For a little context, you need to know that we had a foreign exchange student from Italy living with us for a year. If you’ve been reading this blog for long, you may also know that I have somewhat strong feelings about religion—OK, I’m one of those surly evil atheists your momma warned you to avoid.
So now go read this story of a Polish foreign exchange student who came to the US…and found his host parents were Christian fundamentalists. Keep in mind that foreign exchange programs are often stressful, and sometimes the students and host families experience a little culture shock, but still…!
I don’t know exactly what our student thought of us—she hasn’t been interviewed in Spiegel and given an opportunity to dish the dirt—but despite my horned and fanged reputation, when she came to stay with us we showed her where the local Catholic church was and told her we’d willingly give her a ride if she wanted to go. We didn’t try to convert her to atheism, either, or make plans to have her disseminate our godless doctrines when she got home.
I guess we missed our opportunity.
The most striking and significant phrase in the article:
After all, these people were my only company at the time. If I hadn’t kept in touch with home through e-mail, I might have been sucked into that world.
I think this is true; when you isolate people it is relatively easy to brainwash them. That guy was saved by his intelligence and the Internet.
Well, at least they didn’t sacrifice him to the Lord. He came away with his life…….
First!
Well, the interview was very interesting and the experience was what you would expect when forcing a “culture clash” between a secular and a fundamentalist. I wonder, do the organizations that arrange those exchanges ask after religious preferences? I mean, a moslem in a christian household could be an even more interesting setting…
The only thing that I do not understand is the end of the interview. It seems that the student thinks that he owes the fundies an apology, but the reverse is true. I think that the guest family was rude and impolite in the extreme. They had the responsibility to check if their guest would share their worldview in advance.
bcpmoon – The guest family was insane.
Ick.
What I don’t get is, where was the hosting agency in all this? Didn’t they vet the families at all? Or (more likely) did the fundies lie to them about their intentions?
There are all kinds of different hosting agencies, and this one doesn’t say who was in charge. Our arrangement was with American Field Service, who are very good and professional and have a very international outlook…that is, they are not USAcentric. Our exchange student had regular get-togethers with other students under the supervision of the organization, so many opportunities were give for her to talk with people away from our oppressive eye.
Other groups are, I think, a little more parochial. Local civic organizations also sponsor exchange students — out here, we have Kiwanis and the Sons of Norway doing that sort of thing. I don’t think there’s anything generally wrong with those groups, but their local organization is going to reflect the local community more…so that student may not have had a way out through them. They might have been just like the parents.
The other thing to keep in mind, though, is that one of the purposes of foreign exchange is to get to know people and a culture different from yours (he certainly got that, didn’t he?) Family conflicts come up all the time, and what the organizers do and should do is apply pressure to the kids and families to stick it out and try and accommodate each other.
And did she ask for that ride, or otherwise decide to go to mass while she was in the U.S.?
When I was still married, my now-ex and I took advantage of AFS and hosted a German student. We had been given a bio of three students, what their religious prefs were (and how important it was to them.) We hosted a non-church going Lutheran, and there was no religious conflict. When her parents came to visit during the year, they didn’t even ask where the nearest church was. It worked out pretty well.
The students made friends with other AFS students in the area, and we made friends with other host parents. It was a great experience, especially for our younger children who learned a bit about Germany. We also have a place to stay if we go to Hamburg.
I would encourage people to look into it, but don’t push your values on the student. Learn from them as much as they learn from you.
I don’t know about this particular person, PZ, but I understand Poland to be one of the most religious countries in Europe. I recently saw somewhere(don’t have the reference now)that one of their high officials had called for replacement of evolution in their schools with creationism.
Being a slow blogger myself, I can’t believe I beat you to this story by almost 12 hours!
And this family lives an hour’s drive from me. That’s why I stick to Chapel Hill – the oasis of normalcy in the ocean of insanity (I did see some crosses burning a few years ago when I drove out into the countryside).
I was a foreign exchange student to West Germany back when there was such a place. My experience was absolutely fabulous and life-changing. Those of some of my friends was considerably less so.
