Echidne has a great suggestion: a War on Easter! After all, our godless War on Christmas almost gave Bill O’Reilly a stroke, so maybe if we take a shot at him twice a year we’ll finally see his head explode on television. Echidne is taking a hard line against little yellow chicks, which is a fine start, but I can think of a few others.
- The date is ridiculous, changing from year to year and calculated by some absurd algorithm based on phases of the moon or something. It’s on 16 April this year. I suggest that we fix it to 10 April every year: it’s somewhat arbitrary, but it is Max Von Sydow’s birthday, and he did play Jesus in The Greatest Story Ever Told. He was also a great Ming the Merciless in Flash Gordon.
- The only good thing about Easter is that it is a fertility festival. I suggest that we emphasize good, conservative, traditionalist values, and insist that it be celebrated properly: everyone gets naked and frolic in the nearest freshly plowed corn field and, ummm, “plows the field” some more.
- The reason for the season is Eostre. While we’ve been wallowing in the commercialism of Cadbury creme eggs and chocolate bunnies, we’ve been neglecting the pagan fertility goddess behind it all. For shame! Too many people act as if the name of the holiday is “Jesuster”.
- There is also a tradition of blood sacrifice here. I’m a little squeamish about that (“plowing fields” is more my style), but I’d encourage any Christian fundamentalists who want to celebrate that sentiment to go ahead and nail themselves up on boards or practice self-flagellation. Maybe we can even say that if you aren’t bleeding on Easter, you must not be a True Christian.
Although, come to think of it, I’ll probably be about as fervent about any War on Easter as I was in the War Against Christmas. I think we’ll have to hope that some quasi-Christian poseur takes it up as a theme, because I fear we godless are just going to say “eh” again.
I suggest that we fix it to 10 April every year: it’s somewhat arbitrary, but it is Max Von Sydow’s birthday, and he did play Jesus in The Greatest Story Ever Told.
I for one thought he made a more credible messiah as Brewmeister Smith.
That “Eoster” etymology is just pagan nastiness. In fact, Easter derives from the ancient Jewish feast of unleavened bread, but it celebrates the *risen* Christ, hence the name, which was originally “Yeaster.”
Incidentally, as anyone who has ever eaten the stuff knows, “feast of unleavened bread” is a bit of a contradiction.
A biology question – since yeast emits CO2, is Passover the climatologically safest time of the year? Am I contributing to global warming when I bake bread?
Count me in!
Down with easter! :)
We should ban the public sale or display of eggs around Easter. It might make people cry.
Technically you should be doing the self mutilation the Friday before Easter — Never have figured out what’s so good about it.
But the variable date based on the lunar cycle is part of the pagany fertility festival connection! And the algorithm isn’t that weird. It’s the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox. How hard is that?
Celebrate Easter:
F*** a rabbit.
OH yes! Count me in :-)
Now to the question… is Eostre/Ostara related to Sheela na gig? (Google it yourselves :-) Should she be our emblem? She’s on so many English churches, how could he object?
To Gecko: While there are blisters on Matzoh, there is most definitely no yeast. It’s just flour and water which, as we all know, makes glue. This leads up to the joke about Shavu’ot celebrating the end of the constipation.
10 April is also my birthday. I’d thank you very much not to associate the whole Jesus thing with me.
LOL !!
Help keep Charleston SC clean.
Eat a pigeon for Easter.
left_wing_fox: It should be f*** like rabbits.
And can we please do away with those nasty Peeps things? And the friggin’ plastic grass that gets everywhere, too?
Tara: Easter is actually after the Paschal Full Moon, which doesn’t necessarily always coincide with a physically-occuring full moon.
And I say microwave those nasty-assed little marshmallow chickens!
I don’t think anyone here truly appreciates the contributions marshmallow peeps can make to materials science. They’re impervious to everything, except phenol (and that takes more than an hour).
They’re impervious to everything, except phenol (and that takes more than an hour).
Dustin, I shudder to think how you know that.
As I said over at Echidne’s, I’m cool with a war on Easter, as long as I get my ham dinner. Hold the scalloped potatoes, though; I’m allergic to dairy.
It was on a website. I would have put up a link, but now I can’t seem to find it.
Lets agree that one of the nicest benefits of easter is jellybeans. With or without that fake grass. Especially licorice. As far as the calculation of the date of easter is concerned, it was a major concern for many hundreds of years back when our cultural ancestors could barely count on their fingers.
Peep research can be found here: http://www.peepresearch.org/
I don’t think anyone here truly appreciates the contributions marshmallow peeps can make to materials science. They’re impervious to everything, except phenol (and that takes more than an hour).
