Checked my mail, and there it was!


It’s the latest in technology, delivered to your door
Like the internet, but portable—why, who could ask for more?
All that Cuttlefishy goodness, but in one convenient book
What a marvelous invention; don’t you want to take a look?

You can take it to the mountains; you can take it to the park;
With a flashlight or a candle, you can read it in the dark!
It’s much lighter than a laptop, so transporting it’s a breeze
There’s no silicon or plastic—nope, it’s all recycled trees!

It’s an omnibus edition! It’s the Cuttlefish, condensed;
If your dog is acting funny, it’s because he must have sensed!
So you’d better buy an extra, when you’re buying one for you,
Cos the animals all know, it’s all the verse that’s fit to chew!

You could buy one for your Mother; you could buy one for your Pop
You could buy one for your Pastor just to hear him holler “stop!”
You could buy a bunch, and swap out all the hymnals in a church
So they never find “Amazing Grace” no matter where they search!

You could pull one on the Gideons, and place them in hotels
You could slip one to a Wiccan while she’s murmuring her spells
It’s the perfect gift for enemies—the perfect gift for friends!
It’s the gift that keeps on giving—oh, the messages it sends!

You can take one on an airplane; you can take one to the beach;
You could buy them by the dozen, so there’s always one in reach
It’s a conversation starter, if you bring it on a date,
And you’ll know if you’re compatible before it gets too late!

Be the first one on your block to place your order—click today,
And the elf and fairy printers will get on it right away!
As the product of a Cuttlefish, of course you’d call it “Ink”
Really, what more could you ask for?… Well, just one more thing… the link.

Oh, and the link to the preview.


  1. Funny Diva says

    You could buy a bunch, and swap out all the hymnals in a church
    So they never find “Amazing Grace” no matter where they search!

    OMFSM, how did you KNOW that is my anti-favorite hymn of ALL TIME?!
    Between that line and the Frogwhompers, you’ve really made my Saturday. Thank you!

  2. martin_z says

    OK – as I’m in Blighty, I thought it was easier to get the ebook copy. Delighted to see that you’ve got it in ePub rather than Kindle, and that it’s not copy protected. I’ve no intention of “sharing” it around – except to show people and then tell them to go buy their own copy! – but it’s nice to not have the default assumption that I’m going to be a criminal.

    And the second poem in the book is my all-time favourite – What An Atheist Believes.

    PS – if there is anyone there who has a Kindle and is feeling left out – may I recommend the excellent and completely free Calibre software which allows you to upload ePub books to Kindles, automatically converting it on the way. (Disclaimer – just a happy user of an excellent software package – not in any way associated with Calibre).

  3. Cuttlefish says

    Heh… actually, Martin, all the details about e-publishing are a foreign language to me–I don’t have an e-reader, and don’t know how to make an e-book copy protected in the first place.

    But now, my readers are not criminals. And I’m glad you like it!

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