The Hazards Of Being An Open-Minded Agnostic

You mustn’t keep an open mind,
No matter what they say
An open mind is dangerous;
It leads your soul astray!
“You’re with me or against me”
So there is no middle path
“But, Lord, I kept an open mind”
Will turn His love to wrath
So never heed an argument,
And never crack a book
Should someone point to evidence,
It’s better not to look.
You mustn’t be agnostic,
Cos that’s dangerous as well—
When you die, you’ll join the atheists
And heathens down in hell.
You’ll look around the lake of fire—
Take note of what you find—
The countless souls in torment
Cos they kept an open mind.

“Reason is a whore, the greatest enemy that faith has; it never comes to the aid of spiritual things, but more frequently than not struggles against the divine Word, treating with contempt all that emanates from God.”

Martin Luther

More recently, but far less eloquently, the site “Crescendo in Christ” argued against the inherent bias of keeping an open mind:

Some people have this idea that intellectual humility involves recognising our fallibility with respect to our limited knowledge and not being dogmatic about any particular viewpoint. This is particularly so with respect to “agnostics” to the Christian faith, who would prefer to keep an open mind about the Bible, God, Jesus etc.

In an admirable show of consistency, the writer does not appeal to reason to make his point, but instead to the bible–specifically, the book of Luke, where Jesus says “whoever is not with me is against me”. We have to take Jesus absolutely at his word (if he is the slightest bit wrong, he cannot be God, after all), so anyone who even contemplates the non-existence, or even non-divinity of Christ is clearly not being open-minded, but is taking sides against God Himself.

Although agnostics try to claim intellectual humility for their viewpoint, they are ultimately as dogmatic as an atheist in their views, for they have assumed that Christianity is false by claiming “neutrality”. Rather, the only truly intellectually humble worldview is Christianity, for we depend not on our fallible selves (the very thing the agnostic was also trying to avoid), but upon the certainty of God’s word. As Jesus said: “Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4b, NIV).

Hey, at least this guy isn’t claiming any intellectual humility.


  1. says

    “the only truly intellectually humble worldview is Christianity”
    And fucking Christ, do they have much to be humble about! (Without apologies to Churchill)

  2. aziraphale says

    The certainty of God’s word would be a fine thing. And it’s so easy to get! All we need is the original documents in his handwriting.

  3. Pierce R. Butler says

    Surely the existence of “Crescendo in Christ” answers the question posed in the previous post.

  4. mistertwo says

    If I were to reprint this poem on facebook, I bet my Christian friends would all click their “like” buttons and never notice the irony.

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