrd1 says

    Back when we were living in the Middle East, we had a once per week “fry night”, with everything being deep fried. Home made battered fish chunks, hand sliced french fries, etc. The rest of the week, we had healthy meals, with plenty of greens. It was an excellent compromise and at least then, I got my wife to eat her greens.
    Since we’ve returned home, she’s reverted to “I’m a meat and potatoes girl” and resumed drinking sweet carbonated soft drinks, with the predictable result of weight gain and now, type 2 diabetes.
    So, we’re discussing re-instituting that practice. The healthy eating for 7 out of 7 days paid off well.

    I was initially confused, as our diet has been that meat and potatoes, with twice a week doing fast food, yet for once in my life, my cholesterol was at a healthy level, when checked last January. That confusion was resolved when my thyroid hormone levels were reported – hyperthyroidism lowered those levels to a healthy level. Alas, the price was excessive.
    Now that my thyroid hormone levels are nearly normal, I think it’s time to press the issue and the fry night compromise will hopefully pay off.
    Now, if only I could get her to switch back to drinking water…

  19. ck, the Irate Lump says

    I would suggest renaming the product “Trump Fingers”, but BK may have to shorten the the product a bit first.

  20. says

    There has to be some way to crossbreed that thing with poutine and cause the collapse of civilization!!

    (Rushes to Skull Island base underground lab of evil…)

  21. says

    Okay see… if these were just your typical mozzarella cheese sticks with Cheetos coating, I might actually consider it. But mac and cheese?

    I adore a good, homemade mac and cheese (in fact, I’ve made my own), but this is just… no.

    That said, I really can’t say much. Taco Bell is a guilty pleasure, and I will neither confirm nor deny that I have had, and enjoyed, the (Nacho Cheese) Doritos Locos Taco…

    (Munchies can do funny things to a person… :D)

    (That said, if I could figure out how, I wouldn’t mind making Cheetos mozzarella cheese sticks, sans the mac, at home… hmm…)

  22. robro says

    One thing I like about Pharyngula is that I often learn something new. I just learned that Burger King started in my hometown, Jacksonville, Florida in 1953 as Insta-Burger. I didn’t know that, and I honestly don’t recall ever eating at BK until I was an adult. If we had hamburgers when I was a kid, they were usually from the backyard grill. The family favorite fast-food burger was the Krystal.

    I ate plenty of BKs and MacDs when my son was a kid. Easy, cheap food for kids that they’ll actually eat and the restaurants often have play areas… big plus if you’re traveling. We stopped that about 10 years ago. Even he realized it isn’t particularly healthy eating.

    I grew up on deep friend food, but no more. I wouldn’t touch this yum-yum death food full of fat and salt. I like my heart beating.

  23. methuseus says

    @robro #28:

    Easy, cheap food for kids that they’ll actually eat and the restaurants often have play areas… big plus if you’re traveling.

    having traveled with my young kids recently, it seems that only Chick-fil-a has those play areas anymore, except for the extremely rare McD’s. I haven’t seen a play area in BK in at least 10 years, possibly more.

  24. gmacs says

    We have a local restaurant that does these mac-and-cheese balls with a pretzel stick stuck in them (they call them lollipops). They come with this little bit of mustardy, cheesy sauce. Omigodomigod, they need to put that sauce on more things.

  25. unclefrogy says

    the first thing I thought of was the midway at the fair
    great idea for a junk food snack restaurant franchise of catches on they can be made in the factory, frozen and shipped ready to fry all taste the same everywhere.
    now I think I will go and listen to Dave Van Ronk sing “that song about the midway” by Joni Mitchell

    and try to remember to eat sensible
    uncle frogy

  26. parrothead says

    There needs to be some standards as to what can be sold as “food”. What, I don’t know… but this isn’t food.

  27. frog says

    I would certainly be willing to try one. I don’t go out of my way for Cheez-Whiz or Velveeta, but I do get the occasional hankering. I also eat very expensive cheeses (I gravitate to the Jasper Hill Farms suite). I do not see a contradiction in this–different things for different purposes.

    That said, oi, this is death on a plate (or in a cardboard sack, more likely).

    I have found that the best way to get me to eat vegetables is to go out to a good restaurant where they have healthy options on the menu. The next best way is for me to grow my own, but obviously that isn’t possible for everyone. My winter solution is to buy a box of lettuce at the grocery and make a homemade dressing. At least then I get some greens.

  28. Ragutis says

    Now, if only I could get her to switch back to drinking water…

    La Croix is how I kicked my soda habit.