Penis Home Road

Raw Story reports that Mars Hill church is shrinking operations as more people learn what a pathetic patriarchal mess it is.

An August profile of Driscoll published by The New York Times explained that he had been accused “of plagiarizing, of inappropriately using church funds and of consolidating power to such a degree that it has become difficult for anyone to challenge or even question him.”

A month earlier, it was revealed that Driscoll had posted hundreds of inflammatory Internet comments almost 15 years ago.

Although the media focused on his comments about the U.S. being a “pussified nation,” bloggers who followed Driscoll closely argued that his views on women and sex were the larger problem.

Hello? Calling the US “a pussified nation” is itself a view on women that is a problem.

On Monday, “Love, Joe, Feminism” blogger Libby Anne pointed out one of the more disturbing notions from Driscoll’s Internet trolling days.

Well then let’s go to the source, and while we’re at it get the name of her blog right – it’s “Love, Joy, Feminism.” Joe isn’t part of the story. Take it away Libby Anne:

Things have been getting worse and worse for Mark Driscoll in recent weeks. But what I want to point out for a moment is one of Driscoll’s posts from 2001, when he was posting to a church message board under the name William Wallace II. I have rarely seen an evangelical man assert male superiority and prominence this directly.

The first thing to know about your penis is, that despite the way it may see, it is not your penis. Ultimately, God created you and it is his penis. You are simply borrowing it for a while.

While His penis is on loan you must admit that it is sort of just hanging out there very lonely as if it needed a home, sort of like a man wondering the streets looking for a house to live in. Knowing that His penis would need a home, God created a woman to be your wife and when you marry her and look down you will notice that your wife is shaped differently than you and makes a very nice home.

You  you you – notice that Driscoll assumes that women aren’t reading. Does he think they can’t read?

Yes, really. Men’s penises are on loan from God, and women were created to be “homes” for men’s penises. So much for any claims of men and women being “equal before God.” No, men were created by God and loaned penises. Women were then created by God to be penis homes.

Therefore, if you are single you must remember that your penis is homeless and needs a home. But, though you may believe your hand is shaped like a home, it is not. And, though women other than your wife may look like a home, to rest there would be breaking into another man’s home. And, if you look at a man it is quite obvious that what a homeless man does not need is another man without a home.

Notice that all women are portrayed as another man’s penis home, whether or not they are married. This squares with what I was taught—every woman is some man’s future wife, and that man owns her body even before they meet.

Penis home! It all seems like such a lot of effort for such a trivial thing. You’d think God could have just built the home around the penis, so that the two were always united and the penis was always happy, instead of forcing men to have to put up with a whole entire human being that talks and argues and walks around independently. It’s as if we couldn’t have just mittens, we had to drag a sheep around with us all winter.


  1. Richard Smith says

    If men’s hands supposedly looks like homes, and mitts look kinda like hands, would they start mistaking the sheep for home, too?

  2. Julia F. says

    The word vagina is from the Latin for “sheath;” you know, the cover that renders a sword less dangerous.

  3. dmcclean says

    Sure glad we have dipshits like this guy around to give us clear moral guidance. My head hurts.

    Also, “William Wallace II”? Seriously? Was “Carlos Danger” already taken as a forum handle?

  4. Sea Monster says

    I’ll never get God’s mysterious ways. So much thought and effort and intricately wrought philosophy about homes and a chaps only there for 30 seconds every other Saturday.

  5. moarscienceplz says

    I’ll never to be able to listen to “Home on the Range” with a straight face again!

    Oh, give me a home
    Where the buffalo roam
    Where the deer and the antelope play

  6. mildlymagnificent says

    So, according to this marvelous notion, a man getting married is very much like long term leasing of a parking space for a lifetime leased car.

    And it’s a very good thing that no woman ever has learned to read or to think. Otherwise we might find out what those possessors of leased cars think of us.

    Fortunately, Driscoll doesn’t realise that he’s not the one and only man on the earth capable of thinking about men and women. He might be surprised just how few men really agree with him, along with all those others who’ve nodded and smiled to indicate … not that they agreed with him, but that they couldn’t be bothered arguing with such an opinionated dimwit.

  7. Nobody In Particular says

    Well, this should provide some preemptive cover for the inevitable Mars Hill sex scandal: “You see, I’m a very wealthy man – so Gawd told me I can have *many*, er, “homes”.”


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