Try liquid N2 and a hammer.
I suggest that we fix it to 10 April every year: it’s somewhat arbitrary, but it is Max Von Sydow’s birthday, and he did play Jesus in The Greatest Story Ever Told.
The best Jesus by far: Jeffrey Hunter in Nick Ray’s “King of Kings.”
Marshmallow peeps can be used to protect our soldiers. They can be used to quickly build affordable housing. They could offer a viable option for missile defense, and also as reactor casings for sustainable fusion reactions, thereby supplying the masses with a virtually boundless supply of power. One day, mankind will be carried to the stars in a marhmallow peep.
Unfortunately, the marshmallow peep will be unable to solve world hunger.
I like Easter. Next to Halloween, it’s my favorite holiday. I LOVE peeps, and dying eggs, and chocolate bunnies, especially of the Godiva variety. Extra points for Godiva white chocolate bunnies. mmm…..
Jesus of Montreal was an excellent film.
True story: members of my race will die out without being able to consume Cadbury Creme Eggs between January and April. Being able to stock up on them cheaply after Easter is also must.
They are not part of the crass commercialism; they provide the energy necessary for our fertility rites.
The pagan naming is a feature of English. In most of the romance languages, the name for easter is a derivation of passover. In Spanish, it is pascua.
I wish to point out that Flash Gordon “saved every one of us,” adding credence to the Von Sydow connection.
Let’s not forget that Max Von Sydow also starred as the knight in Bergman’s The Seventh Seal, which in addition to showing the mercilessness of this supposed “god” fellow (the black plague was a real bummer), also inspired the brilliant satirical performance of William Sadler as Death in Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. Don’t fear the reaper.
Ah yes, but Max void Sydow also plays the mad/evil scientist in Bob and Dougs “Strange Brew” eh? Can’t forget that.
I can’t believe you all haven’t figured out Easter should always be on 1 April. I mean, come on guys!!!!!!!!!!!!
First Sunday After (but not on) the first Full Moon after (but not on) the Vernal Equinox. Makes about as much sense as using a cruel torture/execution device as your symbol — along with bunnies and chocolate eggs.
The pagan media package was always better.
My birthday is April 11th. As a child, the arrival of Cadbury Creme Eggs in stores became a herald of my coming birthday.
Fox may not have it yet, but Bob Davis on KSTP was up in arms about St. Paul removing an Easter display from City Hall. That’s right. St. Paul has fired the “peep” heard ’round the world.
Also, Max von Sydow fought and was killed by Pazuzu in “The Exorcist.” No word on whether Father Merrin has risen from the grave yet.
Here’s a quote for Easter (which happens to fall on my birthday this year):
—Eric Hoffer, from The True Believer
I need to read that book.
Christmas? Easter? Bah! Let’s declare war on St. Michael’s day (michelmas). He’s been getting off far too lightly, for far too long.
-jcr
First Friday-to-Monday wholly in April would be even better …..
Meanwhile, I’m off to buy some rabbit for rabbit-with-mustard-and-bacon. Burp.
I thought the Eostre story had been seriously called into question, with no source whatever preceding or corroborating a mention by the Venerable Bede (who himself observed that worship of the goddess has ceased long before his time, making it sound remarkably like a monastic legend). On the other hand, Wikipedia notes that
…making it inccidentally apposite for a religious festival, no?
“Echidne is taking a hard line against little yellow chicks, which is a fine start”
I’m afraid I can’t get on board with this. Given that my fiancee is a smallish Thai girl, I am rather fond of little yellow chicks.
Outeast:
I thought the Eostre story had been seriously called into question, with no source whatever preceding or corroborating a mention by the Venerable Bede
An alternative derivation of the word ‘Easter’ is from the Old-English Word ‘East’ meaning….east. Essentially, East means the same in Old and modern English. The proposal is that the name “Easter” is derived from the habit of performing over-night vigils and then having a worship service at sunrise on Easter Sunday. We all know where the sun rises.
I’m inclined to believe the East –> Easter derivation for a couple of reasons:
1. The penchant for speculative etymology and history among ancient writers combined with the complete lack of evidence for the goddess Eostre outside Bede.
2. we don’t have to wonder how “Eo” in Eostre became “Ea” in Easter. The word is already “Easter” not “Eoster” in known Anglo-Saxon dialects.
3. The early missionaries to the Germanic peoples were not noted for their tolerance of paganism. Rather, they attempted to totally obliterate pagan religion. It’s one of the reasons we know so little about pre-Christian English religion. Yet, we are supposed to believe that they accepted the name of a pagan goddess for the most holy of all the Church’s festivals. In other cases, we may see Christian festivals held on or around the date of pagan festivals, but we don’t see the church adopting the name of the pagan festival.
