I was going to post this for Blasphemy Day

… but then I realized I regard this image with something like reverence. Because what’s more worthy of reverence than hints of the common ancestry of all life forms?

Thought the ape on the right is clearly in need of more brachiating practice, as He’s obviously doing it wrong.


  1. Janine: Hallucinating Liar says

    Jesus, Jesus, Jesus of the jungle
    Strong as he can be
    Watch out for that tree

    Jesus, Jesus, Jesus of the jungle
    Lives a life that’s free
    Watch out for that tree

    When he gets in scrapes
    When he makes his escapes
    With the help of his friend
    An ape named Ape

    Then away he’ll schlep
    On his elephant Shep
    While Fella and Ursula
    Stay in step with

    Jesus, Jesus, Jesus of the jungle
    Friend to you and me
    Watch out for that tree
    Watch out for that (Ahhh) (Oooh) tree
    Jesus, Jesus, Jesus of the Jungle
    Friend to you and me

  2. Aratina Cage says

    So that’s why Jesus survived crucifixion–he was a tailless monkey! I wonder if the sight of Jesus swinging in the trees is where we got Tarzan from?

  3. Ogvorbis: broken and cynical says

    Thought the ape on the right is clearly in need of more brachiating practice, as He’s obviously doing it wrong.

    I dunno. Looks like he really nailed it.

  4. says

    I was actually going to sample the Deepfried Jebus last year, but they had a problem with the baking powder in the batter. It took three days to rise, apparently.

  5. Menyambal --- Sambal's Little Helper says

    Jesus, who is part of God, is dying so that God can forgive us, the people that God made, for things that we have done that he, God, has designated as sins after he failed to include a knowledge of good and evil in the first ones of us that he made, and after condemning us all for what they did.

    Then, with his people running on a fruit-installed aftermarket version of knowledge, and no clear definition of sin, he chucks our ancestors out of the garden before they could eat of the tree of wisdom. And still blames us.

    It sounds like God was trying to commit suicide and screwed it up. Does that make the holes in Jesus into “hesitation marks”?

    I have read that we humans have personalities more like orang utans than like chimps. After reading what I just wrote about the religion many of us regard as divine, I’d say we are more like psychotic, senile male chimps with rabies in a blood rage.

  6. dianne says

    Sorry, it seems the site I pulled the image from is actually a rather non-blasphemous Christian blog. I guess this is a joke that appeals to believers and non-believers alike. Unifying blasphemy!

  7. Menyambal --- Sambal's Little Helper says

    So Jesus walks into an inn, hands the innkeeper three nails, and says, “Can you put me up for the night?”

  8. says

    Another reason to ♥ the image on the left is that our laterally stretched shoulders come from our brachiating past. It’s sad to see so many science fiction illustrators who assume that intelligence = brachiating shoulders and put them on heavy-haunched dinosauroids that are obviously ill adapted to swinging through trees.

  9. robster says

    Looks like an opportunity for the godbots to save some money on licence fees, using the monkey rather than the dead jew on their stake. Could be a job creation opportunity too. There’s lots and lots of the dead jesus on the stick figures in all the christian venues that could be replaced with the more attractive and inviting monkey on the stick figures, imagine all the jobs making and distributing the new icon. Could be what Mr. Obama needs to get the job figures looking better in time for November.

  10. robster says

    Hmm…could also open the door to replacing the cracker and wine with a banana and fruit juice…just thinking…

  11. Menyambal --- Sambal's Little Helper says

    Yeah, I understood that all us apes are in the Old World Monkey category, then in monkeys in general. You can’t put all monkeys into any grouping that doesn’t include us, except by saying “tailed monkeys” or “cute monkeys” or “not-those-fat-bastard-ape monkeys”.

  12. says

    All us apes are in the Catarrhini along with the Old World monkeys. There is no ancestor of all monkeys that isn’t our ancestor too, so if we’re being proper cladists, we deprecate the term “monkey” as paraphyletic.

    The split between old world monkeys and apes took place about 25 mya, about when pinnipeds diverged from the mustelid line — but no one calls walruses “weasels.”

  13. says

    That would be, I mean, if the common names had any validity in taxonomy. Which they kinda don’t. But arguing the point is diverting. Or at least more diverting than the work I’m supposed to be doing.

  14. Ray, rude-ass yankee says

    The one on the right has passed on! This ape is no more! He has ceased to be! ‘E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ‘E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the stick ‘e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ‘istory! ‘E’s off the twig! ‘E’s kicked the bucket, ‘e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-APE!!

    Remarkable ape though, id’nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

  15. Menyambal --- Sambal's Little Helper says

    but no one calls walruses “weasels.”

    Have you ever tried to get a walrus to look you in the eye? Shifty bastards.

    Seriously, interesting info, Chris.

  16. birgerjohansson says

    Don’t mess with the word “monkey” around the Librarian.
    You will end up unconscious in the gutters of Ankh-Morpork.
    — — — — — — —
    This is an old, anatomically incorrect crucufix. If you nail someone through the hands, he will fall off.

    Anyway, the greek text only mentioned a wooden rack of some sort, not necessarily a cross.
    The cross superseded the fish as christian symbol centuries after the last disciple died, so no one knows for sure the details of the execution.
    — — — — — — —
    A detail you should remember about brachiating critters is that we inherited our good color vision from them.
    Reptiles, dinosaurs, birds = four kinds of color receptors in the eyes.
    Mammals spent 100 million years as nocturnal critters hiding from the thunder “lizards”, losing all but two color receptors.

    Proto-primates climbed the trees, reclaimed the day and eventually mutated forth a third kind of color receptor.

    -All hail the resurrected color receptor!

  17. johnhodges says

    The purest form of blasphemy:
    “Your religion is false. You have been swindled.”

  18. Ray, rude-ass yankee says

    Thanks! As I read the other comments, the dead guy/ dead parrot nailed to a stick thing hit me and I had to share.
    Seemed almost like I killed the thread though. Before I posted there were comments every few minutes, after, none before I logged off to go to bed (about half an hour later).