All Jesus, all the time


Jesus. Everyone is sending me their local manifestations of Jesus…here’s another one, imbedded in a plank in a deck. And it’s for sale!

It’s a real bargain, too—this Jesus is not your ordinary dime-a-dozen clumsily scrawled Jesus, but is clearly rendered by the ghost of Picasso.


  1. Christian says

    Wooden jesus where are you from
    Korea or canada or maybe taiwan
    I didn’t know it was the holy land
    But I believed from the minute
    The check left my hand, and I pray

    Can I be saved, I spent all my money
    On a future grave
    Wooden jesus I’ll cut you in
    On twenty percent of my future sin

    Porcelain mary her majesties pure
    Looking for virgin territory
    Coat hanger halos don’t come cheap
    From television shepherds with living room
    Sheep, and I pray

    Can I be saved, I spent all my money
    On a future grave
    Wooden jesus I’ll cut you in
    On twenty percent of my future sin

    “Wooden Jesus”
    Temple of the Dog

    I thought this might make sense given the pic for this post….

  2. Don Culberson says

    This is no joke… no hokey vague image in a muffin… nope the real thing… only 5 miles from the Plaster Jebus, too.. and Leprechauns are WAY more interesting than out-of-wedlock god-bebbes…

    Mobile… my hometown!
    Uncle Don

  3. Pete K says

    Picasso-esque, yes. It looks more like two half-melted masks of Jesus, stuck together, to me.

  4. Benzene says

    Benzene needs help.
    He’s an undergrad who has a 10-page research summary paper due date quickly approaching, and doesn’t yet know what he wants to write about. The task is to simply talk about and analyze an animal taxon. The task is cruelly vague. Orignally, Benzene wanted to pick an endoparasite and use it as a jumping off point of invesitigate the co-evolution of endoparasites and the human immune system as a vehicle for laying credence to the hygiene hypothesis of allergies. But that hasn’t worked out. So Benzene needs a cool animal (i.e. not C. elegans or D. melanogaster) upon which research has been done that he can write about.
    Your suggestions please?

  5. says

    It looks to me like one of the female baddies from the classic Japanese anime Captain Harlock, the Mazone, although I often think of them as the Sylvidres because I saw the French dubbed version of Harlock, Albator, as a teenager. Anyways Mazone agents are generally tall, lithsome women with long hair who wear hooded capes while sneaking about, and whose eyes sometimes glow when they’re menacing someone.

  6. David says

    Wow! I just ran a plank that looked like that through planer. Doesn’t look much like the savior anymore though. Does that fall under heresy or sacriledge?

  7. Turnip says

    It’s fairly obviously General Grevious from Star Wars III nonchalantly vomiting. Perhaps he saw the movie he was in.

  8. bad Jim says

    As is most often the case with Jesus pareidolia, this is an image of Fidel Castro. Of the remaining cases, a considerable portion are actually Jerry Garcia.

  9. says

    It took me a few seconds to puzzle it out, but it finally came together…

    Roger the alien from American Dad!

  10. BlueIndependent says

    I say we keep posting and watering down the whole “I saw Jesus in (insert object)”…that way it’ll become a ubiquitous function of urban legend, and thus lose its impact.

  11. povertyrich says

    At Emma’s bar in River Falls, Wisconsin, there used to be an image of Jesus between the urinals in the men’s room. True tale!

  12. Doozer says

    this Jesus is not your ordinary dime-a-dozen clumsily scrawled Jesus, but is clearly rendered by the ghost of Picasso.

    I was thinking more Johnny Hart. Which is only fitting, as it would drive the jeezers nuts. OK, nutser…

  13. says

    That doesn’t look anything like Yassir Arafat, which I suspect is closer to what a hypothetical historical Jesus would look like …

    Benzene, Homo sapiens is a pretty well studied animal…

    (In 6th grade we had to do a report on an astronomical object, and I chose the Earth.)

  14. RH Bourdeau says

    Well, thanks PZ! I was starting to think my otherwordly manifestation wasn’t as worthy as plaster jebus and jebus on the crotch. Before the excitement dies down on these incredible blessings, I hope I can sell it! This seems much cooler than a grilled cheese.

  15. CCP says

    not sure of whom it’s an image, but I’m pretty sure that’s a dowsing rod there to the left of it.

  16. Shell says

    “rendered by the ghost of Picasso.”

    No, of Dali!

    Or maybe Vermeer, whose ghost has been seen before:

    _The Ghost of Vermeer of Delft Which Can Be Used as a Table_ (1934) Salvador Dali

  17. Russ says

    Hey, I got Jesus, too! The closer from my screen door was ripped off the door by a big gust. The screw holes make perfect eyes, a dent in the wood forms a mouth, and some staining creates a beautiful aura about the whole heavenly face. Ok, maybe it really does more closely resemble Darwin, but pictures of Darwin formed by “natural selection” don’t do well on e-bay. Jesus is the real cash cow.

  18. Christophe Thill says

    In his classic cycle of “Manitou” horror novels, Graham Masterton explains that there is a hideous entity called the Great Old One (shades of Lovecraft…) lurking behind our reality. everytime you notice something strange like a face or a silhouette in wood, in the folds on a cloth, in the shape of a cloud, in a tree, it’s actually the Great Old One trying to set foot in our world again.
    So whoever said “Jesus” might want to think twice…

  19. Fernando Magyar says

    “rendered by the ghost of Picasso.”

    Wonder why they added the Mondrian border on the Ebay posting?

    I guess they don’t know much about art either…

    Praise the Board! Now that might make a nice bumber sticker.

    It also might add new meaning to “shiver me timbers”

  20. i dunno says

    Hey! If you squint your eyes just right, and really, really believe, my [body part redacted] looks just like the body of Christ! Communion, anyone?

  21. Sixpak Chopra says

    Looks like Odin to me. BTW, the auction ended w/no bids. Apparently not worth $999…

  22. RH Bourdeau says

    Looks like Odin to me. BTW, the auction ended w/no bids. Apparently not worth $999…
    Now wait a minute. That’s a premature conclusion! I was originally going to start the bidding at $9999. Maybe that’s my mistake. I undervalued it! Have to think a little more about my marketing efforts too…..

  23. Martin Watts says

    I’ve just found a comic about on that seems appropriate to this thread. See:

    Summary: snowbound community of zealots short on food. Only flour, eggs and milk remaining. But something is wrong with the frying pan and everything comes out with the face of their saviour on it. As the hunger gets worse questions arise…