A lot of things can make a placement not work out. One friend wound up in a family whose home was insanely regimented. A female friend was placed in a family whose ideal of feminity was the obedient Hausfrau. So religion’s not the only culprit, but my heart goes out to this student. For some reason, there are families out there who think an exchange student would make a charming and exotic pet — and from the agency’s perspective many of them interview really well.
(On the flipside, I also knew students who thought a host family would make a nice set of charming and exotic servants, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.)
From the story it seems that this student’s agency could have been more involved. Where were they while he was going through all this? And why did they take two months to relocate him after he’d made up his mind?
My agency was AFS, and I have nothing but good to say about them. Prior to arrival at our host families, we had over a week of preparation, first at a New York college campus, then at a German youth hostel. Among other things we were repeatedly warned that not all placements worked; if it was clear we had a “family from hell,” we should contact AFS. After arrival, my AFS contact wrote and met with me regularly. AFS was always supportive, ready to work out difficulties between a family and a student, but also (based on friends’ experiences) quick to change the placement when it wasn’t working out.
PZ, these people apparently specifically wanted a Polish kid, not so they could show him the wonders of baseball or the best restaurant in Greensboro, but because they wanted him to help impose their looniness on the good people of Krakow. (Also, how normal is it for host parents to tell their exchange students how long it’s been since they “did” it?)(17 years? Way to sell a teenage boy on your lifestyle, folks.) This wasn’t a regular cultural exchange. And wasn’t a regular family conflict.
You expect the exchange agency to be able to tell the difference. I’ve always heard great things about AFS. I hope this wasn’t them.
* * *
OT-ish, but these people were not merely religious, but clearly off their trolleys. Not to say that all believers are crazy, but there’s a real attraction between people who do have mental problems and the fungible alternative reality offered by religion. So what happens when atheists lose it? Do they get religion? Something else?
(Nor to say that all crazy people are religious, but the guilt-tripping insistence on accepting the forementioned alternative reality, even when it contradicts everything you know and can see, doesn’t exactly promote sanity. So it’s possible that crazy, religious people have a chicken-and-egg thing going.)
I was an exchange student in the UK back in the 1980s three times and each time was fabulous. Especially the last family – every member worked in a different pub so picking them all up after work (meaning, after midnight) meant a lot of free beer for me – that was a great indoctrination into the Church Of Guinness!
Courtnix:
Good nongod, run away. As fast as you can.
Molly:
This was my first thought as well. The point was not to undertake a cultural exchange; it was the “save souls” or, if you prefer, commit mental rape.
Had that kid been mine, I would have demanded explanations of the exchange agency in charge, as well as an apology. The host family was attempting to do something utterly filthy, making the story something almost on par with, say, being hosted by Mark Foley.
Now there’s a church I wouldn’t mind visiting every Sunday. And Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, etc… ;)
Right now, an enterprising Polish TV producer is optioning this kid’s story. I’d watch…
Back in the 90’s, I was an exchange student in Essen, Germany. I remember filling out the questionaire beforehand, and one of the questions was “On a scale of 1 to 5, how religious are you?” Now, the interesting thing is that there was no follow-up question “What religion are you?” For some reason, they just figured highly religious people would automatically get along, regardless of different creeds.
Meanwhile, there was a girl in our group who was a solid Mormon “5”. She had every intention of saving some heathen souls while practising a little German. Now, this is where things got funny: the school set her up with an equally devout family… of Muslim immigrants from India(!) After she started proselytizing to their only son (who was eight), the family politely asked for a change, which was handled discretely and immediately. This entire process took place in the first ten days. Precious.
I don’t know about this particular person, PZ, but I understand Poland to be one of the most religious countries in Europe. I recently saw somewhere(don’t have the reference now)that one of their high officials had called for replacement of evolution in their schools with creationism.
Most Polish Christians are Roman Catholic, and there seems to have been a strain of crackpot creationism popping up among ultraconservative Catholics recently. However, it’s still less of an issue with most Catholics than it is with American fundamentalist Christians. In fact, if the student had been devoutly Catholic instead of not overtly religious, he probably would have been in for even more psychological abuse from the host family. I doubt they’d be the type to welcome Catholics as fellow Christians.
