It’s just a frackin’ butt print!

In yet another instance in the chronicles of religious pareidolia, people are flocking to gaze in awe at the wrinkles and bumps in a seat cushion They say it looks like Jesus. Does that make Jesus a butthead?

Antoinette, an 82-year-old parishioner, said the face was a “divine phenomenon” as tears welled up her eyes.

“This church is a holy site,” added Lise-May, another worshipper.

Ladies, you are going into rhapsodies of ecstasy over the dimples in a pillow produced by some old guy’s bony ass. Get real.


  1. Archaneus says

    Looking at the image I think it’s actually a manifestation of some random black face stage performer from so long ago when that was acceptable. Or perhaps it’s just paredolia. Could be that too, I suppose ;).

  2. says

    It’s an alien!

    I believe now in our beneficent Alpha Centaurian masters.

    Of course the miracle is that an ass can produce such profound truths. The lowly butt tells us the secrets of the universe, and not just in the manner that a bunch of drunken idiots claim.

    Seriously, what is it about life that makes people so desperately want something “beyond” no matter how pathetic it appears to “unbelievers”?

    Glen D

  3. says

    Does that make Jesus a butthead?

    Actually, I think it does…

    Ladies, you are going into rhapsodies of ecstasy over the dimples in a pillow produced by some old guy’s bony ass.

    You don’t agree, P.Z.?

  4. says

    Hey- I saw His Noodley-ness last night on my dinner plate. I should have taken a picture- so others can tear up with happiness and make their own pasta.

  5. Marcus says

    Jesus? Hell no, that’s the ancient Polynesian god Papa Moai. Stupid religious seat worshipers getting it wrong. They’ll be sorry when they get done for false idol worship or something.

  6. says

    “This church is a holy site,” added Lise-May, another worshipper.

    Gee, does that constitute an admission that the vast majority of churches that lack Jebus-shaped assprints are not “holy”?


  7. stephanie says

    “Reunion Bishop Gilbert Aubry has so far not commented on the occurrence which came within days of outbursts of violence over the high cost of living on the island whose economy *depends on tourism* and subsidies from the French state.”

    I think that really says everything.

  8. RamblinDude says

    Jesus all over a church pew? Sounds like those crackers gave someone a bit of intestinal distress.

  9. CosmicTeapot says

    I’ve just tried making an image of a face on my chair but it just looks like Gonzo from the muppets.

    Wait a minute, does that mean what I think it means?

    Gonzo is the messiah. All hail Gonzo.

  10. Janine, Insulting Sinner says

    This deserves a caption.

    “Sit on my face and call me Daddy.”

    From beneath you, it devours.

  11. Joe says

    Miracles have always been a bit tawdry, but we’ve still come a long way from t3h Pentacostal Fire.


  12. CrackerNation says

    It looks like George Washington to me. He was such a great Founding Father that he still supports us today.

  13. tarpon says

    BWAHAHAHAHAHA! My holy freakin’ God! These people are definately thier own worst enemy, just open the floor, say “Waht do you believe?” and let them spouteth forth the “Wisdom” of their dogma.

  14. Kitty'sBitch says

    Am I the first to make the “God is an assface” comment?
    Can’t be. Too obvious really.

  15. arekksu says

    i don’t know who the long-haired skinny white guy who keeps cropping up on burnt toast is, but he certainly isn’t a palestinian carpenter.

  16. Not that Louis says

    I’m not sure who I see in there, but he’s wearing glasses. Did Jesus wear glasses?

  17. says

    Um, we’re absolutely sure this isn’t a Poe, right? Yeah, I know that what with Dave Wilkerson’s sandwiches and all there’s no known limit to religio-supertitious stupidity, but still….

  18. Sgt. Obvious says

    You’re all nuts. It’s CLEARLY one of those old hecklers on the balcony from The Muppet Show.

  19. Jello says

    I see . . . wrinkles in a seat cushion. Can we go back to the peace of toast now? At least if you squinted at that one you could get the idea. Honestly, if Rome can truly channel divine authority you would think they could instigate some quality control practices on these manifestations.

  20. Kitty'sBitch says

    Y’know, this explains why my first prostate exam was such a powerful experience.
    It didn’t make me want to pray, but it did cause me to hand the doctor my phone number scrawled on a bar napkin.
    Best dentist evah!!

  21. God Retardent says

    PZ Said “Ladies, you are going into rhapsodies of ecstasy over the dimples in a pillow produced by some old guy’s bony ass. Get real.

    Wrong, It’s obviously the outline of a fat womans vigina, this could be verified by a olfaction test

  22. God Retardent says

    PZ Said “Ladies, you are going into rhapsodies of ecstasy over the dimples in a pillow produced by some old guy’s bony ass. Get real.

