I am now a cover model for CDs.

Look for me soon to be gyrating in a rock video, then comes the feature role in soft-core porn, then the drugs and parties, then the stint in rehab, and finally the special documentary on VH1. Oh, heck, I’m going all the way: I’m taking over for Ozzie once he retires.

This is all predicated on the album being a hit, of course. But how can it not? Not only do I grace the cover art, but it has songs like “The Ecstasy of Mallard” and “Going Gay for House”.