It was late in the quarter—as if in a dream,
I was watching the game, but this can’t be my team,
Cos they’re moving the ball, and they’re picking up steam
There’s a chance that they might even score!
My eyes, as I watch, must be starting to gleam
As I rant and I rave and I cheer and I scream
Now this is what Sundays are for!

I’m ecstatic—as happy as happy can be
With my team up a score, or perhaps two or three,
Though it’s rare that this happens (or happens to me)
And I know that it likely won’t last
The opponents are driving, so soon we will see,
And excitement is making me need to go pee
So I guess that I’d better be fast.

I moan and I groan, and I sniffle and sigh
And I watch with my fingers obscuring my eye
And of course, every weekend, I ask myself “why?”
But of course, it’s in vain that I search
My emotions are chaos, and turned up to high
And each Sunday I’m wrung out, and hung out to dry
But it sure beats the hell outta church!

****

So there have been a few articles recently about the popularity of the new Sunday Assembly, the “atheist church” thingie. Me, I don’t see the need to emulate a church; rather, start with what people need, and see what can meet those needs. Among the things that bring people together, unite them emotionally, bring feelings of ecstasy and agony…

Of course, not everyone is a sports fan. But that’s the thing–I’m not saying this is something that all people need, just something that brings enjoyment, social interaction, and more, to some people. Fan organizations have come together to donate to charities, to run blood drives… basically, to multiply the good that individuals can do by the power of an organized group. (Yes, they can also multiply the bad, and have a convenient target on a regular basis.) Other than magic, there’s not a lot the church community can do that the fan community can’t (including irrationality–there is no rational reason I should get wrapped up in the game, but I do).

Oh, wait, there’s guilt. No one really cares if you watch the game or not, and Yankees fans aren’t literally damned to the innermost circle of hell. So, yeah, churches have magic and guilt.

And they can keep them.