Apple gets it exactly right

Always on the cutting edge, Apple has announced a bio-organic laptop.

Cook presented the bizarre, malformed new product to stunned silence during a media event at Apple headquarters, revealing a device that, while vaguely similar to a computer in certain respects, appeared to be encased in a thick, flesh-like coating that was visibly moist and engorged.

"Oh, my sweet God," Apple employee Kurt Starfeldt said after viewing the MacBook up close. "It appeared to be discharging some sort of mucus-type substance from the headphone jack and making these weird murmuring sounds. And then it started quivering at one point when Tim was demonstrating how to use the touch pad. It was quite upsetting, actually."

The photos reveal that it is definitely squamous. I want one. I want two so I can breed them.

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Birthday go thud

One of those days…I was trapped at home most of the morning. We’re in that transitional stage where the snow and ice melt during the day, but then freezes solid overnight, almost instantaneously, so it was kind of pretty — sidewalks covered with rippled ice, for instance — but just too dangerous to walk on. So I stayed home and pounded together some cheap furniture I’d ordered to fill in a gap in our bedroom. That’s right, I spent my birthday doing manual labor.

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