Christian nations don’t have no ornery bears

Some fundamentalists have a weird obsession with animals. One in particular is Bryan Fischer, disturbing homophobe, who is outraged at the latest tragedy in which a man was killed by a grizzly bear. It shouldn’t have happened. Why? Because in a god-fearin’ country, animals will be tamed by god.

History reveals that God’s covenant with an ancient nation suggests that one of the consequences for a nation which walks in his statues is that it will have nothing to fear from wild animals. “If you walk in my statutes…I will remove harmful beasts from the land” (Lev. 26:3,6).

Earlier this year, I reminded readers that if biblical precedent had been followed, the whale that killed SeaWorld trainer Dawn Brancheau would have been euthanized in 1991 when it killed its first human victim. Ms. Brancheau would be alive today if the principles of the Judeo-Christian tradition had been followed.

God said a curse would fall on a land which turned its back on him, and one consequence would be more tragic deaths at the hands of predatory animals. The truly sad thing here is that we are bringing this curse upon ourselves.

Now I’m really confused. Why is Fischer demanding we kill the bear? Bears are clearly the Lord’s instrument of righteous wrath! Anyone who has read 2 Kings 2 knows that bear maulings are just god’s version of a wrist-slap.

23 Then he went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up by the way, young lads came out from the city and mocked him and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead; go up, you baldhead!” 24 When he looked behind him and saw them, he cursed them in the name of the LORD. Then two female bears came out of the woods and tore up forty-two lads of their number. 25 And he went from there to Mount Carmel, and from there he returned to Samaria.

Oh, that story always warms my heart and reassures me of the all-encompassing nature of god’s love.