The pagan naming is a feature of English. In most of the romance languages, the name for easter is a derivation of passover. In Spanish, it is pascua.
True, but many languages have a pagan word for Christmas (Jul, etc..), so the war on Christmas has long traditions just like the war on Easter :)
And of the War on Lent, you say nothing?!
“And of the War on Lent, you say nothing?!”
I find the best way to make war on lint is to make sure to clean the filter on my clothes dryer regularly.
I used to be Catholic, but I gave it up for Lent.
Guys, I’m afraid the wingnuts beat you to the punch. (via Pandagon)
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=49406
Also, I believe Mr. Sydow is an atheist (sorry if someone else mentioned this and I missed it – or if that was the whole point of choosing him – I’m dense).
I was very grateful to see that the Catholics did not start up with “Keep the SAINT in St. Valentine’s Day” or “Cupid is ruining St. Valentine’s Day!” Kudos to the Catholics on that one.
But perhaps PZ is right: we’re going to see “the Easter Bunny is ruining Easter” complaints, with accompanying whines about how marshmallow peeps and chocolate eggs have managed to obscure the true meaning of the celebration of spring — which is, of course, that Christ rose from the dead. So get out of our holiday or you’re oppressing us.
Dan Barker (I think it is) also has an “Easter Challenge”, which involves trying to produce a consistent story of the resurrection out of the materials in the gospels without leaving anything out.
Where the hell am I going to find a corn field near Brooklyn?
With regards to “plowing the fields” on April 10th–there’s already a holiday for this–May 8 (hmm. This might be a regional holiday–the first page of google hits for National Outdoor Intercourse Day are mainly from Washington State).
You know, you don’t have to do this only once a year, anyway. The more often the merrier!
if you live in san francisco bay area, you might want to check out the BUNNY JAM.
http://www.bunnyjam.com
a party wherein your true inner bunny may be released.
heh.
What a bunch of apostate sandal-worshippers…
the best (almost) Jesus is, of course, that naughty, naughty boy Graham Chapman.
Just thinking of him getting his Latin lesson sends me into giggles.
And I thought that the most appropriate recessional hymn was “Always look on the bright side of life”.
david:
Well, we here in PZ’s home state were doing our best to come up with an acronym that would spell NUDE, or at least NEWD, but we mistakenly forgot to make sure the people who volunteered for the Naming Committee could spell…
Still, NOID is pretty close, if you imagine an adenoidal Brooklynite trying to say “nude,” perhaps while gargling helium.
The fertility thing is supposed to be hares and eggs. However, bunny rabbits are an acceptable substitute for the former and chicks are frequently assumed as the default type for the latter. The link then becomes one of taste:
http://www.improb.com/airchives/paperair/volume4/v4i4/chicken.htm
I think I’ll stick to real things like equinoxes and important things like chocolate though (if it doesn’t get stuck to me first!).
How could the Easter Bunny possibly ruin Easter? No one was ever burnt alive for denying the triune nature of the Easter Bunny.
The Peeps have already conquered Easter and moved on to other holidays. When I was younger they were Easter-only, but now they’re showing up at other holidays too…
Thank you for the peepresearch link. Made my day! And it only confirms my opinion of Peeps. I wonder, however, why they did not try dissolving the little critters in HCl, to model their behavior in one’s stomach.
I give on the jelly beans, though, especially the licorice ones.
BTW, the wacky calculation of Easter was designed to keep its celebration close to the time of Passover, during which Jesus is believed to have been crucified (as the “sacrificial lamb”) and resurrected. The Last Supper is presumed to have been a Pesach seder. Since Pesach follows a lunar schedule and the Church a solar one, the calculation of Easter depends on both calendars.
Since Pesach follows a lunar schedule and the Church a solar one, the calculation of Easter depends on both calendars.
Almost–the Jewish calendar is actually a luni-solar hybrid, rather than strictly lunar, which is why holidays such as Pesach or Yom Kippur vary within a few days of each other from year to year, but don’t wander all the way around the calendar, like Ramadan (based on the purely lunar Moslem calendar) does.
whoops: that should, of course, be “wander all the way around the solar calendar”.
I understand where you all are coming from. But, personally… I love peeps. They are delicious. I do celebrate Easter, and I am a Christian. One of which who strongly believes in her faith. I think how Easter is never on the same day, and the background of it isn’t clear. But as a Christian I believe it’s for a purpose. I don’t ‘bash’ others or make others feel stupid for not believing the same as I… I only wish others wouldn’t make it in to a joke. I find nothing funny about making fun of others religions.
That’s just my thoughts.