Comments

  4. Qwerty says

    And the “thumbs up” in the upper right corner has a nail in it!

    Ahhh.. Priceless.

  5. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    Looks like it’s steak for dinner tonight.

    *lets his food pedantry ignore the placement of those cuts.

  6. Qwerty says

    Hey, PZ, did you email a copy of this to Bill Donohue? He needs distribe material for his next fund-raising letter.

  8. Qwerty says

    My post should read “diatribe material.”

    I went to the Rev. BDC’s school of typos.

  9. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    At least they skipped the organ meats. That could get gross fast.

    If by gross you mean delicious!

  14. ddpej says

    Whoever designed that gets points for the idea but loses almost as many for creativity — those cuts aren’t even close to accurate.

  15. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    those cuts aren’t even close to accurate.

    I suspended my anatomical and butchering knowledge for the joke.

  17. Qwerty says

    One wonders. Would it be sacrilegious to go into a Catholic church, receive communion and blurt out, “Yummy, tastes like white meat of chicken!”

  18. Rey Fox says

    I’m a little surprised at the “going to hell for this” in the title of the post. Too close to granting the religious their assumptions of reality. It’s a talisman of the still-religious or waffly to hopefully ward off the actual wrath of a god while they try to make humor. I don’t bother with that anymore.

  21. https://me.yahoo.com/a/DhjBEuJ8pt63x6eBKuPx0Jv9_QE-#7c327 says

    Shouldn’t there have been a vat of blood, with an Ernest and Julio Gallo wine label on it? This needs to be complete. Also, is he kosher? Jews need to know.

  22. kiyaroru says

    No one knows the real&trade nature of Jeezy’s body.
    Maybe his tibia really&trade was connected to his scapula.
    (dem bones dem bones dem dry bones)

  25. The Petey says

    But Wait… Jeseus was Jewish,
    You can’t eat below the rib-cage.

    It’s not Kosher.

  26. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    What?! No Golgotha Oysters, my favorite part?

    um

    wow

    Rolled in cornmeal and fried to a crisp.

  27. RickR says

    Oh! This reminds me- I need to pick up a pound of sliced, lean roast beef at the market.

  31. aratina cage says

    um
    wow

    Come on, Rev. We can’t let any parts go to waste.

    Rolled in cornmeal and fried to a crisp.

    …and wrapped in bacon. Now that’s the spirit!

  32. creating trons says

    what are the numbers next to each cut for?

    mmm…jebus, wrapped in bacon, on the grill, medium rare of course!

  33. IslandBrewer says

    Am I the only one here upset that they got most of the cuts completely wrong? The ribs and shank are all mixed up! As are the flank and rump.

    As a tough muscley carpenter, Jesus should be corned or marinated for at least a good couple hours for most cuts. Or you can cross-cut some Jesus tri-tip and fry it for Jesus Fajitas.

    Remember to limit your servings of Jesus to only a couple times a week, particularly if you’re watching your cholesterol.

  34. CJO says

    Is it free range, kosher-fed jesus, or that nasty stuff, full of hormones and antibiotics from a giant feedlot?

  36. Paul Burnett says

    Braise the Lord! 450 degrees F for ten minutes – salt and butter to taste.

  38. Swampfoot says

    Posting this on Facebook is a sure way to shed friends in a hurry, if you have any that can’t take a joke – I can tell you this from recent experience!

  40. spaghettificatedgod says

    @ #36

    “Braise the Lord!”

    Now that’s funny! I laughed out loud*.

    *compliment requires more than the trendy acronym.

  41. blf says

    Someone is going to burn in hell…

    Yes, all that tasty meat if you leave it for too long.

  42. IslandBrewer says

    @Swampfoot #38

    Posting this on Facebook is a sure way to shed friends in a hurry, if you have any that can’t take a joke – I can tell you this from recent experience!

    The more friends I have on Facebook, the more I have to self-censor. (Yes, assuming I actually want to keep my friends.) Shedding a few might not be an entirely bad idea.

  43. tms says

    Come on, Rev. We can’t let any parts go to waste.

    What’s that the processors say?
    “Everything’s used but the squeal.”

  44. IslandBrewer says

    Wait, can we eat Jesus if he doesn’t chew his cud? Isn’t he technically unclean according to Leviticus?

    Oh, wait! I was thinking there was some consistency in religion! Silly me. Gimme a double bacon Jeeez(us)burger!

  45. keenacat says

    I’m not used to eating Zombie. Still, I guess a nice stew might be in order, simmer long and slowly for maximum tenderness and to prevent resurrection.
    Some nice bread for dipping (avoid stale cracker though).

  47. Epikt says

    IslandBrewer:

    Am I the only one here upset that they got most of the cuts completely wrong? The ribs and shank are all mixed up! As are the flank and rump.

    They also left off the meat thermometer insertion point in his side.

  48. WashingMachine0 says

    Reminds me of that picture I saw a while back that had Jesus crucified and said “If you’re Jesus and you know it, clap your hands!”

  49. chuckgoecke says

    For those of you who are really planning to carve up jebeus when he comes back, don’t use this diagram, its got the anatomy all wrong. I seem to remember seeing one by PETA of a young lady, with pretty much the right cuts properly identified. She looked a bit more tender and juicy, if I recall correctly.

  52. jcmartz.myopenid.com says

    Holy cow. I can almost picture Bill Donohue fuming and screaming, and ranting.