    Wrong, It’s obviously the outline of a fat womans vigina, this could be verified by a olfaction test

  23. Janine, Ignorant Slut says

    I know that this is only a typo on Jello’s part but I love the concept it implies.

    Can we go back to the peace of toast now?

    Was it toast that imposed peace on humans? Or are we to try to achieve the peace that toast has?

  24. NMcC says

    It looks like fuck all to me…

    …probably because I’m not as imaginative as an 82 year old woman who’s been sitting on Jesus’s face.

  25. Beth B. says

    Am I the only one who doesn’t see anything remotely resembling a face? And I’m the one who used to amuse myself in school by seeing how many faces I could find in the random tile patterns on the floor. My powers grow weak…

  26. Drosera says

    (On my knees, hand-wringing:) “Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Father, forgive me for having been an atheist. Now I see that I was wrong.”

  27. says

    To the Monty Python tune….

    Sit on my face, and call me the Messiah
    All over the place, you’ll see me and my mum, too
    I love the pareidolia
    I’ve never been holia
    You blow me away!

    Sit on my face, and let my lips embrace you
    I died on the cross to prove I love you truly
    Drop all your strife, it’s a long afterlife
    If you stop all your pushin’ and sit on the cushion
    And fart till I’m blown away

  28. Michael says

    WOW. Don’t you love the things the Jebus folks will grasp at to reassure themselves of their delusions? Jesus in a Cheeto, toast, piss stains, and now someones ass print.

  29. Arthur Dent says

    Usually I’m skeptical but this time it looks like the real thing to me. I’ve made an appointment with the Priest at the local parish to discuss my conversion.

  30. AL says

    Meh. I think it looks like an unflattering portrait of Neil Gaiman, as drawn by Dave McKean.

  31. Inky says

    Aw man!! That’s what I get for posting before skimming through previous comments! Cuttlefish beat me to the song AND made it funnier!

  32. SaraJ says

    Did Jesus get collagen injections in his lips right before he showed up in that seat cushion? Because his lips are looking mighty plump.

  33. CatBallou says

    It’s not a butt print. That’s the back of the chair, not the seat.

    See? Now it’s all true!

  34. Bethor says

    Janine @#37 :

    I am greatly amused (and relieved, given how geeky that is) that I wasn’t the only one to immediately think “From beneath you, it devours”…

    or should that be “it eats you, starting with your bottom” ? ;)

  35. Rudi says

    Why can’t I find this funny? Why does my heart sink through the floor when I read about inaninity like this?

    These people give me no choice except to think they are utterly pathetic, it’s like they WANT me to think they are feeble and stupid. I HATE it that they put me in that position.

  36. Newfie says

    I, for one, am glad that Muslims aren’t always finding images of Mohammed in a slice of toast or pita bread…. wait a sec… they aren’t allowed to.. haha.

  37. Janine, Insulting Sinner says

    Bethor, all varieties of geekdom is celebrated here. Make those references, there will be some people who get it. And I was thinking of using that quote.

  38. azqaz says

    Tats not Jebus, that is the Martian Manhunter! The DC comics universe is real! Soon we shall see the holy Batarang in toast, and then… Yes, then we shall see the holiest of holies. We shall see the crest of Superman in the mold on the wall of an interstate overpass. Then it will be the time of Armageddon when the great and mighty will come and smite the wicked non believers who follow the abomination of Marvel Comics. Surely the Nerdgasm is upon us.

    Well, it sounds as logically coherent as the people in the article.

  39. uppity cracka says

    Jebus, in a muffled voice:

    “you’re sitting on my face!”


    “you’re SITTING on my FACE!”

    “Oh, sorry, Jebus.”

  40. Crudely Wrott says

    More evidence that the church goin’ crowd is motivated by fear.

    You can see the clench marks on the seat cushions.

    Sort of like the claw marks sometime found on the inside of old coffins when someone wasn’t quite dead yet.

    Some scary shit is laid down in the house of the lord, lemme tell ya.

  41. dyingoflaughter says

    This one had me laughing so hard I was crying. Honestly, it looks like Ronald McDonald to me.

  42. says

    This is an outrageous example of religious naivety, but it does help to explain why my underwear was always getting jammed up the crack of my ass when I sat through church services.


  43. says

    I made a post over at my website after reading about this story here, but before reading the comments. I too fingered Jimmy Durante as well as Bozo the Clown.



  44. pvrugg says

    This may not be proof of God, but is proof of the Thetans of Scientology!

    OMG – Tom Cruise is NOT a whackjob!! He’s right!

    So maybe would could call it Thetan Ass-Clown?

