New Roots On The Family Tree

The salient features

Of human-ish creatures,
Our sisters and brothers and cousins,
Across generations
Shows slight variations
And species, it seems, by the dozens
The picture’s still muddy,
As scientists study,
Concerning our relatives’ species
The task is colossal
Inferring from fossils
Of footprints, or bones, teeth, and feces
The clues, though, are leading
To claims of cross breeding
In hominids once thought distinct
With two populations
In different locations
With whom we’re genetically linked
It’s really exciting—
You see, we’re re-writing,
As only hard evidence can,
The view, now outdated
That claimed that we mated
With only the sapiens clan
In NPR’s 13.7 blog, Ursula Goodenough writes of recent research on hominid genomes, and the increasingly varied story of our family tree.  To take just one tidbit, it appears that the locals of Papua New Guinea are “roughly 92.5% African, 2.5% Neanderthal, and 5% Denisovan”–that is, this population (with which the rest of us are interfertile, of course) has genetic material belonging to two extinct hominid species, whom we had previously believed were distinct from (read: non-interbreeding with) H. sapiens.  We knew we shared common ancestry with them, but the notion that they are among our direct ancestors (for some modern populations, at least) is new.
As I tell my students, Darwin’s Origin of Species was ironically titled, because evolution by natural selection makes obsolete the concept of “species” as it was used at the time (or as creationists still use it).  Rather, as populations vary across time and geography, black and white distinctions simply do not exist.  Take the example of ring species, for instance, where neighboring populations can interbreed just fine, but populations a bit further apart (geographically, or chronologically, it works both ways) cannot, despite a continuous line of interbreeding populations linking the two.  Where is the species line to be drawn?  Are these one species, or two?
Frankly, it’s a bit like Pluto.  Pluto is what it is, whether it is called a planet or a planetoid; our linguistic handle on it is for our sake, and simply allows us to talk about it.  The concept of “species” is a similar abstraction; tremendously useful in some cases, impossibly vague in others.  
H. sapiens, H. erectus, Neanderthal, Denisovan, and more… which are “us”?  It depends on the context.  
This, like Pluto, may take some getting used to.  Human exceptionalism (not to mention the historical influence of creationism) and ego (“what a piece of work is man…”) have expressed themselves in a history of dehumanizing our ancestors.  Neanderthals are still brutes in the public eye (so easy a caveman could do it), despite recent attempts to update their image.  It would be difficult to maintain our belief that we are the pinnacle of creation, the top of the evolutionary ladder (yes, I know the metaphor is wrong), the final product of nature, if we must also recognize that by some measures we are far more closely related to Neanderthals than we had thought.   

Whoopie For ME!

Another day
Another issue
We’re all a-waiting
They’re talking Whoopie
Is this for real?
Are they insane?
What’s taken over
The state of Maine?
The new election
Of state confection
They’re talking Whoopie
Picture a crème-filled sandwich
It’s sugar mixed with lard
Something that fits your hand, which
Will make your arteries hard
From Madawaska
To southern Kittery
Seems this much sugar
Will make you jittery
This pressing issue
Will make you wish you
Were talking Whoopie
Picture a Down-East picnic
What’s on your plate to see?
You give your fork a quick lick
Blueberry pie, for me!
They need a budget
Or folks will hurt
They say, “let’s fudge it
And talk dessert
This legal action
Is mere distraction
They’re talking Whoopie
For those too lazy to click links… the state of Maine is debating the adoption of a State Dessert, the Whoopie Pie, which was invented in Pennsylvania.  Me, I’m in favor of Blueberry Pie as the state dessert; if a state dessert can’t turn your smile blue, what good is it?

