Signs of the coming apocalypse

Duck Dynasty is being translated into a musical theater production.

Undertaking one of the more audacious theater projects in recent years, the Robertsons — known for their long beards, duck-hunting merchandise and occasional inflammatory remark — are moving to expand their Louisiana-based multimedia franchise with “The Duck Commander Family Musical.” The 90-minute show, with actors playing the family members from A&E’s “Duck Dynasty” as they celebrate the family’s long history from rags to riches, hopes to open in February at the Rio hotel and casino, where the Chippendales show and Penn & Teller are now running.

Nausea writhes uneasily in the belly of this beast.


  1. ledasmom says

    That’s the best title they could think of? Not “Duck and Cover”? Not “Duck Duck Goose”? Not “Just Ducking Around”?

  2. gussnarp says

    I expected Branson as well. There’s lots of money to be made in Vegas, for sure, but the costs are also higher and the competition is, I’d say better, but lets call it “different”. In Vegas you’re competing against Cirque, holographic Michael Jackson, Blue Man Group…I’m not up to date, but the widest possible variety of incredibly talented performers in shows with the highest caliber of technical production values that appeal to a wide array of audiences. In Branson you’re up against Donny Osmond and old Southern, Christian comedians. But maybe someone figured they could be the Christian* alternative to all that hedonistic Vegas entertainment and get a huge audience, instead of just another Christian show in Branson.

    *I’m going with “Christian” over “family” here because I don’t think it’s family entertainment at all. I’d take my kids to Cirque or Blue Man over Duck Dynasty any day. I think they promote better values.

  3. arakasi says

    The hills are alive
    With the sound of duck calls
    A creed that harkens
    Back a thousand years…

  4. says

    Hrm. So many better names out there:

    The Ducktacular Family Experience
    DUCKBLAST: The Musical
    HuntDuck (Nintendo having the name Duck Hunt locked down)
    Duck Commander Double Header
    Duckblind: The Coming Storm
    Hunting the Dinosaur: Denying Evolution With Shotguns
    Duck and Cover Commander (apologies to #1)
    Nemesis Anatidae
    Duckical Family Power Music Hour
    Beards in the Bog
    Camo Whamo Steel Shot Entertainment Time
    Duckdeath: Sponsored by Bass Pro Shop
    Commanding the Duck: Master and Duck Hunter
    Family Time Family Hour Music Man Comedy Scenario

  5. Akira MacKenzie says

    …to open in February at the Rio hotel and casino, where the Chippendales show and Penn & Teller are now running.

    Hmmm… between the sexual exploitation and the pair of raging misogynist libertarians, I can’t think of a more appropriate venue for the Robertson’s new production.

  6. Sastra says

    This, coupled with the announcement that Pepsi is working on a Dorito-flavored Mountain Dew, does indeed fill me with apocalyptic dread.

  7. says

    jason @15:

    How are they gonna produce a musical without hiring any gay people?

    You probably didn’t mean anything by this, but heterosexual people produce musicals too and your comment plays upon stereotypes of gay men.

  8. gussnarp says

    @jason (#15): They’re not.
    @Tony! (#18): You’re absolutely right, however, if we accept that among people working in theatrical production, out gay persons are more common than in the general population (probably true, though I don’t know if there’s hard data on it), and we consider the number of people involved in producing a large scale Vegas musical production, some of them are almost certainly going to be gay. That’s probably true even if the assumption of a higher proportion of out gay persons is not.

  9. Rey Fox says

    celebrate the family’s long history from rags to riches

    And from preppie fashion to cable-mandated beards, presumably.

  10. gog says

    @Sastra #13

    PepsiCo owns Frito-Lay and its brands. The term you’re looking for is “synergy.”

  11. says

    Wait. “Rags to riches”?

    They started off rich. They’re richer now, but back before they adopted the hillbilly look they were standard issue yuppies. Here’s a link to a collection of pictures of them back before they got a TV show:

    They went to expensive schools, lived in a mansion, etc. There is no rags to riches story about the Duck Dynasty assholes unless they’re just making one up.

  12. applebeverage says

    You know what would be great though, is if instead of having it be this biographical piece on their rise to fame, it was just 3 hours of uninterrupted duck calls.

  13. psanity says

    OMFG I don’t even.

    hopes to open in February at the Rio hotel and casino, where the Chippendales show and Penn & Teller are now running.

    How à propos.

    Tony @ 18:

    Well, yes, and it unfortunately needs to be said. Freemage had just made a “Producers” joke, though, and jason may have been riffing on that.

  14. ck says

    garydargan wrote:

    Hmm! Chippendales with beards how appropriate.

    Nah, it won’t be anything anywhere near that entertaining.