Not Very Appealing

The Christians in Cranston are singing the blues
With their bigotry bared on the six-o’clock news
They’ve all learned a lesson, what it feels like to lose
And it’s setting their senses to reeling
Now between God and Country, the mob has to choose
Will the school board soon be appealing?

They’re pounding their pulpits, They’re swarming the schools
Where the judge said the banner was breaking the rules
Where a girl in the right made them all look like fools
So they’re sobbing and whining and squealing
They’ll drain their accounts and they’ll hock all their jewels
For the money they’ll need for appealing

They’ve chosen to champion the prayer on the wall
They’ll shout and they’ll threaten, they’ll bully and brawl
Ignoring the freedoms protecting us all
Their priorities sure are revealing
It’s a Christian theocracy they’d like to install
Cos they find the idea appealing

The secular victory sticks in their craw
So they pore through the ruling to hunt for a flaw
Cos they’re sure that the next step will be Sharia law
So they’re praying to God, yes they’re kneeling
With God on their side, they will never withdraw
And they’re making their plans for appealing

So bring all your anger, your rancor, your spite,
Cos the school board is meeting, they’re meeting tonight
To weigh all the options proposed for our plight
And to see what the voters are feeling
And it won’t mean a damn thing that Jessica’s right
Cos the mob here is set on appealing

(With apologies to Bob Dylan)


  1. The Lorax says

    Naturally I can’t speak for him, but something tells me Bob Dylan wouldn’t desire an apology for that. Nicely done.

  2. Grep Agni says

    I really like this. As someone who has never written a line of verse in his life, I have no standing to criticize. Nevertheless, since this is the internet:

    Cos they’re sure that the next step will be Sharia law

    The meter is a bit bumpy here. I think removing the that would make it smoother. Another possibility, with a slightly different feel:

    The next step would surely be Sharia Law

    Still, people in glass houses with no house at all, and all that.

  3. Cuttlefish says

    Oh, Greg, you are quite right about the meter there; in fact, much of it doesn’t work unless you sing it in Bob Dylan’s voice. But when you do that, suddenly things that were out of scansion before are deliberately there to allow (in this instance, for example) an emphasis on “Sharia” that would not be possible if it were strictly following meter. So while your fix is indeed smoother (and has the nice “sh” alliteration, which is very cool), the voices in my head (which in this case sound like Dylan) went with mine–and, indeed, the “that” was actually added, with malice aforethought!


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