The Dictionary Atheist Baby

I looked at my cute little atheist baby
(With wonderful new-baby smell!)
And thought that she might be more accurate, maybe
With other descriptors as well
The privative “atheist”, so I’ve been told
Is a measure of what she is not;
It’s clearly the case, if I might be so bold,
There are more words describing the tot:
My baby is flightless; my babe is unwed;
She’s not blonde, for there isn’t a hair on her head;
She’s scale-less, of course, for as much as I’d wish
She has no hint of Mermaid, or tidbit of fish;
She’s hatless, for now, till I give her a hat,
And cloudless as well, though I’m glad about that;
She’s treeless, which helps her to fit in her cot,
And windowless—windows, again, she has not.
She has plenty of cute—I shall not call her cuteless—
And she’s sweeter than Mom’s Apple Pie;
But listing her negatives clearly is fruitless
When privatives do not apply.
In case the verse wasn’t blatant enough… I come down on the side that babies are not “dictionary atheists”, nor are trees, rocks, fish, clouds, or galaxies.  They are undefined with regard to religious terms.  (Ok, they are undefined in my view; some (but not all) religions claim membership from babies, and it is not relevant that the baby actively believe.  This baby is (culturally) orthodox, that one is muslim, even though they have not chosen this membership.  Other religions wait–the anabaptist tradition requires the active choice on the part of an individual to join the church; prior to that, you may be unsaved or perhaps “innocent”.)
In my (privative) view, if there were no religious believers, there would of course be no atheists.  The label would have never been invented, and would have no meaning.  We are all, right now, aflargists, because none of us are flargists.  We are all amulxists, because none of us are mulxists.  I could make up dozens of undefined things we are not.  But I prefer it when words actually have meaning, and give useful information.  It makes no sense to call my baby flightless, although she is “dictionary flightless”.  Since no babies are (I have asked them) active believers in any particular religion, it makes no sense at all to call them atheists.  It is simply a dimension which is undefined with regard to babies.

The Dictionary Atheist Baby

I looked at my cute little atheist baby
(With wonderful new-baby smell!)
And thought that she might be more accurate, maybe
With other descriptors as well
The privative “atheist”, so I’ve been told
Is a measure of what she is not;
It’s clearly the case, if I might be so bold,
There are more words describing the tot:
My baby is flightless; my babe is unwed;
She’s not blonde, for there isn’t a hair on her head;
She’s scale-less, of course, for as much as I’d wish
She has no hint of Mermaid, or tidbit of fish;
She’s hatless, for now, till I give her a hat,
And cloudless as well, though I’m glad about that;
She’s treeless, which helps her to fit in her cot,
And windowless—windows, again, she has not.
She has plenty of cute—I shall not call her cuteless—
And she’s sweeter than Mom’s Apple Pie;
But listing her negatives clearly is fruitless
When privatives do not apply.
In case the verse wasn’t blatant enough… I come down on the side that babies are not “dictionary atheists”, nor are trees, rocks, fish, clouds, or galaxies.  They are undefined with regard to religious terms.  (Ok, they are undefined in my view; some (but not all) religions claim membership from babies, and it is not relevant that the baby actively believe.  This baby is (culturally) orthodox, that one is muslim, even though they have not chosen this membership.  Other religions wait–the anabaptist tradition requires the active choice on the part of an individual to join the church; prior to that, you may be unsaved or perhaps “innocent”.)
In my (privative) view, if there were no religious believers, there would of course be no atheists.  The label would have never been invented, and would have no meaning.  We are all, right now, aflargists, because none of us are flargists.  We are all amulxists, because none of us are mulxists.  I could make up dozens of undefined things we are not.  But I prefer it when words actually have meaning, and give useful information.  It makes no sense to call my baby flightless, although she is “dictionary flightless”.  Since no babies are (I have asked them) active believers in any particular religion, it makes no sense at all to call them atheists.  It is simply a dimension which is undefined with regard to babies.