Ah, the hospitality of “true” Christians.
My friend was an exchange student somewhere in the mid west in the late nineties, and he was forced by his host family to join the local marching band. I think his experience was equally terrifying.
bcpmoon
There are a lot of Muslim/Christian Palestinian/Israeli etc exchange programs. Use Google.
Here is sort of one: Muslims and American (even Jewish) host program: http://www.ayusa.org/news/media_center
When Umair’s friends heard he was going to the United States, they feared that he would no longer be a Muslim when he returned.
“But when I arrived here in America, I realized we had the freedom,” he said.
Faizun Rothi’s friends in Bangladesh didn’t think Americans would be very friendly.
“We had the idea that American parents weren’t very caring about their families,” said Rothi, 16. “But the people here are really nice.”
Her host mom, Laura Daniels of Overland Park, said her family’s only trepidation about hosting a student was related to religion: They’re Jewish, and hosting a Muslim student from some nations could have been complicated.
“But this is the best opportunity we have to learn about Islam in the least political way,” she said. “No agenda, no politics, just people.”
Perhaps the biggest surprise for the four exchange students is that before they clear up misconceptions about their nation, they must describe its location.
When Muna said she was from Palestine, “they ask, ‘Where is that?’ They think it’s in Europe,” she said.
Same issue came up recently with an exchange student in Austin – atheist student placed with fundies. Fortunately, he contacted the Atheist Community of Austin who quickly found an atheist family to host him.
Bravo. I confess, I would have expected you to DEMAND that the poor girl be at least an agnostic. Guess I was wrong, and am happy to be so.
When Muna said she was from Palestine, “they ask, ‘Where is that?’ They think it’s in Europe,” she said.
Amazing to think that a family is getting a student from overseas, and doesn’t even bother to look up where they are from before the student arrives.
It could have been worse. One could end up in a Minnesota xian family like Congressman Mark Olsen’s,
“With a Bible in his hand and looking haggard from two nights behind bars, Rep. Mark Olson, R-Big Lake, walked out of the Sherburne County jail Tuesday seeking forgiveness from his wife, the public and God after being charged with two misdemeanor counts of domestic assault after an incident Sunday at his home.
Olson, 51, who was just elected to his eighth term in the Legislature, stopped short of acknowledging guilt for the charges.
“I have failed terribly in my family affairs. I’m grateful for my wife’s strength to speak up. First of all I need God’s forgiveness and I need my wife’s forgiveness and my family’s. Then I need the public’s forgiveness and all other officials I’ve done harm to.” Olson was released without bail. He was ordered to stay away from his wife and children and from their home.”
http://www.startribune.com/587/story/810526.html
Courtnix:
Come on now. You just slipped this in and nobody took you to task. You must have seen lawn jockeys and lynchings too. I know you are just kidding but isn’t this a little insensitive?
Many of the non-religious ideologies have variants ideal for the discerning crank. For the right-wing sort, there are “think”-tanks in which the free-market is worshipped. For the left-wing sort, there are schools of thought that analyze everything in terms of class warfare. (Or war between the sexes, or war between the races). Actually you can find this on the right-wing too, generally with the “good guys” reversed with the “bad guys”. Conspiracy theories, whether it is 9/11 conspiracies or Apollo landing hoax theories enjoy support across the political spectrum. For that extra-special dose of irony, one can become a Chompsky-groupie.
But if ideology isn’t one’s thing, there’s also cargo-cult science. I.D. does seem to be to be a religious fundy preoccupation, but “Lorentzian Ether Theory” has broader support. (Poor Lorentz deserves better.) And there is plenty of medical woo out there.
Worshipping “reason” is also popular, particularly if one is utterly clueless when it comes to philosophy, or logic for that matter. This one seems particularly popular among atheists.
And if one doesn’t want to share one’s crankery with the religious sort, well there’s always Objectivism or Communism.