  53. epicureanparadox says

    Are these choice cuts available in a Carolina BBQ sauce/style? *smacks lips*

  54. 'Tis Himself, OM says

    But Wait… Jeseus was Jewish, You can’t eat below the rib-cage. It’s not Kosher.

    Since humans neither chew the cud nor cleave the hoof, no part of them is kosher.

  55. https://me.yahoo.com/a/hMTnrH8JkegRx6gXqRPC43XjYan1vnC7vw--#c00c5 says

    But where’s Jesus’ T-bone?
    Surely the son of god is not all stew meat?

    I’m not ordering a side if there’s no Savior Steaks.

    Longstreet63
    (who needs to stop logging in with a Yahoo account)

  57. hznfrst says

    Hannibal Lecter could give “I love Jesus” a whole new meaning – with a nice Chianti.

  58. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    What’s that the processors say?
    “Everything’s used but the squeal.”

    then that processor doesn’t know what he’s doing

    From the rooter to the tooter

  59. hznfrst says

    Hannibal Lecter could give “I love Jesus” a whole new meaning – with a nice Chianti.

  60. JackC says

    For those of you who are really planning to carve up jebeus when he comes back, don’t use this diagram, its got the anatomy all wrong.

    As was pointed out – several times – earlier, they are hanging Jeebus upside down. No excuse, I know.

    JC

  62. Cath the Canberra Cook says

    Yes, they are surely going to burn in hell. Their knowledge of butchery is total crap. Just about everything is pointing to the wrong spot on the carcass.

    Yeah, I know it’s been said already but I take my cooking seriously damnit! I had lamb shanks with rosemary, red wine & bacon slow cooking overnight. Try that with saviour shanks!

  63. Brain Hertz says

    It’s an outrage!

    The rump, short loin and brisket are all in totally the wrong places. Sheesh.

  65. chgo_liz says

    Insightful Ape @ #28:

    Oh, come on, now.
    Some of us are vegetarians.

    Since the guy supposedly doesn’t die, I think it’s OK for us vegetarians to eat him. Kind of like eating cheese or eggs.

    But, because he’s working his job there on the cross, a vegan would consider eating his manhandles (oh, yes, I had to go there) similar to eating honey: in other words, treif.

  66. JohnnieCanuck says

    A few more like that, Paul @36 and you’ll be Order of the Molly material.

    Braise Him, Braise Him, Braise the Lamb of Cod. Wait…

    Should that be with a white or a red wine?

  68. Screechy_Monkey says

    “I can almost picture Bill Donohue fuming and screaming, and ranting.”

    Donohue is like Old Faithful — he erupts and spouts a lot of hot air every 90 minutes or so.
    If you could run a turbine off outrage, Donohue would single-handedly end the world’s energy problems.

  69. Peter H says

    Has no one noticed that the depiction of crucifixion is quite in error? And every crucifix I’ve ever seen. Roman era churchmen and artists were not expected to be so much up on their anatomy – even though the centurions were, but these present-day threads have many folk who are more aware of the physical aspects of human (is that perhaps my error?) physiology in staging a successful crucifixion?

  70. ironflange says

    Nothing sacrilegious here. Jesus himself said “Take and eat, this is my body.” I’ll go fire up the grill now.

  71. John Twilley says

    One word: TRIPE

    For those of you NOT ROTFLYAO…look it up.

    OK, OK.
    Fried Chitterlings and Hog Maws.
    You wouldn’t want to waste the intestines or stomach!

  72. neurosink says

    @chgo_liz #65

    Insightful Ape @ #28:

    Oh, come on, now. Some of us are vegetarians.

    Since the guy supposedly doesn’t die, I think it’s OK for us vegetarians to eat him. Kind of like eating cheese or eggs.

    But, because he’s working his job there on the cross, a vegan would consider eating his manhandles (oh, yes, I had to go there) similar to eating honey: in other words, treif.

    Yup, I’ve known vegans who have stated (if they were interested) that human flesh would be acceptable if the individual consciously made the decision to donate it. I think they were joking.

    But still, the guy is supposed to be a half-god. Maybe eating him will give us limited god powers (not sure if you can get limited god powers, since they’re…you know…god powers). I’d possibly give up my veganism temporarily for that chance!

  73. deriamis says

    I prefer my Jesus ground up and on bun with mushrooms and swiss. *chomp* Mmmmf gwth!

  75. https://www.google.com/accounts/o8/id?id=AItOawmVT1LBhwmO9ej9LNg7a5e9d-AVJ8ezfmE says

    Soylent Green is god!

  78. Menyambal says

    “The only way that I am ever going to understand Christianity is to kill Jesus and eat his brain.”

  81. the.annabelle.morris.effect says

    Is it bad that my first thought was that you can’t possibly get that much meat from one skinny guy?

  82. Rev. BigDumbChimp says

    One word: TRIPE

    For those of you NOT ROTFLYAO…look it up.

    Why would I be laughing at tripe?

    OK, OK.
    Fried Chitterlings and Hog Maws.
    You wouldn’t want to waste the intestines or stomach!

    Been there for the chitlins, not so much on the Hog Maws.

  83. tiggerthewing#8a4e4 says

    Even some religious people might find this funny. They post similar stuff.

    Last week, on the bus, Number Four Son pointed out a billboard outside a church. Above a sketch image of a crucified Jesus (top half only, fully clothed) were the words:

    “I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH”.