Were You There? (The Ken Ham Song)

Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water,
Though he knew he hadn’t oughter
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Adam wandered in the garden! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Adam wandered in the garden! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Adam wandered in the garden!
Eve arrived and Adam hardened;
Adam wandered in the garden! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Chorus: 
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water, 
Though he knew he hadn’t oughter
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Brother Noah was a boater! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Brother Noah was a boater! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Brother Noah was a boater,
You’re descended from a floater,
Brother Noah was a boater! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Chorus

God burned Sodom and Gomorrah! Were you there?
(Were you there?)
God burned Sodom and Gomorrah! Were you there?
(Were you there?)
God burned Sodom and Gomorrah!
Oh, the horrah! Oh, the horrah!
God burned Sodom and Gomorrah! Were you there?
(Were you there?)

Chorus

Comments are open for additional verses!

Cuttlecap tip to PZ, here, of course.

Were You There? (The Ken Ham Song)

Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water,
Though he knew he hadn’t oughter
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Adam wandered in the garden! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Adam wandered in the garden! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Adam wandered in the garden!
Eve arrived and Adam hardened;
Adam wandered in the garden! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Chorus: 
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Jesus walked upon the water, 
Though he knew he hadn’t oughter
Jesus walked upon the water! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Brother Noah was a boater! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Brother Noah was a boater! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)
Brother Noah was a boater,
You’re descended from a floater,
Brother Noah was a boater! Were you there?
(Were you there?!)

Chorus

God burned Sodom and Gomorrah! Were you there?
(Were you there?)
God burned Sodom and Gomorrah! Were you there?
(Were you there?)
God burned Sodom and Gomorrah!
Oh, the horrah! Oh, the horrah!
God burned Sodom and Gomorrah! Were you there?
(Were you there?)

Chorus

Comments are open for additional verses!

Cuttlecap tip to PZ, here, of course.

Get The Flock Outta Here!

So I was on my way to the store this morning, and A Prairie Home Companion was on the radio.  Long show, short trip, so I may have missed some context, but a song begins.  It was simple, it was cheerful, and the audience was encouraged to sing along at one point, but I had never heard it before.  Oddly enough, if I had written the lyrics myself, I’d have rejected them as too simplistic in their one-dimensional and insulting portrayal of believers.  But here, without a trace of irony, they were singing what I have since learned is a christian campfire song: “I wanna be a sheep”.

Now, I understand the metaphor of Jesus as shepherd; I had always assumed that it was sort of a “given that we are lost sheep, isn’t it nice to have a shepherd watching over us” metaphor.  I had never considered the “hey, isn’t it great to be a sheep, a mindless member of a herd!” interpretation.  But it turns out there are quite a few versions (the one at that last link is bizarre) of the song up on YouTube.

Frightening.  I assume the multiple watermarks on the photos are there ironically, since good christian sheep would never steal.

I wanna be a sheep (baa ba-baa baa)
I wanna be a sheep (baa ba-baa baa)
Don’t ever wanna have to think too deep
I just wanna be a sheep (baa ba-ba-baa baa)

I wanna be a drone (mmmmmmmmmmmmm)
I wanna be a drone (mmmmmmmmmmmmm)
Don’t ever wanna have a thought of my own
I just wanna be a drone (mmmmmmmmmmmm)

Don’t wanna be a cuttlefish (cuttlefish-noise)
Don’t wanna be a cuttlefish (cuttlefish-noise)
Cos they’re too subtle fish
Don’t wanna be a cuttlefish (cuttlefish-noise)

Don’t wanna be… oh, I can’t go on.

Get The Flock Outta Here!

So I was on my way to the store this morning, and A Prairie Home Companion was on the radio.  Long show, short trip, so I may have missed some context, but a song begins.  It was simple, it was cheerful, and the audience was encouraged to sing along at one point, but I had never heard it before.  Oddly enough, if I had written the lyrics myself, I’d have rejected them as too simplistic in their one-dimensional and insulting portrayal of believers.  But here, without a trace of irony, they were singing what I have since learned is a christian campfire song: “I wanna be a sheep”.

