A Heart-Felt Love Ode To Antonin Scalia

It must be depressing, to be a Scalia,
To see your words twisted in so many ways
To see your dissent—Windsor’s warning—adorning
The arguments cited in favor of gays!
Virginia, Ohio, Kentucky—how lucky
The activists were, that you wrote your dissent!
Your snarking in Windsor turned, now, to a how-to;
They probably know that it’s not what you meant!

I guess, in a way, we’re all grateful you’re hateful,
And focus your efforts on showing your wit;
Your sarcasm-laced “neener-neener” demeanor
Proved useful—well, after we translate a bit.
You couldn’t resist, so, self-smitten, you’ve written
A road map to marriage as federal right
So, much as you think we abuse it, we’ll use it,
And thank you, Scalia, for shining your light.

Context here, here, here, here, and here.


  1. Emu Sam says

    I love your choices of internal end-rhymes here. “To be a Scalia,” “neener-neener demeanor,” etc.

  2. Johnny Vector says

    Shared! Between this and the free will comment thread, I think I’ve created a couple new Cuttlefish fans in the last couple days.

  3. dukeofomnium says

    The best thing that you can say about Scalia is that someday – and probably sooner rather than later – his wicked heart will stop pumping blood through his body, and either President Obama or President Clinton will get to name his replacement. (p.s. this is not intended as a threat against the Associate Justice, just a rejoicing at his mortality and ever-advancing age)

  4. Cuttlefish says

    Duke, Scalia may well outlive me (and I plan on living forever); the good news is, he’ll keep writing the “o noes!” dissents, pointing out the way to maneuver through the courts, precisely because he so loves being able to say “I told you so!” He’s even better than a false flag operation.


  1. […] how the majority of same-sex-marriage cases cited his Windsor dissent in their arguments? (I wrote Scalia a sepielle about it here.) Roberts did the same thing this time, citing Scalia at least twice (I’ll have to read it […]

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