  45. jellay says

    Wow. That’s a horrible Jesus. Their standards are waning. Doesn’t even look like a face really.
    If only people knew that even as babies we instinctively look for shapes of the face… Public education is a failure and needs to be revolutionized.

  46. jellay says

    Wow. That’s a horrible Jesus. Their standards are waning. Doesn’t even look like a face really.
    If only people knew that even as babies we instinctively look for shapes of the face… Public education is a failure and needs to be revolutionized.

  47. Donnie B. says

    Wait a sec… has anybody checked the corresponding part of the priest (either butt or back, depending on which cushion that is)?

    Maybe Jesus is there, kind of like Voldemort on the back of Quirell’s head.

    Now that would be convincing evidence. Especially if it started to preach the Beatitudes.

  48. Bren says

    Of course you know, PZ, that the preferred spelling is ‘fraking’, and that ‘fracking’ is is the antiquated spelling. ;)

  49. gsenski says

    Makes sense to me, I’ve always concluded that the christers have Jesus up their ass.

  50. !! says

    Oh, Mark Abion @ #82, yes! Or that! I definitely see dreads. Could be Adam Duritz, too. The face isn’t so clear, but the dreads…ya mon.

  51. Max says

    That’s not Christ! That’s that pervy landlord a friend of mine had a few years back who passed away.

  52. mayhempix says

    There’s nuthin’ like pulling Jebus right out of your ass.
    Must be rough cracker excrement that caused those tears to well.
    Where’s the Preparation H when you need it?

  53. Stefan says

    …Looks like a Ninja Turtle to me. Which is, frankly, more awesome than if it was a Jesus face.

  54. Vestrati says

    My first impression before reading any posts was also easter island statues.

    Granted, I’d get more enjoyment rubbing my ass all over a jebus’s cushion face.

  55. Twin-Skies says

    Lemme get this straight:

    4,000 years ago: 7 plagues of Egypts, parting of the Red Sea, Sodom and Gommorah

    2,000 years ago: Guy comes back to life, water turns into wine, blind can see

    Today: Images in grilled cheese and church seats

    Writer’s block can be something fierce it seems.

  56. 'Tis Himself says

    God is definitely going down hill. He used to create universes and worlds, later on he fed thousands of people with manna (whatever that is), did the burning bush thing, raised folks and himself from the dead, stuff like that. Real miracles. Now he appears on pieces of toast and seat cushions.

  57. mogleum says

    Bren @ 109, It’s actually “frakking”. “Fraking” would sound like “frāking (frayking)”.

  58. says

    I didn’t see anything at first, but then when I turned my head to the side I thought it kind of looked like Mr. Potatohead with his big lips on.

  59. says

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  60. KI says

    I’ve told you people before that’s Ted Nugent. Careful or you’ll get a butt full of hunting arrows if you don’t accept his awesome powers!

  61. says

    They say it looks like Jesus.

    How do they know what Jesus looks like? It’s not like we have portraits of him dating back to his time.

  62. Stephen C. says

    That’s got to be the worse example of pareidolia I’ve ever seen. Phil Plait’s “Lenin in the shower curtain” beats this butt print by a longshot! Honestly, if this cushion looks like anyone, I think it looks like Grimace, the big purple idiot from McDonaldland.

  63. says

    Oh no, does this mean that some guy is running around with a mirror image of Jesus on his bottom? Shouldn’t we do something about him — burn him or stone him or something?

  64. craicmonkey says

    I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Really? This is the best he can do? Your god, the one who created EVERYTHING, this is how he chooses to reveal himself? God works in mysterious ways? No, God apparently works in asinine (ass-inine?) ways. Seriously, I wouldn’t be too proud of associating with this joker who doen’t seem to perform much more than parlour tricks. Even if your life is driven by irrational belief, you have to admit that this doesn’t make any sense! Creator of the Universe. Butt print. Creator of the Universe. Butt print. Wha-?

  65. says

    aw, c’mon craicmonkey, He also helps athletes win stuff sometimes. That’s big! I mean, millions of people watch that. Maybe he’d help a starving kid somewhere if it was on the teevee.

  66. craicmonkey says

    ilsita @ #146

    That kills me when athletes thank God for the win. What happens if they lose? (see my blog ) I’m waiting for one of them to come out with a shirt that says, “God is my ‘roid.” For people who talk about God in such grand, all-encompassing terms, they really can’t seem get past the level of your garden variety Ba’al. Silly devotees, trix are for kids.

  67. Pawneehawk1 says

    Looks like my uncle Cleophus after his lip enlargement surgurey. I’m sure it’s him! Yeah, thats it, i just know it’s him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!