Now, I understand the metaphor of Jesus as shepherd; I had always assumed that it was sort of a “given that we are lost sheep, isn’t it nice to have a shepherd watching over us” metaphor.  I had never considered the “hey, isn’t it great to be a sheep, a mindless member of a herd!” interpretation.  But it turns out there are quite a few versions (the one at that last link is bizarre) of the song up on YouTube.

Frightening.  I assume the multiple watermarks on the photos are there ironically, since good christian sheep would never steal.

I wanna be a sheep (baa ba-baa baa)
I wanna be a sheep (baa ba-baa baa)
Don’t ever wanna have to think too deep
I just wanna be a sheep (baa ba-ba-baa baa)

I wanna be a drone (mmmmmmmmmmmmm)
I wanna be a drone (mmmmmmmmmmmmm)
Don’t ever wanna have a thought of my own
I just wanna be a drone (mmmmmmmmmmmm)

Don’t wanna be a cuttlefish (cuttlefish-noise)
Don’t wanna be a cuttlefish (cuttlefish-noise)
Cos they’re too subtle fish
Don’t wanna be a cuttlefish (cuttlefish-noise)

Don’t wanna be… oh, I can’t go on.

Another Funeral

You can die in bits and pieces; you can die in one quick flash
Die the ancient voice of wisdom, or die early, young and brash
Tuck your body in a coffin; pick an urn to hold your ash
Your survivors will remember you and cry
In the stories of your childhood, of your young and reckless past
How you fiercely burned your candle—who could think it would not last?
You could live to be a hundred; it would still be gone too fast
Life is never seen so brief as when we die
This weekend’s funeral was, again, beautiful, though again not so beautiful that I would not have wished it unnecessary.  I was moved more than I expected to be (this was not, after all, my brother this time), and was reminded once again that each life touches so many others, often in ways that are hidden from pretty much any witness.  
Strangely, I am also reminded of the mass graves–most recently in Brazil, following the mudslides, but elsewhere and elsewhen other disasters or wars–where entire communities have been lost, or where the necessities of safety and health mean that there will be no funeral, no memorial, no gathering of loved ones.  I really am one of the lucky ones, to be able to remember my family this way.
A last thought though–yes, I’m one of the lucky ones, but luckier still would be to push these funerals as far into the future as we can.  The local papers remind us that January’s supplies of blood in the Red Cross banks are the lowest they have been in a decade.  Snowstorms keep people from blood drives, but they don’t keep people from needing blood.  So, as I do on occasion, I remind you that, here in the US at least, you can find out about your local bloodmobiles at the Red Cross website.  Tell them Cuttlefish sent you.

Another Funeral

You can die in bits and pieces; you can die in one quick flash
Die the ancient voice of wisdom, or die early, young and brash
Tuck your body in a coffin; pick an urn to hold your ash
Your survivors will remember you and cry
In the stories of your childhood, of your young and reckless past
How you fiercely burned your candle—who could think it would not last?
You could live to be a hundred; it would still be gone too fast
Life is never seen so brief as when we die
This weekend’s funeral was, again, beautiful, though again not so beautiful that I would not have wished it unnecessary.  I was moved more than I expected to be (this was not, after all, my brother this time), and was reminded once again that each life touches so many others, often in ways that are hidden from pretty much any witness.  
Strangely, I am also reminded of the mass graves–most recently in Brazil, following the mudslides, but elsewhere and elsewhen other disasters or wars–where entire communities have been lost, or where the necessities of safety and health mean that there will be no funeral, no memorial, no gathering of loved ones.  I really am one of the lucky ones, to be able to remember my family this way.
A last thought though–yes, I’m one of the lucky ones, but luckier still would be to push these funerals as far into the future as we can.  The local papers remind us that January’s supplies of blood in the Red Cross banks are the lowest they have been in a decade.  Snowstorms keep people from blood drives, but they don’t keep people from needing blood.  So, as I do on occasion, I remind you that, here in the US at least, you can find out about your local bloodmobiles at the Red Cross website.  Tell them Cuttlefish sent you.